It's good to be here.
Good to be here?
It is good to be here.
(audience cheering)
(Conan chuckling)
Awww.
It's good, I hear the people!
We stock it with humans, yeah.
Yes we do.
And it's good to be here.
I didn't realize, you know, I didn't realize that,
'cause it's the first time.
First of all, I should say congratulations.
Oh, well thank you.
Nice to have a show, yeah.
Well, just for having me here,
but anyway -
(Conan chuckling)
no, because that's a real coup if you think about it.
(Conan chuckling)
Anyway.
Isn't it?
[Conan] You bet it is, yeah.
I know.
Well, anyway, I just, I didn't know.
I had never been here before.
What's so funny? That's great.
No, no, I just -
Just the fact that you booked me.
Yeah, no, the fact that you're here -
The fan's broken, but anyway,
I just noticed the fan is not working now.
No it just broke tonight,
every other night it's whirling away the whole show.
And then, well, anyway, I just wanna say,
I had no idea that you would be sitting on this side.
I hadn't done the show, so I didn't know which side.
Sometimes you go on a show and they're talking.
I have a bad ear.
I'm not good at, I can't hear out of this side.
(audience giggling)
Really?
Why are they giggling at that?
That's a problem, that's not a joke.
(Conan chuckling)
People shouldn't be laughing at your infirmity.
Yeah, I had a, what happened is, I actually,
my eardrum is ruptured from my Flowbee.
It just, my Flowbee.
Your Flowbee?
Elaborate on this, please.
What happened?
You don't know what a Flowbee is?
[Andy] I know what a Flowbee is, sure.
A Flowbee is my haircut.
I get haircuts, you just hook it into the vacuum.
[Conan] Right, right.
You just hook the thing into the vacuum.
I've seen this, it's on infomercials.
Yeah and you just suck your own hair into beauty.
Yeah.
And what happened was
I was just trying to get my sideburns just right,
and I sucked, that's not a joke, I actually -
(Conan chuckling)
I did.
I sucked the -
This is true, you really,
a piece of your ear went through the machine?
Pardon me?
(audience laughing)
I did.
I actually -
(Howie chuckling)
I did.
And what we did, I spent, it's such a waste,
'cause we got central vac system in my house,
so I can give myself a haircut in every room.
And now that I've, now I've screwed up my ear.
Oh, that's too bad.
But you know what?
Doesn't matter what you can hear as long as you look good.
Well, you look fantastic.
Thank you.
You really do, you look incredible.
You know what?
And I feel incredible.
I look good and I feel good.
Feel me.
(audience cheering)
[Conan] That's okay, that's all right.
Not this time.
I want you to feel me.
No, no, maybe another time.
No, 'cause I feel great. Yeah.
Feel me.
No, that's okay.
Another time, Howie.
You don't wanna feel me?
Not really no.
And you call yourself a host.
(Conan chuckling)
I'm sorry.
Now, most hosts would feel me.
Mmmmm,
it's just something I can't do, I'm sorry.
Alright, then don't.
There are certain, alright, a little bit, how's that?
Aww, that's good.
Oh, thank you, just rubbing it in.
You know what, I just -
I was a little disappointed
when you came out here, actually, 'cause, you know,
all through the eighties you were doing the thing
where you had the plastic glove
and you would put it over your head
and you would inflate it.
And I was, you know,
what happened to the plastic glove thing?
Do you do the plastic -
I'm not allowed to do it anymore.
That's not a joke.
I'm not allowed to do it anymore.
I was pulling -
Everything you've said so far is absolutely true.
I am.
That's the beauty of me.
[Conan] Yeah.
But the thing is -
(audience laughing)
when you put -
[Conan] That is the beauty of you, yeah.
That is.
People say, Howie, what is the beauty of you?
And I tell them.
But the thing is, that when I used to pull a glove,
I used to pull a rubber glove on my head
and inflate it with my nose.
That's right,
and it would form a inflated glove over your head.
Exactly.
Yes.
People actually paid to see that.
I know.
(Howie laughing)
Like it's a real talent.
We're talking like 80 bucks a ticket.
Yes.
So, anyway, I was doing that every night
and I was in some Midwestern town,
I can't remember what town it was.
But, while I was doing it,
I got the worst pain I got, like, it felt like
somebody jammed a knife in my eye and twisted it.
Maybe someone did, it's possible.
They didn't like the act.
I never thought of that.
Yeah, go ahead.
But you think somebody would do that?
It's possible, some people,
an inflated glove enrages them, you never know.
That's worse than being heckled.
Yeah.
You know, go ahead and heckle me,
just don't put a knife in my eye.
(Conan chuckling)
There you go, there you go.
I always say to the audience,
usually an announcement before each and every concert.
You know, you can heckle Howie Mandel,
just don't jam a knife in his eye
and twist it. And twist it, yeah.
'Cause, I didn't know what it is,
I don't like that.
You don't like it.
No.
So, anyway, what happened?
You put this thing, you inflate it -
And I felt this pain, and then the pain didn't go away
when the glove went off, and they took me to a hospital.
[Conan] Oh my God.
They did, took me to a hospital,
and I was in the emergency room.
And there was an older doctor attending
at the emergency room.
And he didn't know me, he didn't know that I was a comedian,
and he took x-rays and I had perforated a sinus.
And he said to me, he said,
"young man, you have a perforated sinus."
And I said, "Ohhh."
'Cause that's what you say - [Conan] Right.
When somebody says.
You go, "ohhh," like that. [Conan] Gotcha.
And he said, do you have a cold?
Do you have a cold?
And I went, no.
And he said, well, have you been flying today?
And I said, no.
And he said, well do you have any idea
how this could have happened?
(Conan laughing)
And I said,
yeah.
And he said, well, how?
I said, could it happen
if each and every night you take a rubber, a latex glove
and pull it over your head and inflate it?
And he said, he was real quiet for a little bit,
and he said -
(Conan chuckling)
he said, that could do it.
And I said, then that's what it's from.
He goes, why would you do that?
And I said, it's my job.
(audience laughing)
That's a good a reason as any.
(audience applauding)
It's a good a reason as any, Howie.
Yeah.
And then he, he just instructed me.
He said, Howie, don't do that anymore.
Don't do that again.
So, I'm not allowed to do that anymore,
I actually have a doctor's note.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, don't be sorry, it's not really your fault.
I feel so bad.
I even wanna do a commercial, I feel so bad.
That's how bad you feel?
That's how bad I feel, I wanna make more money for NBC.
Will you stick around?
We're gonna do a commercial, we'll come back.
Do look like I have to run?
You're gonna stay right here.
I'm feeling you now.
Howie Mandel, everybody.