Pokémon Sun and Moon might be the best installment
in the 20-year-old franchise to date
and has became Nintendo's
fastest selling games in the Americas,
selling a combined 3.7 million copies in just under two weeks,
an impressive 85% increase
over the last generation's X and Y.
While there have been a lot of big changes,
the newest additions to the Pokémon series
are still loaded with one
of my personal favourite parts of past games:
ridiculous Pokédex entries.
Whether they're creepy, unrealistic or just plain silly,
there's no shortage of questionable flavour text.
So pack your bags
because we're off to the tropical land of Alola
to bring you the 9 most ridiculous Pokédex entries
in Pokémon Sun and Moon.
#9 Incineroar:
Let's start off with a starter,
or the final evolution of a starter:
Incineroar.
Incineraor would land the title of most jacked Pokémon
of Sun and Moon were it not for Buzzwole.
Sorry, Incineroar,
but at least you weren't a fire-fighting type.
You're just a wrestler
that looks like it should be a fire-fighting type.
However, that's not why this Pokémon makes the list.
It's Dex entry from Moon reads
"After hurling ferocious punches and flinging furious kicks,
it finishes opponents off
by spewing fire from around its navel."
It doesn't breath fire,
it shoots it out of it's belly button.
Does that make it an innie or an outie?
Now, you might think that means that fire
is launching from the belt around it's waist,
but cats don't have a belly button like you and I.
There's more of a little scar
located right under their ribcage.
Now what that means
is that the WWE sized fire belt Incineroar wears
is pretty much only for show,
similar to an actual WWE championship belt.
#8 Stuffel and Bewear:
Next on our list is a twofor:
Stuffel and its evolution Bewear.
These Pokés are ridiculous by their nature.
They're made to look like teddy bears.
Stuffel even has a tag-shaped growth.
It's a fake price tag made out of flesh.
Hmm. Yummy.
Upon inspecting their Pokédex entries,
one learns that these cuties
are not something you want to be snuggling up against.
Stuffel's Sun entry says
"Despite its adorable appearance,
when it gets angry and flails about,
its arms and legs could knock a pro wrestler sprawling",
while Bewear's Moon entry reads
"This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions.
Many trainers have left this world after their spines
were crushed by its hug."
Wow.
Why on Earth would anyone ever keep a Pokemon
prone to crushing its own masters?
Because of their loving appearance
and brutal Dex entries,
Stuffel and Bewear had to make the list.
#7 Stoutland:
Here's a Pokémon with an entry
that provides some very odd world building:
Stoutland, the trainer-carrying,
item-sniffing terrier Pokémon.
In past games this normal type puppy
was often associated with a shaggy fur
and ability to rescue people stranded at sea
or lost in the mountains.
It wasn't until Sun and Moon
that Stoutland also gained
"intelligent" and "good-natured" to its descriptors.
What gets this puppy Poké a spot on our list is its Dex entry
from Moon which says
"With this wise Pokémon,
there could be no concern that it would ever attack people.
Some parents even trust it to babysit."
Listen, I know you want to go watch
the Pokémon Championship at the bar
but for the last time, your dog isn't an adequate babysitter.
Everyone thinks their dog is the smartest dog ever
because it can fetch you beer from the fridge
and knows not to pee in the house,
but your child needs things
like human affection and consistent discipline,
things a dog isn't going to be able to provide.
Then again, when we're talking about a world
where kids are more or less on their own by age ten,
then I guess even a bad babysitter
is more childcare than normal.
#6 Dhelmise:
The next Pokémon on the list
is something straight out of a cliché joke
about Stephen King's inability to create a good spook anymore.
Dhelmise is a 'Mon I was confused about.
I mean, is it an old ship helm attached to an anchor?
Why?
Who thought of that?
It wasn't until I read the Pokédex entry in Sun
that I realised that Dhelmise's body
is just the green seaweed bit:
"The soul of seaweed adrift in the waves
became reborn as this Pokémon.
It maintains itself
with new infusions of seabed detritus and seaweed."
Oh, spooky!
I didn't know seaweed had a soul.
That was the one part of sushi
that I didn't feel bad about eating before.
Also, this poor sentient seaweed died
and then came back as itself tangled up in garbage?
And it survives by accumulating waste
and what I have to imagine
are the corpses of its dead brethren?
There isn't a fate much worse than that.
#5 Muk:
The number five spot predicts the Poképocolypse
and requires Pokédex entries
from two forms of the same Pokémon: Muk.
Hear me out.
So, in Moon, the Dex entry for boring, old, Kanto Muk reads
"After recent environmental improvements,
this Pokémon is now hardly ever seen at all.
People speculate that it may go extinct at some point."
But then there's its colourful, toxic waste,
Alolan form's Moon entry which states
"While it's unexpectedly quiet and friendly,
if it's not fed any trash for a while,
it will smash its trainer's furnishings
and eat up all the fragments."
Now here's the thing, Alolan Muk is only different
because of its diet, as stated by Sun's Dex entry.
Therefore it's plausible that both Muk
and its Alolan form
share this destructive behaviour when hungry.
Those who thought Muk would die out are just plain wrong.
These things are going to be the downfall of civilization
as we know it.
The more Green we get the less trash there is
for the Muk population to consume,
which means they'll start destroying stuff
for sustenance and leaving nothing but a trail of toxic,
rainbow pudding in their wake.
Muk.
#4 Guzzlord:
Sun and Moon introduced us to Ultra Beasts,
bizarre interdimensional beings
that are for some reason never called Pokémon
despite the fact that they can be caught in special Pokéballs
called Beast Balls,
and are registered in your Pokédex once captured,
but whatever, they're Ultra Beasts, fine.
Guzzlord, codenamed UB-05 Glutton,
is a monstrous dark/dragon type Poké Ultra Beast
that is known for its never ending hunger.
It's Dex entry in Sun mentions that
some have witnessed Guzzlord
eat mountains and whole buildings.
Mountains!
For something that's only a bit taller than a one story house
and weighs about as much as an average 4-door car does,
that's pretty impressive.
And as ridiculous as that is to imagine,
that's not why it got on this list.
For that, we have to look at its entry in Moon:
"A dangerous Ultra Beast,
it appears to be eating constantly,
but for some reason
its droppings have never been found."
We're talkin' ultra dukey or rather a lack thereof.
Guzzlord not only comes from a wormhole
but its bowels must contain one too
because this thing can somehow consume whole mountains,
never gain weight, and never defecate.
#3 Turtonator:
I know what you're all thinking,
let's talk about poop some more!
Turtonator is a spiky turtle thing
with a Zelda boss styled weak point
in the form of a massive hole on its belly.
Its Pokédex entry from Moon reads
"It gushes fire and poisonous gases from its nostrils.
Its dung is an explosive substance
and can be put to various uses."
This thing has explosive poop.
Who comes up with this stuff?
Gamefreak, I want to be friends
with whoever writes the Dex entries...
But what I'm more curious about is when these droppings go boom?
Is it instantaneous?
In a few minutes? A week?
The entry says the poo has various uses so like...
have humans weaponised it?
I mean, is Excrement C4 a thing?
So many questions!
Even with all that,
I think what makes this one of my favourite entries
is the fact that it sheds light on Turtonator's battle stance.
See, you might have thought
it stood backwards in a squat position
because its shell explodes when hit,
but the stance is multifaceted
because this dopey looking turtle
is always ready to pop out a dynamite turd!
#2 Kadabra:
The second to last entry
has been around in different forms
since Pokémon Emerald
but it made a return in Pokémon Sun
and is just too ridiculous not to mention.
The 'Mon in question is Kadabra,
the middle evolution of the Abra line.
The entry reads,
"A theory exists that this Pokémon was a young boy
who couldn't control his psychic powers
and ended up transformed into this Pokémon."
So this theory is stupid,
and also horrifying on two different levels.
For one, if this is the origin story for Kadabra,
how does that relate
to the general population of the Abra line?
And I mean are there just a bunch of kids
that turned themselves into Pokémon
through incompetence?
If so, this world is in dire
need of a psychic education program.
The other horrifying aspect?
Every time you use this Pokemon, you are using a child.
It's bad enough that Pokemon battles
are glorified dog fighting,
but now we're throwing human children into the mix?
And with the games introducing breeding mechanics--
you know what?
We're going to stop this entry
before we wind up on some kind of list.
#1 Araquanid:
Last on the list is a Pokemon
that lands on the terrifying side of the ridiculous spectrum:
Araquanid, the 6 foot tall, 180 pound, water spider.
This thing is made up of nightmares
and its Pokédex entries from both Sun and Moon prove it.
"Despite what its appearance suggests, it cares for others.
If it finds vulnerable, weak Pokémon,
it protectively brings them into its water bubble,"
its Moon entry reads.
"Now wait, that's adorable"
is possible what you're thinking,
but hold onto your butts
because Sun has an M. Night Shyamalan-esque twist for ya'.
"It delivers headbutts with the water bubble on its head.
Small Pokémon get sucked into the bubble, where they drown."
Okay. Did you just catch that?
"It finds vulnerable, weak Pokémon,
it protectively brings them into its water bubble...
small Pokémon get sucked into the bubble,
where they drown!"
This thing is a monster!
Going around, pretending
like it's going to protect little Pokés
and then murdering them!
Do you know how many Pokémon are shorter than Araquanid?
I don't know just shy of 600 out of the 802 known species!
And not all of those 600 Pokémon are going to get stuck in there,
I get it water types won't for instance,
but I want this thing to be pure evil
so please, can we all just agree
that Araquanid is a devilish monstrosity?
Well there you go.
9 ridiculous Pokédex entries from Pokémon Sun and Moon.
As I mentioned in the last one
there are now over 800 different Pokémon out there,
plenty of which have absurd flavour text
associated with them.
So what I'm trying to get at is we couldn't pick 'em all.
If one of your favourites didn't make the list,
please, put the Dex entry in the comments below
and if you'd like to catch more content
as it's released make sure to subscribe to ArcadeCloud.
Thanks for watching!