SCP-939-J Crime Time Canine - object class thaumiel
Item #: SCP-939-J
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-939-J is housed in a standard canine containment
cell in Site-20.
As SCP-939-J has paradoxically demonstrated a simultaneous absolute loyalty to deontological
morality and the operations of the Foundation, SCP-939-J is allowed free reign throughout
the facility with the accompaniment of Agent Wu.
In the event of any unexplained criminal happenings SCP-939-J is authorized to take the role of
lead investigator.
Security personnel are to be briefed on this protocol and on SCP-939-J's anomalous properties.
Description: SCP-939-J is a 50-kilogram German Shepard.
SCP-939-J's anomalous properties are as follows:
Ability to speak English.
Inability to do anything perceived as morally dubious.
Ability to determine the perpetrator of 93% of criminal acts occurring within a 100-meter
radius.
93% increase in the number of criminal acts detected within a 100-meter radius.
Archive of corrupted recordings:
Please note that SCP-939-J didn't actually do the things described in these logs.
These are just here for posterity.
-Researcher Dinkley
Incident: 20-F-90
Crime: Doctor Edward Jones found dead in Site-20 breakroom.
Audio Log: Agent Smith had recently entered the Site-20
breakroom with SCP-939-J, and was conversing with Dr. Jones over coffee.
[BEGIN LOG] Agent Smith: Mind if I sit here?
Dr. Jones: Not at all.
I'm in the market for some pals.
Agent Smith: Well, I'm always looking for more.
The name's James.
You?
Dr. Jones: Ed.
What's the dog's name?
Agent Smith: He's actually a skip.
939-J.
SCP-939-J: Stop fucking calling me that.
Dr. Jones: Is he safe to pet?
Agent Smith: Yeah, he's a sweet little guy.
SCP-939-J: C'mere sunshine, you'll get your petting.
Intense growling punctuated with a snapping sound can be heard for the next 10 seconds,
followed by the sound of blood splattering.
SCP-939-J: This man's been shot.
The perpetrator probably used a gun.
The jury's still out on whether or not they also used bullets.
Agent Smith: Like, holy shit 939-J!
They must have shot him so much that his head got torn clean off!
SCP-939-J: (Softly) Heh, clean.
Agent Smith: Wait a second, who the hell shot him?
EVERYBODY GET DOWN!
SCP-939-J: Hey everybody, Agent Smith just shot someone!
Agent Smith: Huh, guess it sometimes just be like that.
Sorry.
Post-Incident Report: Agent Smith was apprehended and demoted to Class-D for his unprovoked
murder of Dr. Jones.
Incident: 20-F-22
Crimes: Attempted theft of an SCP object, destruction of Foundation property, attempted
breach of Foundation security, jaywalking.
Audio Log: Agent Rosencrantz was walking SCP-939-J in
the Site-20 recreation yard at the time of the incident.
[BEGIN LOG] SCP-939-J: Take me off of this leash or I
will discover the resonant frequency of your brain and play it with an instrument constructed
from your entrails.
Agent Rosencrantz: Who's a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
SCP-939-J: Ok, fuck it.
There's a crime happening over that wall and it needs your attention.
Agent Rosencrantz: Crap, I'll call security.
SCP-939-J: No, they'll be too slow.
You need to blow a hole in the wall and get out there now.
Agent Rosencrantz: Sharp as always, 939-J!
I know I can count on you!
Agent Rosencrantz fired multiple rounds into the concrete wall surrounding the Site-20
recreation yard before inserting a grenade, blowing a sizable hole in the wall.
SCP-939-J: Here, follow me.
Agent Rosencrantz: Across that road?
There's no stop sign or anything there.
SCP-939-J: You work in a building with hundreds of MacGuffins and you're concerned about traffic?
Agent Rosencrantz: Road safety is no joke.
SCP-939-J: Unlike you.
SCP-939-J proceeds to run across the road.
Bystander: Hey!
That dog just jaywalked!
SCP-939-J: Fuck off.
It was the idiot behind me.
Bystander: Hey!
That idiot just jaywalked!
Agent Rosencrantz: Wai-
Multiple gunshots are heard from the Site-20 guard tower, followed by a dull thud.
Post-Incident Report: Agent Rosencrantz was shot by the guards overlooking the Site-20
recreation yard for attempting to deliver SCP-939-J to GOI-8305 and jaywalking.