I was 17 when I moved into Harvard.
It's 6am on August 20, leaving to my new home in America I'm really excited.
Now granted, I turned 18, about a week later, but I was a baby.
It's pretty funny to look back on pictures and videos from this time, in many ways, I
was really immature and unprepared for what college was going to throw my way.
But I think I had to be.
I was at Harvard in person for two years: my first year, which kind of culminated in
this experience of my youtube channel blowing up at the end of the year, and my second year,
which was marked at the beginning of the year, by heartbreak.
I didn't really talk about it on social media, because social media is really weird with
relationships.
It was messy, and I didn't know how to deal with the emotions.
And I especially didn't know how to deal with it with YouTube going on and with school going
on.
I felt like I just needed a break from the chaos.
So I made it through that year...
But I decided to take a year off, I took a voluntary leave of absence from Harvard and
I went to Montreal.
In Montreal, I worked on some really fun projects, I did some art projects, did some AI projects,
I did a bunch of YouTube work, I made some amazing friends, it was a really rewarding
experience, and one in which I felt I matured a lot.
I think just being outside of college outside of school, for the first time, really in my
life.
This was a time where I realized, Hey, you know, I can survive in the real world.
And then about halfway through that year, I started to see these news articles pop up
in my group chats about some virus that was showing up overseas... we all kind of know
how that one turned out.
It completely derailed any plans that I had, and, you know, change that year entirely.
But in many ways, it was also a maturing experience for me seeing these opportunities being taken
away from me and having to figure out okay, how do I navigate this as a young person who
suddenly can't see any friends or anything?
And one of the things that I had to decide was, okay, do I go back to Harvard for online
classes, because the classes were not being offered in person?
Or do I take another year off?
There were a bunch of factors that I considered and in the end, I decided to go back to school,
which, retrospectively looking back now, I think was a mistake.
I think it was overly optimistic about my chances of returning to campus, I thought
there was a pretty good chance that I would end up back on campus in the spring, which
I did not.
And I think I was also overly optimistic about myself and my ability to deal with zoom classes
and to really engage with them.
I did my best, but it was it was a really hard time and a really hard year.
And to be honest, also my fault, I didn't really take care of myself that well.
And especially in the final few months of that year, I really, really struggled.
And it makes sense, right?
I was spending so many hours of my day just staring at a computer screen, doing this kind
of what felt like menial work.
And I wasn't taking time to dive into passions, I wasn't taking that much time to connect
with friends, obviously, really, you know, things that were made much more difficult
due to the pandemic, but it was just overall a tough situation.
And that brings us to this Summer.
Junior summer, if you're following the traditional Harvard trajectory is typically a summer where
you figure out what you're doing full time, especially if you're working in finance or
consulting, you get your internship that then turns into a full time offer post grad.
Not everyone does this.
It's definitely the traditional route.
But I haven't really followed the traditional route for a few years now.
But I definitely felt this pressure.
And for me, it was also a pressure of, I didn't feel like I was doing anything meaningful
by the end of the school year.
And so I felt Okay, let's double down, let's take on more, when in reality, I was pretty
much just burnt out.
I figured this out pretty quickly though, I realized that, okay, I'm not really in a
position to be throwing a whole lot more on my shoulders, especially given that I have
only one year left.
And I have these kind of regrets, especially about taking a year online.
I really want to cherish the next year and to really savor these moments.
And I'm not going to do that, if I'm coming into the school year completely burned out
completely drained.
And so I made the decision to kind of back off a little bit this summer, and to really
re engage with passions and with my friends and family and really focus on entering the
school year with a recharge battery, not one that needs charging desperately.
No, I've worked really hard.
And I've been really lucky from a financial and a career standpoint with YouTube with
investments that I've made with products that I've sold, etc, that I'm in a pretty comfortable
position financially.
And after college, I have a bunch of different options that I could pursue full time that
would be really fulfilling and really rewarding.
I don't have to worry about that so much as much as it's important.
And something that I'll have to think about obviously, it's not like it's going away anytime
soon.
But what is going away is my chance to actually appreciate what I have.
In the moment.
When I think about where I was when I took the year off from school.
I had really up to that point been rushing forward with everything in my life.
It was all future oriented.
What's next?
What's next, you know, just jumping my way into a career.
And along the way, I think I forgot to nourish myself and I forgot to cherish my friendships
and to really appreciate the opportunities around me which were plentiful.
There's so many cool things I was really lucky to experience.
And I was always just focused on what's next more and more and more and more.
And that's a mindset that just completely depletes you because it's never enough when
you're all Always looking for more, it's kind of a scarcity
mindset of like, I need more, I need more, I need more, and you fail to realize it, what
you have is amazing.
Now, I've been away from Harvard longer than I was ever there, which is a little bit crazy,
and definitely a little bit intimidating for me.
A lot of the friends that I entered school with, have now graduated, and they're on to
living their lives.
In fact, most of my friends have graduated so many ways.
It feels like it's freshman year all over again, I'm going into a place it's going to
be filled with strangers, wonderful strangers, wonderful opportunities.
But I think I'm coming in now with an extra four years of life, and a bunch of advantages
on myself.
One of those advantages, even though I do regret doing online school, I finished my
degree during online school, all my requirements, I got them out of the way.
And so this year, I can take whatever courses I want, I have eight courses, there's only
one requisite that I have to take.
So of those eight, seven of them are just optional courses, I can take electives in
any subject that I find interest in.
Another thing that I think the time and the maturity has brought is that things don't
feel so high stakes anymore.
I remember when I came into college, I felt like everything that I was doing, every aspect
of my life was super high stakes, I had to take the right classes, I had to get the right
grades, I had to make the right friends, get the right job, ID, you know, marry my high
school, girlfriend, all of this.
And if any one of those things failed, everything would fall apart.
And it's just not true.
And I think the nicest thing about lowering the stakes like that is that it allows you
to really appreciate where you are, you know, rather than being so focused on how do I get
the A plus how to get the internship and so on.
If you're like, Hey, I have some amazing friends, I have some amazing opportunities here.
And let me cherish those things not to neglect everything else.
But to put into context that hey, life is about a lot more than just making the exact
perfect decisions.
And following the optimal trajectory.
One of the things I've learned over the last four years is that life is just messy.
And it always will be there will always be problems, no matter how well you set yourself
up how perfect things look on paper.
Life happens, and you'll never attain that perfection.
But that doesn't mean you can't have a great life.
So from a logistical standpoint, because some of you might be curious about this.
What's happening this year is pretty straightforward.
Actually, it's pretty much a normal year of college with a few restrictions.
So I head down in I think 25 days, every student at the college is required to be vaccinated
unless they have some exemption, of course, and there also be mandatory on campus testing
and mask policies, just to keep the campus safe.
But we're going to be moving back into dorms, it looks like classes are going to be primarily
in person.
And I'm super hyped for it.
So if you're interested in following along on this journey, feel free to subscribe, there's
definitely going to be a bunch of college related content, I can't promise anything
about the consistency of that, as I adjust to life back on campus, I priorities definitely
going to be living life first, men making content.
But this is a passion of mine.
I love making videos, and I want to get more creative with it again, because I feel like
for a while it's just been me talking to a camera, I've been able to go anywhere do anything.
And that's hopefully gonna change.
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So with that, thanks so much for watching.
I hope you enjoyed this video.
Hopefully you got something out of it.
Feel free to subscribe if you'd like me to comment on John Fish.
We'll see again soon.