>> OH, BURP CLOTHS WITH LITTLE DUCKIES ON THEM.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THROWING ME THE BABY SHOWER.
I FEEL SO WELCOMED TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
>> OF COURSE. SO WHEN ARE YOU BECOMING A MOM.
>> MY DUE DATE IS JULY 14. >> NO, THAT'S WHEN YOU ARE
HAVING A CHILD. WHEN YOU ARE BECOMING A TRUE
MOTHER. YOU KNOW WHEN ARE YOU?
>> WHEN AM I WHAT? >> SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHEN YOU
ARE GETTING THE CUT? >> THE CUT?
>> YES. >> THE CUT!
>> YOU KNOW, THE HAIRCUT THAT ALL MOMS HAVE.
>> LIKE THE SOFT WATER FALL IN THE FRONT.
BUT KNIVES IN THE BACK. >> THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU
ARE GOING TO A FORMAL EVENT BUT ON THE WAY YOU ARE STRUCK BY
LIGHTNING. >> THE SCARED DINOSAUR FROM
JURASIC PARK. >> DON'T THINK THAT LOOK IS FOR
ME? >> THAT'S WHAT WE ALL THOUGHT.
ONE DAY, SOMETHING WILL BREAK INSIDE YOU AND YOU KNOW THE TIME
HAS COME TO GET CUT. >> WHAT WAS IT FOR YOU?
>> WELL, I WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE A WEDDING.
ALL OF A SUDDEN I THOUGHT I NEED TO TAKE THE CENTERPIECE.
I CANNOT LEAVE A WEDDING WITHOUT THE CENTERPIECE.
>> WAS IT AT THE END OF THE RECEPTION?
>> NO, I LEFT EARLY BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE MUSIC.
I TOOK THE CENTERPIECE AND I KNEW IT WAS TIME FOR THE CUT.
BUT THE CUT FIND YOU IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
NOW FOR ME, IT WAS MUCH MORE ABRUPT.
I COMPLETELY BLACKED OUT. CAME TO IN THE PARKING LOT OF
A MARSHALL'S/HOME GOODS. NOW IN MY HANDS WAS A RUSTIC
SIGN THAT JUST SAID THE WORD "HOME."
THE NEXT DAY I GOT THE CUT. >> FOR ME IT WAS WHEN I BOUGHT A
BIG GLASS URN, HUGE, TAKES UP MY KITCHEN ISLAND.
WHAT DID I PUT IN IT? ONE CANDLE.
>> WHEN DO YOU LIGHT IT? >> NEVER!
>> SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THERE IS GOING TO BE SOME SORT OF
MAGICAL MOMENT. SUDDENLY I AM GOING TO WANT A
HAIRCUT THAT IS CURTAINS IN THE FRONT, IRON THRONE IN THE BACK?
>> NO ONE WANTS THE CUT. THE CUT CHOOSES YOU.
FOR ME IT HAPPENED WHEN I STEPPED INTO MY BATHROOM I
CLOSED MY EYES AND HEARD THE OCEAN.
AND IN THAT MOMENT I KNEW MY BATHROOM MUST BE AN OCEAN.
I NEED LIGHTHOUSES. I NEED SEASHELLS.
I NEED SOAP IN THE SHAPE OF A FLIP-FLOP.
>> WHY DO YOU NEED SOAP IN THE SHAPE OF A FLIP-FLOP?
>> HA-HA-HA. SILLY GIRL, SHE SEEKS CLARITY
ONLY THE CUT CAN PROVIDE. BUT, SOON YOU WILL KNOW MANY
THINGS. LIKE BATHROOMS ARE OCEANS, BUT
THE KITCHEN IS A FARM. >> UH-HUH.
>> YES, A KITCHEN ITS WATERING CANS, PICKET FENCES, PIG IN A
CHEF'S HAT. >> THE CUT IS MORE POWERFUL THAN
YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I COULDN'T GET
PREGNANT UNLESS I HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND.
WHICH I WOULD NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL.
AND INSTEAD I JUST GOT THE CUT. AND THEN I LOOKED DOWN AND BOOM.
I'M 7 MONTHS PREGNANT. >> THERE IS NO WAY THAT THAT
COULD HAVE HAPPENED. >> REALLY?
THEN ASK YOURSELF A QUESTION. WHY ARE YOU FOLDING THAT BAG SO
CAREFULLY. >> SO I CAN SAVE IT FOR LATER.
IT IS JUST SUCH A NICE BAG. >> WE KNOW.
WE GIVE THEM TO EACH OTHER. I GOT THAT BAG FROM CLAIRE.
>> I GOT THAT BAG FROM HEATHER. >> I GOT IT FROM BARBARA.
>> THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN BAGS IN THIS ENTIRE COUNTY.
KIND OF LIKE US, WOMEN WITH GOOD TASTE HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO
SAVE. >> HI, MOM.
>> HI, SWEETIE. >> SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
I'M GOING TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
>> I'LL FIX YOU A PLATE. >> IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I WILL GET IT MYSELF. >> "FIX YOU A PLATE?"
HE'S NOT EVEN MY SON. I DIDN'T TRUST HIM TO PUT THINGS
ON A PLATE AND MICROWAVE IT. I HAD TO DO IT FOR HIM.
>> A CUT IS UPON US. >> NO!
NO. I WILL NEVER BE LOOK YOU.
I WILL NEVER HAVE A CHUNKY HIGHLIGHT.
>> WHAT IS IN MOTION, CANNOT BE UNDONE.
SOON YOU WILL HAVE THE CUT. AND ALL OF YOUR TANK TOPS WILL
SPROUT CAP SLEEVES, QUOTES WILL BE INSPIRATIONAL AND MAGNETS
HILARIOUS. YOU WILL GO TO THE BEACH BUT
ONLY SHOP. THE CUT.
THE CUT. THE CUT.
>> WELCOME, SISTER! >> AHHHH!
OH, MY GOD. I LOVE THIS.
I LOVE IT! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS ROOM
NEEDS -- A BIG BOWL OF FAKE FRUIT.
>> OOH, YES. >> YEAH.
OOH. >> HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY FROM
"SNL."