hey guys I just wanted to make this video real quick because I had a client
today who is newly single and she is coming out of just a bad and toxic
relationship and she really takes responsibility she takes responsibility
for her part in the relationship and that she definitely saw red flags early
on that she knows she overlooked and she is in a good spot now and she's ready to
start dating and so the question that she had asked me was you know how do I
know when I'm dating a toxic person or how do I know when I'm with someone that
you know isn't right for me well I know right away and I said well you know the
thing is I can give you a list of okay these are all the things of a toxic
person that you should look out for you know someone that's narcissistic and
someone that lacks empathy and verbally abusive physically abusive all of those
things but I said instead of me giving you that list and you focusing on all
the things that you want to avoid when you're out there dating I want you to
think about all the things that you want to feel when you know you're with the
right person and start focusing really on that and so what I said to her was of
course make a list of the things that you would like in a partner you know so
you know she's heterosexual so she is making a list of the qualities that
would equal her perfect man right so someone that's honest and trustworthy
and loyal and blah blah blah blah right so she has her list and I said and while
that list is great because it kind of focuses your mind on who you want to
attract you need to really focus on how do you want to feel so if you want to
feel respected what does feeling respected feel like to
you if you want to be loved what does love feel like to you so you
know is someone that holds you in public or holds your hand in public or opens
doors for you or you know all of those types of things is that what makes you
feel loved by someone someone that you know if you're making dinner for them
and they say thank you like this is great you know is that does that mean
that you feel loved by those things so how do you want to feel when you're in
the relationship and I think that's something that most people overlook they
don't really think about how they want to feel they think about well I want him
to be this and I want her to be this and they just kind of focus on that or they
focus on the things that they want to avoid you know I don't want someone
that's this and I don't want someone that's that instead of focusing on how
do you want to feel so every day when you wake up next to this person how do
you want to feel when you're with them you know and so what I told her is I
said the more you start thinking about how do you want to feel when you are
dating and you're getting to know people if you don't feel that way would this
person they're probably not right for you so if you you don't want to feel
respected and you don't feel respected when you're with this guy that you've
been dating for a few months then he's probably not the guy for you or when
you're you know being vulnerable with someone and you're going through
something really hard in your own life and you kind of share that with excuse
me the person that you're dating and you don't get any empathy coming back from
that person or sympathy for what you're going through that person is probably
not right for you you know if you are dating someone and all they do is text
you and you want more you want to start talking on the phone you obviously want
to start getting to know this person and they're not doing it that person's
probably not that are not that they're not right for you they're probably not
at the level that you're at in terms of a serious relationship so I hope that
kind of helps everyone that's out there and they're newly single or they're just
dating in general to kind of focus on when you are dating is how do you want
to feel when you're with when you think of your ideal partner and when you're
out there dating and you're you know giving yourself time to get to know
someone make sure that that's how you feel when you're with that person and if
you've done that person is probably not right for you