All right.
Now I have to talk about something.
Anybody who saw our program last night
is gonna demand that I discuss this,
because something happened
in the middle of our show last night,
just after we came back from commercial.
And I've been doing this show a long time,
and in all the many years I've been doing Late Night
something like this has never happened before.
It was real. We didn't think of this or contrive it.
This just happened.
I think you can tell when you see the look on my face
that something real and strange is unfolding.
Check out this clip from our show last night.
I wanna mention something, fall TV shows are back
on the air now... (siren wailing)
Swear to god. We've been doing this show for...
14 years. Over 14 years.
I have never heard this sound before.
But everyone stay calm. What is that all about, Jeff?
I think it's probably a test.
We'll just double-check and make sure.
Do they know we're taping a (beep) show?
(audience laughs) I'm serious!
What the hell's that?
Klingons approaching!
The hell's goin' on?
I'm serious, I've never... (audience applauds)
[Fire Safety Director] May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention?
This is the fire safety director speaking.
Please be advised we have received an alarm condition
on the fifth floor.
Building personnel are conducting an investigation
at this time. Is this a New York subway?
(audience laughs)
We should just air this thing the way it is
and let the people out there know
how crappy this show is run!
This is what you do. (audience cheers)
It's unbelievable to me.
So we just aired the show as it all happened last night
and all of us were stunned.
I was thinking, "How could this happen?"
This is supposed to be a professional broadcast.
But my biggest question is who's that guy
making the announcement?
And he came back later in the next segment
when I was talking to Paget Brewster, the second guest,
he came back and made more announcements.
Well, anyway, it turns out everything was fine.
It was a false alarm.
But this morning I had this burning idea.
I wanted to grab a camera crew and investigate
and meet the guy that made that announcement.
So I went downstairs.
Here's what happened, take a look.
Hi. How are you?
Hello, how are ya? Good to see ya.
You too. How's everything?
Are you Bruce? Yes I am.
Bruce Britt. Yes.
And what is your title? Fire safety director.
You're the fire safety director.
And this is your station right here?
Yes it is.
You made an announcement yesterday around...
I'm gonna say around six o'clock in the evening.
Is that right?
We were taping a show, were you aware of that?
Yes, I was. Yeah.
And your announcement, actually, interrupted our show
and was heard by probably three million viewers.
Can we recreate that announcement right now?
Can we hear it just as you said it?
Okay.
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention?
This is your fire safety director speaking.
We have received an alarm condition on the fifth floor.
Building personnel are conducting
an investigation at this time.
Please stand by for further instructions.
It went out to three million, let's bump that up.
It went out to 15 million viewers last night.
I'm including Telemundo, where it was heard differently.
Silencio, silencio, una dangerouso predicamento,
I think is how it was on Telemundo.
Your voice is very good, did you ever...
If I just came up with some announcements
would you do those? Sure.
Okay. I repeat, I repeat, there are onions on the griddle.
Onions on the griddle. Put on your admiral's hat.
There are onions on the griddle.
There are onions on the griddle, I repeat,
there are onions on the griddle.
Put on your admiral's hat.
There are onions on the griddle.
That sounds pretty good. Now try this one.
Talent alert, talent alert. There's a talent overload.
Conan O'Brien is in the building. Talent overload.
Try that.
Talent alert, talent alert.
There's a talent overload in the building.
Conan O'Brien is in the building.
Yes! I love that.
Let's take a look at this console over here.
Where are the scripted announcements?
Right to the right of us.
Can you tell me what you think of my voice?
If you think I'd be any good at this?
All right, go ahead. Lemme try it in my voice.
Which one should I use?
Do the alarm condition. Right here.
Right here? Yeah.
Okay, check this out.
Hey there, may I have your attention please.
This is your fire safety director.
We have an alarm condition on the fifth floor.
The building personnel are conducting an investigation.
Will the fire warden on the fifth floor
pick up the warden phone immediately
if you would?
Maybe a little bit lower.
Little bit lower? Just a little bit lower.
Yeah, that's not gonna work for me.
I might even go higher.
All right, well, try that.
May I have your attention please?
Your fire safety director, we have an alarm condition
on the fifth floor.
Building personnel are conducting an investigation.
Will the fire warden on the fifth floor
pick up the warden phone immediately?
All right, that's all right.
I think we can work with that.
We can work with that. Really?
Yeah, I think we can work with that.
That sounded horrible.
Look at this one right here. (laughing) It's for odors.
"Speak slowly, calmly and clearly."
Can you read that one for us?
Okay. May I have your attention please?
This is your fire safety director speaking.
We are experiencing a smell,
odor or smoke condition from outside of our building.
This is due to construction work, repair work or other.
"Or other!" We are adjusting...
"Or other."
Kinda leaves it out there. Right.
The odor might be...
Could be a lotta things. You know what I'm saying?
True.
(alarm beeping) Uh-oh! What's that?
What happened? What's goin' on?
Uh-oh.
What happened?
Somebody's working upstairs, that's all.
It just lets me know that somebody's
working on one of the devices.
My heart just stopped for a second.
I'm so scared. You're all right, I'm here.
You're all right, you're good.
You're gonna take care of me?
I got you.
Everything's good. I feel safe around you.
Feel safe? Yes.
All right.
Could I have a hug, please? Aw, all right.
You know what?
If it hadn't happened we never woulda met.
That's true.
I think it's nice that we met.
So do I.
(laughing) You didn't seem too convinced.
No, that wasn't good. That was not good.
Please welcome our building's deputy fire safety director,
Bruce Britt!
(audience cheers)
Good to see you, Bruce. All right, how you doin'?
I'm doin' good now! Ah, Bruce...
Bruce is gonna help take us out to commercial tonight.
Bruce, take it away.
May I have your attention? May I have your attention?
Please, we'll be right back with our first guest,
Jake Gyllenhall.