- Look, Walter.
Last night the board had a meeting and
we're gonna have to let you go.
- We need someone younger to lead the team.
No hard feelings, it's just business.
- No, no, no, no.
It's not fair!
Guys,
I completely agree. - You do?
Yes, in fact,
I have identified
a young, hip, new CEO to replace me.
I'm gonna get him.
(razor buzzing)
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
I'm the new hip, young CEO, Tevin.
I know all about the young stuff.
Memes!
- Well, it's very nice to meet you, Tevin.
- Tom, sit down.
Walter, what are you doing?
- What do you mean, I don't even know who Walter is.
I'm Tevin.
- Look, Walter, I know change is hard,
but you don't need to do whatever this is.
- Oh, you mean that really handsome old dude
that I passed in the hallway with a massive dong?
No cat.
- The saying is "no cap".
- What? No, it's "no cat", all right.
It means don't be a (bleep).
- Okay, whatever, if you're a teenager, what's Tik Tok?
- It's a small breath mint.
- Not even close.
Do you even know what "Fortnite" is?
- A confusing measurement of time.
- Also wrong. - What's Supreme?
- The best taco at Taco Bell. - Bingo.
- Walter, this is embarrassing.
- Oh my god, will you just shut up, Linda?
- Okay, is you're really Tevin,
how do you know my name is Linda?
- No, no, it was,
Linda is just slang, it's like a Karen.
- Oh yeah, okay, then what does it mean?
- It means that you're pretty, but office pretty,
not real life pretty. - Ew.
Don't blame me.
Your stupid freaking mom named you that name.
- Okay, stop.
You're not a teen, you're Walter,
a very old and sad man.
- Oh, look what time it is.
It's 4:20.
Time to get litty at 4:20.
Who's ready to do some drugs?
Yeah. (guitar riff screeches)
- That's an energy drink.
- Not if you inject it. (guitar riff plays)
- Don't do that.
- You're gonna give your self another heart attack!
- Yeah, what, oh (bleep).
Whoa, okay, sorry about that.
I get a little nervous around needles.
- Hah, Walter gets nervous around needles,
so you are Walter.
- No, just 'cause I got one thing in common
with the big old pee pee guy Walter
doesn't mean that I'm Walter.
Look, I'll show you.
So, as you can see here, I've drawn a graph.
This is Walter, this is Tevin, me.
And in the middle are the things that we have in common
'cause we're not the same guy!
Let's start off with the things we have in common.
I'll start first.
Handsome.
Uh, let's see, let's see, some other ones.
- Same height. - Don't help him.
- Same height, very good, very good.
Keep it up, we're on a roll.
- Enough!
If you're really not Walter,
then it's not gonna bother you
that I'm having an affair with Walter's wife.
- (bleep) Gina?
That is so awesome.
You're the woman that she's (bleep)?
Good for you.
I bet the sex is bad though, right?
- Actually, she said it's the best sex she's ever had.
- Oh, that's awesome!
(laughing) I'm so happy for you guys.
I'm so happy (wheezing).
- Is he crying?
- Oh, Walter,
I'm really sorry, I really am.
Guys, we should just give him a minute.
- Wait.
There's something I need to tell you guys.
I'm Walter.
Tevin isn't real.
Sorry I tricked you guys so good.
- What? - See Walter?
- Stupid (bleep) like this is why we fired you.
- Oh.
It's not 'cause of the millions that I embezzled?
- Wait, what? - Wait, what?
- Nobody move!
- Walter Harrison, you're under arrest for embezzling funds!
- I'm not Walter, I'm Tevin.
- No, he's Walter, please arrest him.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
We have a warrant to arrest an old and out of touch CEO.
- Yeah, not this young, hip looking kid, civilian.
- Seriously?
- Yeah, and look,
while I do believe that Walter should pay for his crimes,
I mean, we got to admit that guy is pretty freaking handsome
with a big old swinging, massive dong.
I think that breaking the law is still bad.
Yo, feds, do you mind if I go talk to Walter
and just break the bad news to him?
- That'd be fantastic, do that right now, thank you.
- Hey, Walter, the feds are here.
Oh, no, Walter, what are you doing on that window ledge?
I'm gonna jump, Tevin.
No, don't do it.
You may only be three floors up,
but the impact will kill you
and it will also smash you into tiny little pieces
that will disappear on impact.
So there will be no trace of you at the bottom
but you will definitely be dead.
- I know, Tevin, that's really good science.
But I do have to do this.
Tell my wife that I hate her guts.
Okay, I'm jumping now.
Goodbye.
Blegh. (guitar riffs plays)
(Tom screams)
Oh, boo hoo.
Guys, you won't believe what just happened.
Walter just jumped out a window
and he just landed on a (bleep) Jeep Grand Cherokee
and he (bleep) exploded.
There's no more trace of him.
Walter's (bleep) dead!
- All right, guess it's an open and shut case.
- You hate to see it end this way.
Even for an extremely old,
out of touch criminal like Walter.
- Are you serious?
- I'm going to miss my friend.
- This is why everyone hates you, Tom.
- Stop being a (bleep) Linda.
Linda. - Oh my god.
Yes, but you sound like --.
- Time to do drugs!
- Oh my god. - I don't know what that was.
- Or what that is.
- That's "Fortnite".
- (laughing) No. - Cut.
- If there's anything you need from witnessing that,
'cause I know that must of been
really tough as a civilian to experience-
- [Walter] I need a fat spliff.
- The US Government got you. - US Government got you.
- [Director] Cut. (laughing)
- I'm not Walter, I'm Tevin.
(director giggling)
- It's like a Scooby Doo moment.
- Walter just fell onto a (bleep) Nissan Sentra
and exploded into a million pieces
and he's (bleep) dead!
- I'm so sorry. (everyone laughing)