- THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, WE WERE--
WELL, YOU WERE NAKED.
[laughter]
- WE DID A SHOWER SCENE TOGETHER.
IT WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A SHOWER,
AND THEN SHE INSISTED ON FILMING IT.
- [laughing]
- AND--
[laughs]
AND THE AGREEMENT WAS-- I HAD TEXTED ELLEN.
I HAD SAID, "I'D LIKE YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH ME
"IN A SHOWER, NAKED, FOR MY LAST EPISODE
OF MY LAST SHOW."
AND SHE SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE."
AND THEN THE AGREEMENT WAS THAT YOU WERE GONNA COME UP,
AND YOU WERE GONNA BE NUDE, AND I WAS GONNA BE NUDE--
- NO. NEVER. I WAS NEVER, EVER GONNA BE NUDE.
THERE WAS NEVER AN AGREEMENT OF ME BEING NUDE EVER.
NEVER.
IN YOUR HEAD, I WAS NUDE.
[laughter]
- YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT.
- AH! [chuckles]
I'D LOVE TO SEE IT. - YOU SIGNED IT.
MY LAWYER WORKED UP A CONTRACT, AND YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT,
AND SHE SAID, "I WILL BE THERE."
OBVIOUSLY, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ARRIVED NUDE.
I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO DRIVE OVER IN YOUR CAR NUDE.
- RIGHT. NO, NO.
ODDLY ENOUGH, I DROVE OVER NUDE,
THEN I GOT DRESSED WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE CAR
WHEN WE DID THE SCENE.
I ALWAYS DRIVE NUDE.
[laughter]
- THE HARD PART FOR ME IS--
I MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MUST FEEL LIKE
TO BE IN A SHOWER WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU RESPECT AND YOU ADMIRE,
AND YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON, AND I DON'T.
- UH-HUH. [laughs]
- THAT WAS A VERY LOW POINT IN MY LIFE, SO...
- RIGHT, IT WAS--
- SEE, LOOK HOW UPSET I AM. LOOK.
- YEAH.
IT WAS QUITE SOMETHING TO BE STANDING THERE
WITH SOMEONE THAT I ALSO ADMIRE AND LIKE VERY MUCH.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.
YOU'RE JUST NAKED, JUST--
AND THEN AT ONE POINT, SHE DECIDED TO BOUNCE.
LIKE, TO JUMP UP AND DOWN
AND BOUNCE OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
WHICH WAS, LIKE, VERY DIFFICULT TO GET THROUGH THAT SCENE.
[laughter]
- SHE--IT WAS SO HARD TO NOT LAUGH--
WELL, WE WERE LAUGHING. WE COULDN'T NOT LAUGH.
AND SHE SAID, "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
BEING IN A SHOWER WITH A LESBIAN?"
AND I SAID, "NO. NO, I DON'T."
CAN I STAND UP? - YEAH, YOU CAN DO IT.
- AND I GO, "NO, I DON'T."
[laughter]
- ALTHOUGH-- - IT'S DIFFERENT NOW.
- IT'S DIFFERENT, 'CAUSE YOU-- - IT'S DIFFERENT.
MY BREAST-ES, THEY WERE OUT. - YEAH.
- BUT ANYWAY, WE HAD TO--
- THERE'S SOMETHING HOLDING THEM INTACT RIGHT NOW.
- IT'S A BRA. IT'S CALLED A BRA.
[laughter]
YEAH. SO THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY THOUGH.
WE WERE LAUGHING SO HARD.
WE COULDN'T GET THROUGH IT.
IT'S SUCH A GOOD FEELING WHEN YOU LAUGH LIKE THAT.
- I KNOW. - IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
- UNTIL PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "WE'RE WASTING A LOT OF TIME."
BUT WE REALLY DID.
WE LAUGHED EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I TRIED VERY HARD TO JUST STARE AT YOU AND NOT LAUGH.
AND THEN WE GOT THROUGH IT. IT WAS VERY FUNNY.
- I THINK IT'S VERY EMPOWERING FOR ME.
LIKE, I LIKE TO BE NAKED BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE MY BODY SERIOUSLY.
I DON'T-- I KNOW PEOPLE DO,
AND THAT'S NICE FOR THEM,
BUT I THINK BODIES ARE SO SILLY.
AND I THINK IT'S- AND, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE SO VAIN IN THIS BUSINESS.
LIKE, EVERYBODY'S SO WORRIED ABOUT--
MYSELF INCLUDED-- THAT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT--
FIRST OF ALL, THESE ARE, LIKE, THE BEST THING
I HAVE GOING ON MY BODY, SO I LIKE TO
TAKE THEM OUT WHENEVER I CAN AND BE LIKE, "HEY, LOOK."
YOU KNOW, "PRETEND THIS IS MY WHOLE FACE."
[both laugh] - IS THAT WHY?
- YEAH, THAT'S WHY.
- TO DISTRACT YOU FROM ANYTHING ELSE?
- YEAH, JUST-- YES, EXACTLY.
- YOU DO IT A LOT, 'CAUSE YOU POST PICTURES OF YOURSELF,
YOU KNOW, AND YOUR BREASTS A LOT.
RIGHT?
- THAT WAS ME GETTING READY FOR YOU THAT DAY.
I HAD TO PUT BODY MAKEUP ON AND EVERYTHING
JUST TO BE STOOD UP WITH A SWEATER.
- UH-HUH. [laughs]
YEAH, AND THAT'S YOU JUST ON THE SET.
- YEAH.
- AND THERE'S, LIKE, TONS--
IT'S LIKE THIS, THERE'S--
[laughter]
WELL, THAT'S-- THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THAT.
- THAT--THAT WAS, I WAS IN MAJORCA
WITH SOME GIRLFRIENDS, AND I DID THAT
BECAUSE MY FRIENDS--
I HAVE A THING WHERE WE TAKE PHOTOS,
AND THEY THINK WE'RE TAKING A BEAUTIFUL, YOU KNOW, PHOTO,
LIKE, IN AFRICA OR, YOU KNOW, IN THE SAHARA.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I TAKE--
'CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I'M TAKING MY BOOB OUT, SO--
UNTIL THEY GET THE PHOTO BACK.
[laughter]
AND SO IT'S NOT FUNNY FOR EVERYONE,
BUT IT'S FUNNY FOR ME, AND THAT'S REALLY ALL--
THE ONLY PERSON THAT I'M TRULY TRYING TO ENTERTAIN IS MYSELF.
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "CHELSEA"-- SO MY FRIEND SAID,
"CHELSEA, PLEASE STOP DOING THAT.
"YOU KNOW, WE NEED REAL PHOTOS
"THAT WE CAN PUT UP IN OUR HOUSE.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I'M GONNA TWEET IT."
AND I'M LIKE, "I'LL TWEET IT."
[laughter] SO I DID.
SO THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED THERE. - SO THAT'S HOW IT STARTED.
- AND THEN I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY
BECAUSE OF EVERYBODY'S PHOTO THAT--
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY-- THE PHOTO HACKING SCANDAL.
AND I THOUGHT, "IF SOMEBODY GOES THROUGH MY PHONE,
IT'S GONNA BE A DISASTER."
SO THEN I JUST STARTED SENDING MORE OUT.
I'M LIKE, "I'LL HACK MYSELF." - LET'S GET 'EM OUT THERE.
- LET'S GET IT OUT THERE. - LET'S NOT WAIT FOR HACKERS.
- NOBODY'S EVER GONNA MAKE MONEY ON A NAKED PICTURE OF ME,
'CAUSE I'LL SELL IT TO YOU FOR FREE.
[laughter]
UH-OH.
DID YOU WANT TO SEE MORE VIDEOS?
HOLD ON.
[static hissing]
- THESE TWO GIRLS GOT UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY Q&A AND LEFT.
AND I HAVE A MIC--
[screaming] OH, YOU--
[cheers and applause]