In this video
I'm going to share with you two of the biggest myths we have
about self-awareness and three things you can apply today
to increase your level of self-awareness.
I'll let you in on a little secret
We're not as self-aware as we think we are.
I'm going to be drawing upon a book that I recently
read. It called "Insights" by Tasha Eurich. "Insight" is a modern-day
deconstruction of a term that we have long used and abused
and thrown around like a hot potato buzzword of sorts.
And of course that term is "self-awareness". According to Eurich
who is also a psychologist, a whopping 95% of us think that
we're self-aware when in reality only 10 to 15% of us truly
are. So why does this matter?
We all have had experience with people who believe one way
about themselves
Yet come across completely differently to others. On one
end of the spectrum is the self-aggrandizing boss who feels
super confidently about her leadership skills when in reality,
she sucks and nobody respects her. On the other hand is the
people pleasing pushover who gives and gives and gives and
goes, "Oh my gosh"
"No, like what do you mean?"
"I totally, like, this is I do and I love it."
and boom.
He spontaneously combusts, because it turns out he had had
needs the entire time. As Extreme as these two examples might
be, they have more in common than you might think.
They're both examples of people who are diluted to some extent
either from being able to see themselves their inner workings
or their impact on others from an objective perspective.
Ultimately that is what self-awareness is.
It's the ability to see yourself objectively. Self-awareness
is such a coveted skill that Eurich calls it the meta skill of
the 21st century because it sets the upper limit for so many
skills we need to be successful in the world right now.
So what does self-awareness consist of? According to Eurich
it consists of two parts: internal and external. Internal self-awareness
means being in touch with your emotions,
attitudes ,values, and knowing your personality strengths and
weaknesses. External self-awareness means knowing how other
people see you and the impact that you have on them at any
given point in time.
This is where we come to myth number two. Studies show
there is no correlation between the amount of time people
spend in introspection and how self-aware they actually are.
I once dated a guy who prided himself on being self-aware
and at first I was super happy for him, and for me because
hey, self-awareness is a great characteristic to have.
But the more I got to know him the more it became apparent
how delusional he was to the way other people saw him.
He was so hung up on his own internal narratives and the
story of him that it had left a little room in his life for
the awareness of how other people actually saw him.
But yet in his mind, he thought he was self-aware because
he would spend so much time thinking about himself and I think in hindsight
he was just a little bit of a narc.
Wow there you go, you just talked about an ex in your video.
Anyways, the funny thing about introspection is that there
is no correlation.
Like we said, there's no correlation between the amount of
time you spend in introspection and how self-aware you
actually are. When left unchecked introspection can quickly
lead us to becoming attached to the Freudian narratives of
our lives. Self-awareness doesn't require that you understand
the whys of every decision you've ever made or the story
of you to its finest detail.
Going about this inquiry can lead to rumination and rumination
is a predecessor to anxiety and depression and all that good
stuff. So what are some things you can do in your life today
to raise your level of self-awareness? Fortunately,
Dr. Eurich thinks that this is a skill that anybody can learn.
So here are the three things
you can apply in your life today to raise your level of self-awareness
Number one: Start checking in with yourself, for at least five
minutes a day.
How are you feeling right now?
You can validate your feelings without having to call a therapist
who is just going to walk you through these three steps
anyways. The three steps to validation are one, acknowledging
whatever it is you're feeling. Two, accepting it and not judging
it. And three, taking a step back and understanding where it
came from.
That's it.
Super easy.
Number two, keep a journal but not necessarily one that you
write in every single day. The purpose of keeping a periodic
journal is so that you can go back and look at your feelings
views and attitudes of the past and compare and contrast them
with how you're feeling today.
And lastly number three.
My favorite one. Create a culture of radical candor within
your immediate networks.
This means be inviting of honest feedback from others
and to reciprocate it yourself from a place of loving kindness.
We want to surround ourselves with people who are going to
care about us enough to be honest about the way that we come
across etc etc.
But also obviously to sort of deliver that feedback from
a place of loving kindness. As individuals,
we can't learn and grow unless we proactively confront the
things that currently might be stifling.
So that's it for today's video.
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