WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY NEXT IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN WHO ALSO STARS IN COMEDY
CENTRAL'S "CORPORATE." PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY APARNA
NANCHERLA!
( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
IT'S SO NICE TO BE HERE.
SO, I AM ON MY PHONE TOO MUCH.
I DON'T THINK I AM THE ONLY ONE, BUT I HAD A ROCK-BOTTOM MOMENT
WITH IT THE OTHER DAY.
I WAS WALKING ON THE STREET.
I WAS DEEP INTO MY PHONE.
I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO TALK A SIP OF COFFEE WITH MY OTHER
HAND, BUT INSTEAD I JUST PUT ONE OF MY EARBUDS IN MY MOUTH.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT.
I'VE MERELY BEEN SHARING IT WITH PEOPLE AS A WAY TO REMAIN
ACCOUNTABLE.
( LAUGHTER )
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT SPIRITUALLY AS WELL.
( LAUGHTER )
SCREEN TIME FEATURE.
IT TELLS YOU HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN ON YOUR PHONE THAT DAY, HOW
LITTLE YOU'VE LIVED.
( LAUGHTER )
MY MAIN VICE.
THOUGH I DID HAVE A GREAT DEVELOPMENT WITH INSTAGRAM.
I DISCOVERED THE MUTE BUTTON AND WENT WILD WITH POWER.
I TURNED INTO SOMEONE I DIDN'T KNOW, BUT I'M GLADE MET HER.
I TRIED TO START OUT CONSERVATIVE.
I PICKED OUT A FEW PEOPLE AND I THOUGHT I'LL WORK BACK UP TO NOT
BEING THRENTED BY HER LEVEL OF SUCCESS, YOU KNOW.
BUT THEN BEFORE I KNEW IT, EVEN PUPPIES WERE BEING SILENCED.
I WAS JUST LIKE, "OH, THEY'RE JUST GETTING YOUNGER AND
YOUNGER."
YOU KNOW IT DIDN'T-- IT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE WHY ACCOUNTS
WERE GETTING CUT.
AND THEN BEFORE I KNEW IT, I HAD JUST MUTED EVERYONE.
AND NOW I JUST OPEN UP THE APP TO SEE THE "NO NEW POSTS" SIGN
AND I THOUGHT I CAN FINALLY BEGIN TO HEAL, YOU KNOW.
IT'S JUST BECOME A NATIONAL MONUMENT FOR MOO.
MAIM GO THERE TO REFLECT.
( LAUGHTER )
TRYING MEDITATE USING AN APP OFF MY PHONE, WHICH FEELS LIKE THE
WRONG SOURCE TO GO TO FOR ENLIGHTENMENT.
IT FEELS LIKE ASKING YOUR DRUG DEALER, "HEY, YOU GOT ANY TIPS
ON GETTING CLEAN?
IT'S NOT--
IT'S NOT WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO USE THIS MEENDFULNESS APP, LIKE THE IDEA
IS TO BE IN THE PRESENT, LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
LIVING IN THE MOMENT SAY LITTLE ADVANCED FOR ME, SO I'VE BEEN
LIVING IN THE VERY RECENT PAST.
TWO TO THREE SECONDS AGO IS WHERE I CAN THRIVE WHERE I CAN
JUST THINK ABOUT MY LAST BREATH AND BE LIKE, "OH, YOU REALLY
KILLED IT.
IT WAS ONE OF YOUR BESTS.
LIKE, YOU WENT IN.
YOU WENT OUT.
NO ONE CAN DENY IT."
YEAH, I THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK ON MY BRAIN ON MY OWN.
I FOUND OUT MY THERAPIST IS RAISING HER RATES.
YES.
SO I GUESS I'M CURED.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW CLOSE ARE YOU TO A BREAKTHROUGH,
AND THEN THERE IT IS.
( LAUGHTER )
I GO TO THERAPY FOR, AMONG OTHER THINGS, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION.
OR IN MILLENNIAL TERMS IT'S SOMETIMES MY BRAIN IS EXTRA
A.F., AND THEN OTHER TIMES IT CAN'T EVEN.
SO THE RANGE EMOTIONALLY FOR ME.
( APPLAUSE )
NEW MEDICATION.
MY OLD ONE STOPPED WORKING.
THEY UNIONIZED SO I'M HAPPY FOR THEM BUT... LAW LA
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE I WAS TURNING INTO SOMEONE WHO IS A BIT MUCH.
LIKE, I WAS SIEG A LOT IN PUBLIC.
I REALIZE SIEG IS SORT OF THE EMOTIONAL EQUIVALENT OF A
SNEELZ.
IT CHANGES THE TONE OF THE ENVIRONMENT YOU'RE IN.
IT FEELS LIKE IT SHOULD BE ADDRESSED IN SOME WAY
AFTERWARDS.
LIKE, I SIGHED HEAVILY RECENTLY IN A CROWDED WAITING ROOM AND
EVERYONE JUST LOOKED AT ME LIKE, "GREAT.
I REMEMBER DEATH, TOO."
IT JUST FELT-- IT FELT VERY RUDE.
YEAH, I LIVE HERE IN NEW YORK MOST OF THE TIME, AND I DO THINK
MY THERAPIST HAS BEEN TRYING DUMP ME FOR MONTHS.
I JUST HAVEN'T BEEN READING THE ROOM WELL.
ONE OF OUR LAST APPOINTMENTS, SHE ASKED IF WE COULD MEET AT
7:00 A.M.
I WAS LIKE, "7:00 A.M.?
THAT'S NOT A THERAPY APPOINTMENT.
THAT'S A DARE."
"I FEEL FLIEK YOU SHOW UP, THAT'S ON YOU."
SHE'S LIKE, "LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY YOU'RE HERE."
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
THE BUILDING IS LOCKED
AND THE MAIN THING YOU HIT ON AT 7:00 A.M., IS EVERYONE IS BROKEN
AT 7:00 A.M.
SHE HAD AS MUCH TO UNPACK AS I DID.
WE KEPT TALKING OVER EACH OTHER.
IT WASN'T PRODUCTIVE.
I WAS IN L.A. FOR WORK MOST OF LAST YEAR AND I TRIED TO FIND A
THERAPIST SHORT TERM OUT THERE.
MENTAL HEALTH TIP, IF YOU NEED ONE, "PSYCHOLOGY TODAY" THE
MAGAZINE HAS A DIRECTOR, YOU PUT IN YOUR ZIP CODE AND IT PULLS UP
WILLING AND HORNY THERAPISTS IN YOUR AREA.
WHOEVER IS CLOSEST.
I NARROWED IT DOWN TO A FEW THAT APPEALED TO ME.
ONE OF THEM WAS THIS HIP NOE NOTHERAPIST, AND HE HAD A
GOATEE, AND I REALIZED THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT FACIAL HAIR TO
WAKE UP TO FROM A TRANCE YOU KNOW.
THAT'S NOT THE KIND WHERE YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, I'M SAFE."
AND THEN I FOUND THIS OTHER THERAPIST WHO SPECIALIZED IN
ADULTS AND BABIES.
I WAS LIKE, "BABIES?
I WOULD PAY JUST TO SIT IN ON HER AND A SWEGZ A BABY BECAUSE
HOW WOULD THIS EVEN GO YOU KNOW?
WOULD THE BABY BE LIKE, WAAH."
AND THE THERAPIST WOULD GO, "YEAH, OBJECT PERMANENCE.
THAT'S HARD."
BUT...
( APPLAUSE )
AND THEN SHE'S LIKE, "OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE OUT OF TIME."
AND SHE JUST COVERS HER FACE.
LAUGH AND SPEAKING OF WHICH, THAT IS MY TIME.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HER AT
THE AMPHIBIAN THEATRE IN FORT WORTH, TEXAS, ON
APRIL 2 THROUGH 6.
APARNA NANCHERLA, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.