From the director who just wants to watch the world go boom
and the studio that enables him
comes the dumbest, most incoherent Transformers movie yet...
which is really saying something.
Did he just...punch a guy with a car?
Transformers: Age Of Extinction.
Prepare for a total reinvention of the franchise, with an all new cast,
all new villains,
and cool new allies
only to end up with the same overlong piece of sh*t where once again we have no
idea
what's
happening.
"Oh my god!"
Hey, if Michael Bay can reuse shots, we can reuse Transformers jokes.
Shia Laboeuf is gone, and neither you nor Bumblebee nor Optimus Prime will care where
he went.
Instead, settle in with Boston-native Texan Kade Yeager.
A man fighting against all odds to sound intelligent.
"That is a super simplex theater projector. It's very rare."
"who taught you how to solder a circuit? Me, that's what I do!"
Oh, and he's also an inventor.
"I know you have a conscience because you're an inventor like me."
"I'm so gonna patent this sh*t!"
"Some things should never be invented."
"That's what great inventors do."
"I'm an inventor! This could be a game-changer for me! If I could apply that technology to
my inventions, we'd never have to worry about money again!"
You're an inventor. We get it.
In a franchise that's known for objectifying hot young women,
prepare for a new low
as they make the movie's hot chick an underage girl,
"Sweetheart, your shorts are shrinking by the second."
make her boyfriend a legal adult, and literally stop the movie to explain why it's okay for
them to pork.
"You're a 17 year old girl. How old are you?"
"20."
"She's a minor."
"We're protected by the Romeo and Juliet laws."
"We dated for a little while I was a sophomore and he was a senior. It's fine."
"No, it's not fine."
"We've got a preexisting juvenile foundational relationship. Statute two-seven-zero-five
dash three."
If only they'd put as much time into justifying the plot as they
did for having sex with a minor.
The Transformers are back, and they're as over these movies as we are.
"This is isn't our fight! Let's go!"
"See ya. Goodbye."
Especially Optimus Prime.
"We're done defending the humans."
"Autobots, we're done."
Watch as they bumble their way through another Michael Bay crapfest so lazily produced he
didn't bother to fix these green screen monitors,
has scenes go from day to night to day again,
and left the Sears Tower up in the background
of HONG KONG.
So get ready for another sequel that you hoped would be better, but instead shoved the exact
same thing down our gullible throats,
featuring even more
Unrealistic explosions
going off around unfunny comic relief
during a neverending sunset
near an American flag.
Hey guys? Why is the rest of this trailer written in Chinese?
Hey!