Dear diary...
go fuck yourself.
Just kidding.
I don't know what to write in this stupid thing.
Anyway, hi.
My name is Sydney.
I'm a boring 17-year-old white girl.
I'm not special, is what I'm trying to say.
And I'm okay with that.
We moved to Pennsylvania two years ago.
And not like a cute part of Pennsylvania, either, with corn and cabbage and shit.
Like, my town's won the grand prize for most polluted air in America
for a bunch of years in a row now, so...
Ms. Cappriotti made me promise to do this.
Promise you'll do this.
She said it might help with my moods.
Might help with your moods.
I keep losing my temper.
I don't want to, but it just spills out.
It's because my dad sort of died last spring.
So, I'm supposed to write what now? I don't get it.
Anything.
Everything. Whatever comes to mind.
And now no one knows what to say to me.
Think of it like you're just talking to yourself
and no one will ever read it but you.
Not even the guidance counselor.
Can't I just... use my phone?
Your phone will be distracting, don't you think?
I'd like you to have something a little more...
therapeutic.
These things are never easy,
but I do want you to at least attempt
to have a normal high-school experience.
I mean, she's pretty all right, I guess.
Even if she does smell like an old hippie.
Anyway, here's to a normal high-school experience.
Whatever the fuck that means.
And, yes, during arousal there is an increase in all sort of things,
including adrenaline and, of course, blood flow.
And the blood flow continues down
and then gets trapped within the corpora cavernosa.
The penis expands, and this is how
the Homo sapien male is able to hold an erection.
Yes?
From my experience, Mr. File, the holding of an erection is far more successful
in the hands of a Homo sapien female.
Very funny, Mr. Lewis.
Just talking science.
Moving on.
When a female gets sexually excited,
there is also increased blood flow to the genitals.
Oh, come on, fire crotch.
-Laugh. That was funny. -...to swell. Why is all this happening?
Your scrotum looks different than others. That's an asymmetrical scrotum.
-Having one is not at all unusual. -My best friend is Dina.
So, if you do have...
She's such a badass.
Normally, I don't think she'd choose me as a friend,
but we both moved here around the same time.
Both the new kids in town, you know? So, guess I kind of lucked out.
Before Dina, I mostly just kept to myself.
I'm not the kind of person that like attention really,
but she has this way about here that she just makes me feel different.
She was with me when I found out about my dad.
She held my hand.
We cried.
And now, since then, she keeps me laughing.
And all I wanna do is melt into the floor.
Which sort of made me realize, I've never had a best friend before.
So, I'm standing there, trying to get by, and he's all, like:
"Oh, who's the new girl in town?" And I'm like, "Shut up. It's me, Dina."
Wait, this is Brad Lewis?
Yeah.
He's sort of sweet, you know?
And then, he asked me to homecoming.
What, and you accepted?
No, I told him to take his washboard abs and chiseled jawline
and get out of my face.
Yeah, of course I said yes.
Oh, my God, you had sex with him, didn't you?
Holy shit.
Holy shit. You gave Bradley Lewis your v-card?
-Please tell me he used a condom because-- -Yes, of course.
-I know. -Dina just got her braces off
and her boobs suddenly arrived,
so, of course, golden boy Bradley Lewis takes notice.
So, what? Are you guys, like, suddenly boyfriend and girlfriend or something?
I mean, we haven't put a label on it yet, but...
I really like him, okay?
This is the worst.
Yeah, no. Yeah, no, sure, I get it.
Just give him a chance.
Oh, come on. There's gotta be someone you sort of like.
Just a little.
I don't know. Just guess I haven't really thought about it.
Well, think about it.
And then maybe we can all go to homecoming together.
Like a double-date thing.
Hey, babe.
-Hey. -Sorry I couldn't wait.
I'm good, babe.
They both call each other "babe". Kill me right now.
-Hey, Syd. -Bradley.
Think that your mom could hook us up with some burgers?
They're just, they're so great here.
She's not working today.
I was just asking.
Okay.
You want a burger, Brad? Let's get a burger. I've got some cash.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Wanna share, babe? -Yeah.
-Please, stop. -Ketchup.
Help yourself.
So.
Dina's just great, isn't she?
Jesus. You ever smile?
Not today.
-So, what have we decided? -Whatever you want, babe.
-Please, please stop. -Whatever you wanna get, babe.
I wish he would just stop talking.
Wipe that smug smile off his stupid, stupid face.
-Fuck. Shit. -Oh, my God.
-Oh, fuck. -Are you okay?
-I'm fine. -Wait. What?
-What the fuck? Just give me a minute. -Okay. Take a tissue.
Give me a minute, all right?
So, here's the deal.
Today, I almost convinced myself that I made Bradley Lewis's nose bleed.
With my mind.
Right.