RIGHT NOW, THE HOTTEST NEWS ITEM IN AMERICA IS ABOUT A THREE AND
A HALF PAGE MEMO NO ONE HAS READ... YET.
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTNOTES?
( LAUGHTER ) THE MEMO WAS AUTHORED BY HOUSE
INTEL CHAIR AND MAN CIRCLING BACK TO THAT LADY AT THE GROCERY
STORE GIVING OUT THE SAMPLE PIZZA ROLLS, DEVIN NUNES, AND
HIS MEMO SUPPOSEDLY PAINTS A PICTURE OF HOW THE F.B.I. AND
THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ABUSED THEIR AUTHORITY TO OBTAIN A
WARRANT TO SPY ON A FORMER TRUMP CAMPAIGN ADVISER.
UGH, SOUNDS A LITTLE DRY.
CAN'T ANOTHER PORN STAR COME FORWARD ABOUT SPANKING THE
PRESIDENT?
IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK.
DADDY NEEDS HIS JUICE.
I NEED MY NUM NUMS!
( LAUGHTER ) NO?
NO PORN STARS IN THIS STORY?
OKAY.
HAVE YOU CHECKED?
OKAY.
CLEAR YOUR BROWSER.
( LAUGHTER ) SO -- CBS POLICY.
SO, WHO IS THIS NUNES?
WELL, THE CONGRESSMAN HAS A REPUTATION AROUND THE HILL FOR
BEING AN "OVEREAGER GOOFBALL" WHO CAN'T SEE "THE LINE BETWEEN
INGRATIATING AND STUPID."
SO HE CHOSE BOTH.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, SOME PEOPLE THINK THIS
MEMO SHOULDN'T BE RELEASED.
FOR INSTANCE, THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE, INCLUDING
THE F.B.I.
YESTERDAY, THE BUREAU ISSUED A RARE PUBLIC STATEMENT ABOUT THIS
MEMO WARNING IT HAS "GRAVE CONCERNS ABOUT MATERIAL
OMISSIONS OF FACT," WHICH IS F.B.I. FOR THIS IS HORSE
(BLEEP).
NUNES WOULDN'T EVEN LET THE F.B.I. TESTIFY ABOUT THE MEMO
ABOUT THEM, EXPLAINING HIS COMMITTEE IS "NOT GOING TO BE
BRIEFED BY THE PEOPLE THAT ARE UNDER INVESTIGATION BY THIS
COMMITTEE."
YES, THEY'RE UNDER INVESTIGATION.
EXPLAINS THIS FLYER I SAW AT THE POST OFFICE: "WANTED BY THE
F.B.I... THE F.B.I.!
FOR CONSPIRACY TO STOP A CONSPIRACY."
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHY IS THIS MEMO THE BIGGEST
STORY IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW?
WELL, PARTIALLY BECAUSE FRIENDS OF THE PRESIDENT TELL CNN THAT
"TRUMP SEES THE NUNES MEMO AS A WAY TO DISCREDIT THE RUSSIA
INVESTIGATION."
YES, IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE LOSING AT BASKETBALL, SO YOU
SHOOT THE REF.
"I GUESS I WIN.
THERE'S NOBODY TO TELL ME I DIDN'T.
WHO WANTS TO BE THE NEW REFEREE?"
( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, TRUMP BELIEVES THE
MEMO WOULD EXPOSE BIAS WITHIN THE AGENCY'S TOP RANKS AND MAKE
IT EASIER FOR HIM TO ARGUE THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATIONS ARE
PREJUDICED AGAINST HIM.
THEY ARE PREJUDICED AGAINST YOU!
BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU DID THE THING THEY'RE INVESTIGATING YOU
FOR.
THEIR DEEP THROAT IS LESTER HOLT!
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'S NOT THE ORIGINAL.
NO.
CLEAR YOUR BROWSER.
AND DIG THIS, DADDIO-- THERE'S SUSPICION THAT TRUMP'S WHITE
HOUSE HELPED NUNES WRITE THIS MEMO.
BECAUSE, REMEMBER, NUNES' LAST SUPPOSEDLY SHOCKING MEMO WAS
WRITTEN BY THE WHITE HOUSE.
THAT THEY GAVE TO HIM TO GIVE BACK TO THEM.
SO, DURING THEIR CLOSED DOOR HEARING, ILLINOIS CONGRESSMAN
MIKE QUIGLEY ASKED NUNES IF HE OR HIS STAFF HAD BEEN TALKING TO
WHITE HOUSE WHILE THEY WROTE THE MEMO.
NUNES MADE A FEW COMMENTS THAT DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION,
BEFORE FINALLY RESPONDING, "I'M NOT ANSWERING."
I THINK YOU JUST DID.
( LAUGHTER ) THE ULTIMATE TARGET OF THIS MEMO
APPEARS TO BE DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL AND HOUSE-ELF WITH A LAW
DEGREE, ROD ROSENSTEIN.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, ROSENSTEIN APPOINTED
ROBERT MUELLER, AND "UNDER JUSTICE DEPARTMENT REGULATIONS,
ONLY ROSENSTEIN CAN FIRE MUELLER."
YES, HE WHO HIRES, FIRES.
I BELIEVE IT'S LATIN LEGAL MAXIM, "SMELTUS DEALTUS."
( LAUGHTER ) I THINK.
I THINK I'M PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY.
ANYWAY...
TRUMP DOESN'T TRUST HIM.
REPORTEDLY, BACK IN DECEMBER, TRUMP TOOK ROSENSTEIN ASIDE AND
ASKED HIM WHETHER HE WAS, "ON MY TEAM."
IT'S ALL PART OF A PATTERN.
HE ALSO ASKED COMEY FOR HIS LOYALTY.
AND HE ONCE ASKED JEFF SESSIONS TO KEEP AN EYE ON ROBERT MUELLER
BY HIDING IN HIS POCKET.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: POCKET B.
POCKET B.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT NOW ALMOST
CERTAINLY THIS MEMO WILL BE RELEASED.
WE GET REPORTS THAT THERE IS A RISING FEAR IN THE WHITE HOUSE,
THAT THE NUNES MEMO IS A DUD, AND SOME IN THE WHITE HOUSE ARE
QUESTIONING WHETHER IT'S WORTH ANGERING THE F.B.I. DIRECTOR
AND INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY BY RELEASING IT.
"SIR, I KNOW WE PROMISED SEAN HANNITY WE'D SLATHER OURSELVES
WITH HONEY AND RUN THROUGH THE BEAR CAVE, BUT IT'S STARTING TO
FEEL LIKE A BAD IDEA..."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT, MR. PRESIDENT, EVEN IF THE
MEMO DOESN'T PROVE THAT THE F.B.I. IS OUT TO GET YOU, LOOK
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE-- AFTER YOU RELEASE IT, THEY MIGHT BE!
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MICHAEL SHANNON IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, TO BE -- EVEN MORE MONOLOGUE!