A lot of people have the idea
that I am against parents.
This isn't actually the case.
But where people get this idea from,
is that I teach reality.
And the reality is,
you didn't just pop out like you are.
The reality is,
you are actually the byproduct of cause and effect.
Even though there are certain vibrational frequencies
that you opt into as part of your incarnation process,
what psychologists actually have right,
is that the majority of the formation of your personality,
actually is the result of adaptations to your early social environment.
That's right!
It's mom and dad,
or whoever your caregivers were.
Your Parents Aren't The Problem (The Parents Within You Are)
If something goes wrong with a website,
you go back to how the code was written.
And it's no different
than what we do with our own lives.
We have to do the same thing
to discover how our own faulty programming was installed
and what it's causing us to do in our adult lives.
We have to change the pattern that was adopted by us
in those formative years,
and then repeat it over and over again.
The reality is:
even the most well-meaning parents on the planet
create faulty programming for their children.
Also, the reality is:
I have shaken hands with probably five parents so far
over the course of my entire career,
that actually have the capacity to own,
that they created this faulty patterning unconsciously in their child.
Most parents
for refusal to look at this faulty patterning within themselves,
that was propagated to their children
and because of wanting to avoid guilt and shame,
they vehemently defend that faulty programming
that is in fact destroying their children's lives.
My grand vision
is for all people (no matter what role they play in each other's lives),
to be able to heal together.
This means it is not my intention
to separate children from their parents.
Hell no!
In my perfect universe,
parents would heal along with their children.
But here's the thing,
what my goal is above and beyond everything else, is awareness.
My goal is to break people free
of their faulty patterning.
And this means, anyone who sits in front of me.
Where this goes terribly wrong,
is when a family makes the belonging inside the family group
dependent upon the upholding of these faulty patterns.
If I had my way,
when one person and a family changed a pattern for the better,
all other members of that family would do this for themselves
and thus create better relationships in the entire family system.
This is the real reason why parents even have specific children,
in the first place.
The greater universe is concerned with the growth and expansion
and joy of all beings in existence.
This universe always pairs children with parents
when they hold the key to their self-awareness.
This is a child who is supposed to switch a parent's pattern,
to be in alignment with that parent's actual desires.
Parents either realize this and shift,
or resist that shift and by doing so
turn against their own child.
The reason that a parent can't usually see
that a child is going to make them a match to their actual desires is:
"Be careful what you wish for."
If a person really wants something,
but there's a pattern in their programming
that is preventing that thing they really want,
then the child will come in
as an antithesis to that pattern that they're upholding.
Now there's a lot of reasons why someone upholds a pattern.
And when the child exists as an oppositional force to that pattern
that they are upholding,
either they change it,
or they perceive the child as an antagonist.
They will think when this is occurring,
that this child is not what they really wanted.
For example,
if a mother gives up on her own deep career desires to have a child,
she will slip into a pattern of self-sacrifice.
Her child will seem completely self-centered and ungrateful to her.
Really, this child has come
to get the mother out of her pattern of self-sacrifice,
so she will choose to pursue the career purpose she had intended.
If this mother shifts contrary to her current perspective,
this child will actually support that choice in the mother.
If she doesn't this relationship will deteriorate.
It will cause the mother to doubt
even having a child in the first place,
because this child did not give the validation and guaranteed love
that she thought she would get out of that pattern of self-sacrifice.
The reality is that the number one need
for a physical human is connection and closeness
within the social group.
And this is really scary,
because it means that we will uphold
faulty patterning
for the sake of closeness with a social group,
to the absolute detriment of our own lives.
We will keep these patterns.
We will defend these patterns.
And first and foremost,
we will defend the people who programmed us with these patterns
(our parents),
no matter the risk to ourselves.
This means, whether you want to admit it or not,
whether it was their intention or not,
the programming that you were given in your early life
and the people who programmed you with it were the problem.
A lot of people feel like accepting this and changing those patterns,
is in fact a betrayal to their parents.
Now I want to challenge this for you for a minute.
You can't actually argue that changing these faulty patterns
is betraying your parents,
unless you are also willing to accept,
that in order to be in a relationship with them,
you have to in fact uphold things that hurt you.
In other words,
you also have to be willing to accept that your parents are right.
That by breaking free of damaging patterns and getting happy
you are betraying them.
If so, you need to take a look at that for a minute.
Because I'm pretty sure that is the definition
of a terrifying/abusive relationship.
Seeing and accepting the rather unsavory
reality of your specific family is not betraying them.
And it also does not imply
that you have to end your relationship to them.
Some people when they become aware of patterns,
become aware of the whole dynamic of their family,
the reality of it and the truth,
some people may choose,
to separate from their parents.
Either temporarily or permanently.
Other times,
people see those patterns
and manage to actually shift them,
so that they can develop an even closer relationship to their family
than they ever had before.
Unfortunately,
a lot of whether a person chooses to do one thing
or the other thing in this scenario,
depends upon a lot of specific circumstances.
Basically there are variables in every situation,
including the receptivity of the family,
that make so that a person can either change
and develop closer relationships,
or change and not have relationships with their family.
That is also not something that I control.
All this being said,
and all this needing to have been said,
I'm going to tell you something today that has the capacity
to change the way that you view life entirely.
And it's this:
After you no longer live with your parents
and therefore are no longer under the influence
of the programmers of those faulty programs
that you may be experiencing in your life,
your parents are not the problem.
Your parents WITHIN YOU are the problem.
Let me explain;
When we feel hurt by someone in the past
and we feel doomed because we can clearly see that a pattern
that was installed in us is damaging us, instead of assisting us,
we tend to feel powerless
and as a result afraid.
As a result, angry at the cause of that pattern.
This is why it's so common for a person to be really really
angry at their parents in one phase during the process of healing.
But this eventually leads to more powerlessness
and therefore inhibited healing because you cannot change them.
Can you?
If they change it's entirely up to them.
They have free will.
Because of this, let's be honest,
often It feels like you're healing in spite of them.
This all changes when you realize something,
your parents are inside you.
It is not your external parents that keep the detrimental pattern alive.
It is your parents internalized.
Consciousness itself functions like water.
If you zoom out to watch a river from above,
you can see that that river branches off
into several smaller rivers.
In other words,
our consciousness fragments.
When our consciousness fragments,
our sense of self becomes fragmented.
This means that even though we have one body,
we have multiple selves within that body.
Most of us simply see these as different sides to the personality.
But if you look at them the way they really are,
it's more like boxes.
The best way to picture this,
is to imagine that inside your body,
you have a collection of Siamese twins.
To understand this completely and in depth,
watch my video titled:
Fragmentation (The Worldwide Disease)
in this video I also propose a method
that will help you to understand the solution to the information
I will provide in the rest of this video.
What most people don't know is that every single child
copes with their childhood environment
in a very specific way.
They internalize their relationship with their parents,
by creating an internal Siamese twin,
to perfectly mirror each parent.
The primary reason that a child will do this,
is to establish rapport
with a person upon whom their life depends.
The second reason that a child does this,
is to actually take control away from the parent.
They do this so that the relationship
and especially conflict,
can take place internally
and under the perceived control of the child,
instead of externally and out of control of the child.
For example,
let's say that a parent has a pattern
of continuously humiliating their child.
This child will create an internal fragment
of their own consciousness,
who is a perfect mirror of the one that is humiliating them.
A perfect mirror of Mom or Dad
(it depends on who the Humiliator is).
It humiliates him or her before their parent does.
The idea behind this, is that if he or she takes over this job,
not only do they control the humiliation
and therefore it hurts less,
he or she might also be able to do it
before the parent has a chance to do it.
Thus decreasing the rate of humiliation.
But this part, (now internalized)
presents a little bit of a problem.
Even though it was a coping technique,
that managed to save their life,
when they were living with mom and dad,
this pattern exists long long after
this person moves out of the house.
Long into adulthood.
This means even though Mom or Dad
is not there to humiliate you,
you are walking around the world with a part inside you
that is consistently humiliating you.
One of the best examples
of this internalized parent fragment going horribly horribly wrong,
is self-hate.
Self-hate is one of the most dangerous adaptations
a person can develop.
To understand this in depth watch my video titled:
Self Hate (The Most Dangerous Coping Mechanism)
This also has drastic implication
for people who were given away to adoption.
Or whom were born to parents that didn't actually want them,
but kept them anyway.
What this means, is that you have internalized
a part that is a mirror of that aspect of Mom and Dad,
that continually doesn't want you
and that may try to give you away.
Here's a fun little hint;
Fragments within a person's consciousness
function like boxes within a larger box.
Every personality fragment that is created
as a mirror to your relationship with dad,
will belong to the bigger fragment that mirrors your dad.
For example, if dad lacks empathy,
you may have a part of yourself that lacks empathy.
If he is constantly criticizing you,
you may have a part that constantly criticizes you from the inside.
If he is a hyper achiever,
you may have a part of yourself that is a hyper achiever.
These parts you could either be identified with or you could suppress.
All three of these parts (small boxes)
actually fit into the larger fragment
(larger box within your consciousness)
of dad within me.
What I can tell you is that it is way harder
to change a pattern if you are continuously
being programmed with that pattern.
This is why it is so incredibly hard
to heal in your childhood environment.
Have you noticed that it's like you go out to the real world
and that feels a little bit better most of the time,
then you go home and you're right back to the same pattern?
It's because you're under the influence of the original programmer
before having really changed those patterns.
Also, it has to be said
that sometimes when you change a pattern
you're not even vibrationally able
within the universe at large
to share the same space with that person.
Sometimes it's a personal preference,
but sometimes it's actually literally just the law of attraction at work.
For example,
it's way harder to change a pattern of low self-esteem into self-worth
if you're living with the people who berate you.
And if you develop self-esteem the likelihood is that you will not choose
to be near people who berate you.
Or vibrationally you maybe in a space where quite literally
because of the law of attraction you won't even be able to
step into the same room with people who would decrease your self esteem.
But here is the best news you will probably ever hear;
In order to change these patterns,
you don't actually need to change the relationship
with your actual parents at all.
This means,
they don't even have to be alive.
You don't need your parents to change in order for you to heal.
Your healing has nothing to do with whether they change or don't.
All you need to do is improve the relationship
between the internalized fragments
that are a reflection of your parents
and whatever parts are opposite of those parts of you.
The parts they oppose.
The most ironic thing of all,
is that it is only by doing this
that you can actually change your relationship to your actual parents.
~ Laughter ~
Working with the internalized fragment
that is a perfect mirror of your parent,
basically, your parent internalized,
is the healing that you've been looking for.
To understand healing completely I suggest you watch my video titled:
What is Healing?
It is when we change a detrimental internal pattern to its opposite,
that we see how to change that pattern in the external world.
I cannot tell you how many people have worked with
and created resolve with and brought healing for
these patterns that are a part of the internalized aspect of their parents.
And had that completely shift
the way they see their parents and therefore completely shift,
the way they interact with their parents
and therefore create incredible openings
for the healing with the parent themselves
in the external world.
In a perfect world,
we would only be programmed with that which will benefit us
throughout the course of our lives.
In a perfect world,
anytime we realized that something our parent did or didn't do
programmed us in a way that was detrimental
and we brought that to them, our parent would instantly go:
"Oh my god, I can't believe I did that. Ah, wait wait I've gotta shift it in me."
"And now I'm going to shift the way I behave with you
and provide the missing experience."
Alas we do not live in a perfect world yet.
We live in a world
where people are constantly expanding.
And people are more or less resistant to that expansion.
The reality is that most of you who are still telling the story
that your childhood was great or at least good by comparison
are avoiding looking at your own faulty programming
(which everyone else can see)
because of fear.
And that fear is perfectly understandable.
Even if it is resistance to your own expansion
and the progress of human society
within the world in general.
For those of you who actually do see that faulty programming,
the reality is,
you didn't deserve it.
The reality is, it wasn't fair.
The reality is,
even though some esoteric part of you
may have chosen this for your life in general,
that doesn't mean that anyone would consciously choose this,
so it isn't your fault.
This means it really sucks that you can't have your childhood back
for a do-over.
But the good news is,
you're not doomed.
The good news is,
that the future is not decided.
At any point, you can break free
of the pattern of determinism.
And with your free will, shift a pattern
which shifts everything that you are a match to in this universe.
It is possible to break free
of this path of determinism,
with conscious awareness.
It is more than possible,
to change the patterns within yourself
that are currently causing you heartache in your adult life.
And the way to do it,
is to change the patterns within the parents within yourself.
Have a good week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com