GINGER: YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE FAMILIAR WITH RUTH GRAHAM, BUT I
BET YOU KNOW HER FATHER, EVANGELIST BILLY GRAHAM.
RUTH GREW UP IN AN AMAZING FAMILY, BUT THE EXPECTATIONS
THAT OTHER PEOPLE PUT ON HER, PEOPLE OUTSIDE THAT FAMILY, GAVE
HER SOME VERY DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES IN HER LIFE.
AND SITTING DOWN AND TALKING WITH HER ABOUT IT WAS
A PLEASURE.
I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY HER.
[MUSIC]
GINGER: IT'S SO VALUABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT EXPECTATIONS DO
NOT ALWAYS COME FROM WHERE WE EXPECT.
IT WASN'T NECESSARILY YOUR PARENTS WHO PUT THOSE REALLY
DIFFICULT EXPECTATIONS ON YOU.
FOR YOU IT WAS OTHER PEOPLE, IS THAT RIGHT?
RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT.
MOTHER AND DADDY WERE VERY CAREFUL NOT TO PUT EXPECTATIONS
ON US BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT THE WORLD WOULD, BUT THEY PUT
EXPECTATIONS THAT WE WERE GOD'S CHILDREN AND WE WERE
REPRESENTING JESUS CHRIST, AND SO--
GINGER: WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT RIGHT THERE, YEAH.
RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THAT'S THE--THOSE ARE THE EXPECTATIONS YOU WANT TO PUT ON
CHILDREN, THAT THEY BELONG TO JESUS AND THEY REPRESENT HIM.
BUT THEY DID NOT SAY, "YOU'RE BILLY GRAHAM'S CHILDREN," OR YOU
KNOW, "YOU GOT BEHAVE A CERTAIN WAY, YOU GOT TO DRESS A CERTAIN
WAY."
THAT WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL.
AND WE LIVED IN A VERY SMALL COMMUNITY THAT WAS POPULATED AT
THAT TIME BY RETIRED MISSIONARIES AND RETIRED
PASTORS.
SO, THEY KNEW THE PRESSURES OF FAMILY, AND THEY ALSO KNEW WHAT
IT WAS LIKE TO TRAVEL AND LEAVE FAMILY.
SO, WE WERE REALLY IN A SPECIAL AREA WHERE PEOPLE KNEW WHAT WE
WERE--WHAT WE WERE BEING RAISED IN, BUT THEY DIDN'T PUT
EXPECTATIONS ON US.
AND THAT WAS WONDERFUL, BUT THEN WHEN I WENT TO BOARDING SCHOOL,
MY MOTHER THOUGHT FOR US--'CAUSE SHE WAS SENT AWAY TO
BOARDING SCHOOL.
SHE WAS A MISSIONARY'S DAUGHTER IN CHINA.
AND SO, SHE THOUGHT THAT THE BEST EDUCATION WOULD BE
AT A BOARDING SCHOOL.
SO, WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE BOARDING SCHOOL, EVERYBODY KNEW
I WAS BILLY GRAHAM'S DAUGHTER, AND THEY ALL THOUGHT I'LL BE
SUPER SPIRITUAL, OR KNOW MORE BIBLE, OR KNOW MORE HYMNS.
AND SO, YOU TRY TO MEET THOSE EXPECTATIONS, AND YOU'RE NEVER
ABLE TO BE YOURSELF.
GINGER: YEAH, THAT'S REALLY THE KEY, ISN'T IT?
BECAUSE WHEN YOU FIND THAT PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING THINGS OF
YOU THAT YOU CAN'T MATCH, OFTEN WE TRY TO MAKE THEM THINK THAT
WE CAN, YOU KNOW?
TRYING TO-- RUTH: TO PRETEND.
GINGER: TO HIDE WHO WE REALLY ARE.
SO, HOW DID THAT IMPACT WHO YOU WERE AND HOW YOU SAW YOURSELF?
RUTH: WELL, I PRETENDED.
I HAD TO PLAY CATCH-UP, YOU KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO BE
WHAT THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE, AND EVEN IN COLLEGE.
AND SO, I GOT THERE AND EVERYBODY ON CAMPUS KNEW I WAS
BILLY GRAHAM'S DAUGHTER, AND I HAD TO--I WAS DOING TWO YEARS
IN ONE.
I HAD TO DO MY SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL AND MY FRESHMAN YEAR
IN COLLEGE AT THE SAME TIME, AND I WAS STUDYING LIKE MAD.
I WAS UP IN MY ROOM JUST REALLY HITTING THE BOOKS.
EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS UPSTAIRS PRAYING AND MEDITATING.
THEY THOUGHT I WAS THE SUPER SPIRITUAL PERSON.
WELL, THE BOYS STAYED AWAY FROM ME IN DROVES, SO IT WAS A REALLY
DOWNSIDE TO THAT.
BUT I, AGAIN, TRIED TO MEET EXPECTATIONS.
AND MY PROFESSORS WOULD CALL ON ME, "MS. GRAHAM,
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT."
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THE ANSWER, AND IT WAS UNFAIR.
IT WAS REALLY HARD TO DO.
AND ALL ALONG, I NEVER WAS ABLE TO OWN UP TO,
"I DON'T KNOW THIS."
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T WANT TO FAIL.
IT WASN'T UNTIL YEARS LATER WHEN I DID FAIL AND I REALIZED I
HAVEN'T MET EXPECTATIONS THAT I THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW, I HAVE
AN AUDIENCE OF ONE, AND THAT'S THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS."
AND SO THAT'S REALLY--AND LATER IN LIFE, THAT'S WHAT I CAME TO.
GINGER: WHAT WAS THAT BREAKING POINT?
BECAUSE THAT WAS MORE AS AN ADULT, CORRECT?
RUTH: YES, I WAS DEFINITELY AN ADULT.
IT WAS AFTER MY FIRST DIVORCE.
AND I WAS--I REALIZED THAT THAT TIME BACK IN THE EARLY '90S,
LATE '80S, EARLY '90S, IN THE CHRISTIAN WORLD,
YOU JUST DIDN'T GET DIVORCED.
AND I WAS, MATTER OF FACT, TOLD TO BUILD AN EXTRA BEDROOM ON MY
HOUSE AND JUST LET HIM LIVE THERE SO IT WOULD LOOK NICE.
AND I SAID, "NO, THAT'S NOT HONEST."
AND I HAD TO BE HONEST, AND I BEGAN TO BECOME HONEST TO SAY,
"NO, I'M NOT THIS WAY.
I'VE GOT TO DO THIS.
I'VE GOT TO DO--I'VE GOT TO DO WHAT GOD'S CALLED ME TO DO."
AND, BUT IT WAS NOT EASY.
AND SO I JUST SAID, "NO, I'M JUST NOT GOING TO DO THAT."
AND I BECAME AWARE IN A NEW WAY OF GOD'S TOTAL LOVE
AND ACCEPTANCE OF ME.
YES, MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN UNFAITHFUL, AND THAT WAS VERY
DIFFICULT ON ITS OWN SELF, BUT--AND WE TRIED TO MAKE IT
WORK, BUT IT DIDN'T.
AND SO, WE DIVORCED AFTER 21 YEARS.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS, OR WHAT I WAS ABOUT, OR ANYTHING.
BUT I MARRIED QUICKLY IN A REBOUND MARRIAGE, AND THAT
LASTED FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS, AND HE DIVORCED ME.
AND I THOUGHT, "I HAVE REALLY BLOWN THIS."
YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS HAD SAID, "DON'T DO THIS.
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT?
SLOW DOWN."
BUT I WAS BOUND AND DETERMINED THAT I NEEDED TO BE, YOU KNOW,
TAKEN CARE OF, AND THAT I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
BECAUSE I'D ALWAYS HAD SOMEBODY TAKING CARE OF ME.
AND FINALLY I REALIZED REALLY WITHIN 24 HOURS THAT I MADE
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
GINGER: WELL, HERE'S THE HARD THING IS WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES,
AND THEN WE ALL HAVE TO FACE HOW DO WE MOVE FORWARD?
WHAT DO WE DO IN THE FACE OF THOSE MISTAKES?
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU TOOK THAT TO YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER?
RUTH: WELL, I HAD TO GO SEE THEM.
IT WAS A 2-DAY DRIVE, AND FEARS MULTIPLIED WITH EVERY MILE, AND
QUESTIONS SWIRLED IN MY MIND.
WHAT WERE THEY GOING TO SAY TO ME?
WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY TO THEM?
WHAT ABOUT MY CHILDREN?
IF I HAD MADE SUCH A TERRIBLE MISTAKE, HOW COULD I EVER TRUST
MYSELF AGAIN?
I WAS JUST MISERABLE.
AND MY PARENTS LIVE ON THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN, AND I WOUND MY
CAR UP THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN.
AND AS I PULLED IN THE PLACE TO PARK THE CAR, MY FATHER
WAS STANDING THERE.
AND WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE CAR, HE WRAPPED HIS ARMS AROUND ME
AND HE SAID, "WELCOME HOME."
THAT CHANGED MY LIFE.
AND THE GRACE THAT HE SHOWED AND THE FORGIVENESS WAS JUST SO
COMPLETE.
AND I HAD ALWAYS KNOWN THAT MY FATHER LOVED ME, THAT WAS NOT
AN ISSUE.
BUT THAT WAS JUST SO EVIDENT TO ME THAT HE WAS GIVING HIS
DAUGHTER GRACE.
AND I HAD BLOWN IT, HE COULD'VE SAID, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS?"
NONE OF THAT.
HE WAS JUST SO LOVING AND KIND.
AND SO I, AT THAT POINT, REALIZED THAT I WANTED TO PASS
THAT GRACE ON TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW, THAT GOD HAD CALLED ME TO PASS THAT GRACE ON TO OTHER
WOUNDED PEOPLE.
AND SO, THAT'S WHAT I'M HAPPY TO DO.
GINGER: SO, THOSE EXPECTATIONS WERE PROVEN TO BE
VERY DIFFERENT.
HE DIDN'T PUT THAT GUILT ON YOU.
DID THAT HELP LIFT THE GUILT FROM YOURSELF AT THE SAME TIME?
RUTH: NOT AT THAT TIME.
I MEAN, I FELT WELCOMED AND, YOU KNOW, EMBRACED, BUT IT
WASN'T UNTIL LATER WHEN I WAS IN CHURCH.
AND I REALIZED THAT I NEEDED TO GO AND TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD.
AND I WAS--BUT I WAS AFRAID BECAUSE I WAS BILLY GRAHAM'S
DAUGHTER, AND EVERYBODY WOULD SEE ME, AND THEY'D THINK
SOMETHING WAS WRONG.
GINGER: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE ALL FELT LIKE THAT?
I CAN'T GO FORWARD IN CHURCH BECAUSE WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO
THINK I'M PRAYING ABOUT, YOU KNOW?
RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT.
SO, BUT I DID, I STEPPED OUT AND I WENT FORWARD, AND I WAS
THE ONLY ONE THAT WENT FORWARD.
THEY ALL SAW ME.
AND AT THAT POINT, I DIDN'T CARE.
BUT IT WAS A TIME FOR ME TO JUST HIT BOTTOM AND SAY,
"GOD, YOU TAKE THIS MESS."
AND HE DID.
IT WAS LIKE HE WAS LIFTING EVERYTHING OFF OF MY SHOULDERS
BIT BY BIT, THE GUILT, THE SHAME, THE HURT.
AND THAT CHANGED MY LIFE TOO.
YOU KNOW, IT WAS A COMBINATION OF MY FATHER'S GRACE, BUT THEN
MY HEAVENLY FATHER'S GRACE.
AND LATER, I'D HAVE TO SHOW MY CHILDREN GRACE, SO.
GINGER: SO, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WATCHING RIGHT
NOW WHO HAS FELT THE WEIGHT OF EXPECTATIONS IN THEIR LIFE?
NO MATTER WHO PUT THOSE EXPECTATIONS ON THEM, THEY FELT
THAT WEIGHT AS YOU HAVE.
HOW WOULD YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT LETTING THOSE GO AND BEING
AUTHENTIC?
RUTH: WELL, FOR ME, IT WAS COMING TO UNDERSTAND WHO I WAS
IN CHRIST.
AND MY SCREENSAVER ON MY COMPUTER LISTS, "YOU BELONG.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE VALUED."
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO RENEW OUR MINDS.
YOU KNOW, THE BIBLE SAYS TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE TO
THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST, AND WE DO.
AND THAT'S A BATTLE.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE 'CAUSE THE ENEMY, WE
HAVE AN ENEMY, AND HE IS ALWAYS PLANTING THOUGHTS IN OUR MINDS.
"YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YOU DIDN'T DO THAT RIGHT.
YOU BLEW IT.
WHY'D YOU DO IT THAT WAY?" WE HAVE TO COUNTERACT THAT WITH
THE SCRIPTURES, THE TRUTH OF GOD'S WORD, AND DO IT OVER,
AND OVER, AND OVER AGAIN.
AND LIKE I SAID, IT'S A BATTLE AND IT'S A PROCESS, AND I DON'T
THINK WE EVER ARRIVE UNTIL WE GET TO HEAVEN.
AND THEN WE WILL HAVE, YOU KNOW, THE LORD WELCOME US,
AND THAT WILL BE SO EXCITING.
BUT I THINK IT'S RENEWING YOUR MIND.
DOING THINGS THAT ARE HEALTHY FOR YOURSELF.
AND REMEMBERING YOU HAVE AN AUDIENCE OF ONE.
DON'T TRY TO PLEASE--YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY.
IT JUST DOESN'T WORK, YOU'LL WEAR YOURSELF OUT.
AND JUST GET IN THE SCRIPTURES.
AND MY MOTHER GAVE ME A GREAT EXAMPLE, SHE ALWAYS HAD HER
BIBLE OPEN ON HER DESK.
AND SO, DURING THE DAY, SHE WOULD RUN BACK TO THE BIBLE,
JUST MAYBE IT WAS A WORD, MAYBE IT WAS A PHRASE, BUT SHE
SATURATED HERSELF IN THE SCRIPTURES.
GINGER: YEAH.
THAT'S LIFE-CHANGING TO YOU, ISN'T IT?
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THAT IS JUST VERY ENCOURAGING FOR ALL OF US TO UNDERSTAND THAT
OUR HEAVENLY FATHER ISN'T LOOKING DOWN AND SHAKING HIS
HEAD AND SAYING, "YOU'VE LET ME DOWN.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED."
BECAUSE HE KNEW ALL ALONG WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IN OUR
LIVES, AND HE NEVER STOPS LOVING US.
RUTH: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S ALL LOVE, TOTAL LOVE.
GINGER: WELL, RUTH IS GOING TO BE JOINING US AT
WOMEN'S CONFERENCE THIS YEAR.
CANNOT WAIT, SO EXCITED.
YOU MADE ME CRY TODAY.
SO, WE'LL--WELL, I'M SURE IT'LL BE A LOT OF LAUGHTER,
A LOT OF TEARS.
IT'LL BE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND FOR ALL OF YOU LADIES WHO ATTEND.
SO, WE CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOU THERE.
RUTH: THANK YOU, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
GINGER: WELL, WE HOPE YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT TOO.
YOU CAN GO ONLINE AND YOU CAN STILL REGISTER.
IT IS NOT TOO LATE.
MAKE PLANS TO BE THERE WITH US.