- [Instructor] Hi Psych2Gos and welcome back
to another brand new video.
Have you ever thought you were going crazy?
Do you struggle with expressing your emotions
or properly trusting others?
Does it feel like everyone else has it figured out but you?
It can be easy to blame yourself for your shortcomings,
but how you were raised
also plays a role in who you grow up to be
and how you handle your emotions.
Your experiences throughout your personal upbringing
have far reaching effects on your life.
By taking an honest look at how your parents treated you,
your sibling relationships
and your family dynamics as a whole,
you can spot the signs of toxicity that were present
but you were unaware of at the time.
If you relate to any of these six signs,
you're not crazy, it's your upbringing.
Number one, conditional love.
Does it feel like your parents only treat you well
when you're successful?
They may shower you with love and affection
when it's convenient for them
but the second something goes wrong,
they treat you like a disappointment
and all that love and affection goes away.
When someone loves you with conditions,
it means that they put terms, restrictions,
or rules on how they give you their love.
When those conditions weren't met,
your parents may have retaliated with verbal abuse
or doled out the silent treatment.
In extreme cases,
they may have responded with physical abuse.
This can lead you to think
that you have to earn another person's love
and you may be a chronic people pleaser
or are more easily taken advantage of.
So if you relate to this point, you're not crazy.
It's your parents' conditional type of love
that contributes to many misconceptions
you may have about it.
Just try to remember that real love is truly unconditional
and you don't have to earn anything to be worthy of it.
Number two, guilt tripping.
Do your parents constantly use phrases
like, "If you really care about me you'd..."
Or "I've done so much for you and this is how you repay me?"
When parents guilt trip their children
into doing things for them,
it can lead to certain misconceptions about love
and that it has to be repaid.
You may have formed the idea that kindness
always comes with strengths,
or struggle with feelings like you're a burden on others
including your family.
Demanding respect is not something your mom
or dad should hold over your head.
If you struggle with accepting kindness and trusting others,
you're not broken or crazy.
It's likely a result of being guilt tripped as a child.
Number three, taking accountability.
When your parents argue with you,
do they ever admit that they were at fault
or sincerely apologize to you?
Do they ever take accountability for themselves
and how they've treated you?
Some parents struggle to admit when they're at fault
especially as you are younger than them.
They may feel prideful and not want to bruise their ego
or thank you or being disrespectful
if you try and challenge them.
Whether good or bad your parents,
your one of your biggest influences
and role models you had growing up.
If they always struggled to admit to any wrongdoings,
you may have internalized that as how people
in positions of power should act towards you.
You accepted that when in a power balance,
the person in power didn't have to take accountability
for their actions.
You might struggle with admitting fault,
taking responsibility for your words and actions,
or feeling too prideful yourself.
Number four, the comparison game.
When you were growing up,
did your parents use phrases of comparison
like, "Why can't you be more like..."
Or "When your sister was your age,
"they had accomplished this."
Your parents are the ones who are supposed to love you
and support you unconditionally.
But if they said things like this to you
throughout your childhood
and frequently compared you to others,
you may end up thinking
that's what all forms of love are like.
You may find someone who is overly competitive,
easily jealous of others and has low self-esteem.
You may be resentful of your siblings
and others who are seemingly more accomplished than you.
If this describes you,
know that accomplishments don't define your worth
and that you are not broken.
Number five, projecting flaws and insecurities.
When your parents criticize you,
does it ever sound like they're describing themselves?
Did your parents seemingly project
everything they disliked about themselves onto you?
This could be a way to deflect
and actively avoid their own flaws
because they simply don't want to face them.
When you're a kid,
you don't realize that this is what your parents are doing
and your self esteem can be heavily affected
when you're viewed through such a critical lens.
You may be experiencing feelings of self-loathing,
anxiety, or depression, but you are not your parents
nor are you required to take on their flaws.
You also have the power to let go and move on.
And number six, over controlling behavior.
Does it feel as if your parents
keep an eye on everything that you do?
Are they always involved in your business
needing to know who you talk to,
what you're wearing or where you're going?
Well, parents have a natural instinct
to protect their child.
This instinct can be taken too far
when it encroaches on your own privacy.
You might feel suffocated by your parents
and their over-controlling behavior.
You might hide things from them so they won't find out,
or have rebelled against them in your teen years,
or maybe you stayed sheltered under your parents
and are more easily taken advantage of.
Over controlling behavior
is one of the biggest causes of strained relationships
between parents and their children.
So if you struggle with this as well, you're not crazy
and it isn't your fault.
Did you relate to any of these signs?
If so, which ones struck home with you the most?
Sometimes your parents can be toxic
and emotionally harmful towards you.
They might not even know
or realize they've treated you like this.
And while they may have had good intentions,
how your parents raised you
does have significant effects on you.
You don't have to blame yourself
for feeling the negative effects of your upbringing.
It's hard to internalize,
but you are not broken, crazy or unworthy of love.
Please like and share this video if it helped you
and you could help someone else too.
The studies and references used
are listed in the description below.
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We'll see you next time.