You guys are way too sweet, man, you guys are way too sweet.
[laughs]
So, tonight I wanna start off talking about something
a little important, right?
Uh, something I think applies to a lot of us.
It's a...popular topic today: Feminism. [chuckles]
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- But with a little bit of a twist tonight. Feminism...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- For men! Yeah, sorry, ladies! You know?
[chuckles]
But like, for real, sorry.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Okay, so like, yes, you know, like...
men can be feminists, right?
My brother's always like, "Chad, how can you be a feminist
if you're always trying to get girls?"
And I'm like, "Boy, don't mansplain me."
- AUDIENCE: [laughs] - Chill.
If you don't mind, I'd love to share a really quick
anecdo' if that's cool with you.
So I was pledging at ASU-- Go, Devils! And...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- ...I noticed, like, when I was sitting down--
--I was getting drunk and I was sitting down to pee
and noticed, like...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- ...something, like, wrong, you know?
But no, it turns out that's just the beginning stages
of male feminism, everybody!
Happens to everybody, okay, so, what is feminism? Right?
That's a question that's on everybody's mind
and only Lena Dunham really seems to know the answer, so...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] [applause]
- I'd love to like, just--
also, before I start this part of the show,
fam--which is my favorite gender-neutral way
to address a crowd--
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- --If I ask a question, feel free
to answer from your heart, not necessarily your mind.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] - So, if you were going to say,
like, what is feminism, what would you say?
- Equality between the sexes.
- Okay, equality between the sexes, give it up, yeah!
- [cheering and applause] - Alright, alright.
And if you were gonna just like, spitball a year,
spitball a year that feminism started, what would you say?
- Ooh, 1970? - 1970s, okay, give it up.
Close, it was actually, uh...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] [cheering and applause]
- It was actually 2013. [chuckles]
It was started by the musical recording artist Beyoncé, uh...
She has this album that, like, really breaks everything down,
I couldn't get the rights to play it,
even though my dad is a fucking lawyer, so...
I just got this quote that sort of, like,
breaks everything down...
Who do you think said that? - WOMEN: Beyoncé.
- Okay, close, it was actually...
- [cheering and applause] - Solange.
- [cheering continues]
- The creator of black feminism.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- That's just a feminist enjoying nature.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Alright, you guys are probably like,
"Okay, Chad, like, how can you just
drag us like this and not give us anything to do?"
And like, whoa, I'll give you guys something
very actionable that we can all start doing right now,
we gotta stop cat-calling, you guys.
We gotta stop it.
I personally--I never really like, cat-called in real life,
I was more like a digital cat-caller, I just, like,
open Tinder messages and be like,
"What's up, queen? My face is a throne," you know?
Like...just sort of...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Stuff like that, but I don't do that anymore,
'cause I'm wiser.
Now I just drop facts about female scientists.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing, cheering]
- "Rosalind Franklin is remembered
"for her breakthrough discoveries in structured DNA
"that she never celebrated
due to an untimely death, baby girl."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] - Works every time.
Put your own spin on it, you know?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Follow me on Twitter @wokeboy94, everybody!
- [cheering and applause]
- Okay, what's up, you guys?! What's up, New Orleans?!
- [cheering and applause]
- Yeah! Oh, my God.
- [cheering and applause]
- What's up?
- [cheering and applause]
- I am...I'm so happy to be in New Orleans,
it's way colder than I was expecting it to be here.
It's like a dangerous level of cold outside right now,
where a cold wind blows, you just, like,
wake up in an IKEA, like, three years deep
into a monogamous relationship, you know?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] - [laughs]
You drink a latte too fast, you're just, like,
at your own flash mob proposal, just like...
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] - What happened? [chuckles]
I was living in LA for a year,
um, that shit was wack, honestly.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing] - It was wack.
I, like, tried doing all the California stuff, too,
like, when I was out there I tried going vegan
for a while, um, very up and down process,
mostly just 'cause whenever I would stand up,
I would just, like... [coughs] - AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- ...pass out. [laughs]
Wake up to someone doing my birth chart for me.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- I also--I also tried yoga while I was in LA,
'cause I was like, "Yoga's easy, right? That's just, like,
laying on the ground for 45 minutes, I could do that,"
and then halfway through the first class
I was just like... [shudders] Shaking.
The instructor came to me,
"You can give up or you can try!"
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- I was like, "Oh, my God.
"I feel so attacked
by this dude in a Spiritual Gangster crop top."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Trying to gentrify my muscles right now.
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- I also love how yoga has basically just become, like,
a slow electric slide for white people at this point?
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Like, "To the left..." - AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- "Take it back now, yeah." - AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- "Now, maintaining that breath, one-hop this side..."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- Also, white people, y'all went the fuck off
when you made buffalo cauliflower, like, oh, mwah!
It's so good! Keep that energy up!
You know, like, stop calling the cops,
get in the kitchen, like... honestly.
- AUDIENCE: [cheering and applause]
- But I was like, "You know,
"any exercise I do is gonna be difficult,
"that's kinda the point of exercise.
"I might as well go all the way,
"I'm gonna take an MMA class, I'm gonna learn how to fight."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- I learned one cool thing from this class,
I learned that if someone is attacking you
and standing up like this, right?
What you gotta do is take your arm up, twist your body,
drop your elbow, you can get out of the hold safe, right?
But the instructor prefaced, saying like,
"Sometimes you're in the middle of a fight, you don't have time
to do all that choreo or whatever,
you gotta do whatever it takes to get out of that hold,"
and I was like, "Okay, got you."
My sparring partner put his hand around my throat and I went,
"Ugh, Daddy."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- And he let go, you know?!
Sometimes love wins! That's all it takes.
- AUDIENCE: [cheering and applause]