- (gamer) Is it pronounced "Tih-nookie" or "Tie-nookie"
or "Tah-now-dah-hoo-kah-yah"?
- (Ian) SHUT UP!!!
- (Ian) Sweet! Dude, we're in Super Mario 3!
- Look, Ian, can we just please not kill anyone this time?
Each time we come into one of these games,
we end up destroying their fragile ecosystems
and putting these beautiful, wonderful creatures
on the endangered species list.
- No, we don't.
- Fireball!
(Anthony grunts)
(Anthony screeches)
- Okay, that-that was in self-defense.
(screaming)
Most of the time.
- (Anthony) Right.
(bouncing)
Look, man, we just need to be the bigger people here, okay?
(Anthony sighs)
Yargh! OH MY GOD, IT'S HUGE. RUUUUU--
(game over music)
- (Ian) Uh, you sure you don't want me to kill that thing?
- No! (whimpers)
I am a man of peace.
(boing!)
(Anthony) Oh! Oh god. I am so sorry!
- Good job, man. (chuckles)
- He's not really dead, right? He's just in his shell,
taking a nap, right?
- Nope. He's definitely f*cking dead.
(boing!)
Oh, cool! Dude, it's a leaf.
I bet it gives me some sweet super powers.
(boing!)
What-- What the f-ck is this sh-t?!
Dude, it doesn't throw fireballs or anything.
- What are you doing?
- Just trying to-- try and make it do something,
like shoot knives or-- I don't know.
- Nope. (Ian sighs)
- Dammit, whatever.
(Anthony screeches)
That's awesome. Okay, that's pretty cool.
All right, I can work with that.
(game over music)
If I had known that furries had killing powers,
I would've became a furry a long time ago.
- Whoa, dude! Watch out! Flying turtle.
(Ian whimpers)
(boing!)
- Oh, sweet! I can fly!
- I am so Smuckers right now. - I'm sorry, what?
- You know, jealous, jelly.
Smuckers makes jelly. (chuckles)
Come on, man! It's clever.
- No, it isn't. - It's totally gonna catch on.
- No, it won't. - You're just a hater.
- Dude, get out of there!
- (Anthony) It's okay, dude, we don't have to kill anything, okay?
Watch, we'll just talk it out with him.
Hey there, buddy. My name is Anthony.
I come in peace. We don't wanna kill-- YARGH!
- Oh, I thought you weren't gonna kill anything.
- (whimpering) I couldn't help it.
(sobbing) It was scary.
(game over music)
- (Ian) Dude, can you please just hurry up?
I'm pretty sure I left my Pop Tart in the toaster oven.
- (Anthony) Sh-Shut up!
Hey, Mr. Turtle, if you could just let me pass,
that would be so-- AAARGGGH!
AAAH!
Just get outta my f*cking way!
Aah! Aah! DAAAH!
(Anthony screeches)
Okay, so how about this?
So I stand right here, okay?
And you-- - You know what? F*ck this.
(boom!) - Ooh.
- Good job, I guess?
- Well, I mean, I didn't technically kill him, so...
- Yeah, but you also just drove him to kill himself,
which I think is a little more f*cked up than just killing him.
- Can we just finish this level already?
- Okay, good job, man.
(triumphant music)
- (Ian) Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
- (Anthony) Oh, yeah, not traumatizing at all.
- (Ian) Yeah, I know, right? Let's go to the next level.
(chiming)
- Dude, look, water. Let's-a go!
(chuckles) Oh, sh*t!
(gurgling)
- Yep, definitely not Smuckers now.
- Dude, that is NOT gonna catch on.
(gurgling)
(game over music)
- (Ian) Hey, guys, thank you so much for subscribing.
Click the video on the left to check out bloopers from this video
and watch the deleted scene.
(boing!)
- Oh, goddamn it! You can walk on clouds in this game?
- (Anthony) And click the video on the right to watch
our newest Ever [Blank] Ever: Every Teacher Ever.
- O Captain! My Captain!
(clatter)
(student shrieks)
- (Anthony) And if you're on a touchscreen device,
you can go ahead and click all the links
for all that stuff down in the description below.
[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]