to focus. Many of us have devoted a significant portion of our lives to Analyzing, Studying,
and Practicing, all by ourselves. Just because our ambitions in life necessitate this.
So if we want to become your friend, we won’t show that we are ready to be friends with you
in an obvious way. You must demonstrate that you are interested in us, or better yet,
study us and search for all the things we like to do so that you can utilize that information
to start a conversation with us. Chatting is not something we do much of or enjoy.
We’d rather remain quiet and invest time in doing activities that interest us. If you
plan to approach us, try to be stimulating and put effort into making things feel interesting.
If you don't, we'll just get bored, disconnected, and forget what we're there for.
I can't connect with people who don't know what they want to do with their life.
When I meet people like this, I often feel like I'm the one responsible for
making their life decisions, not them. It is impossible for me to stay in a relationship
with someone who isn’t working towards any goals. I need someone who's active and driven. For me,
life is about moving forward and making progress.
#3 If an INTJ texts you often and is able to share personal information,
it means that they like you as a person. But with the information they share, you will have
to treat it with respect, because most people don’t have access to that kind of information,
so it indicates that he or she trusts you. We trust very few people. We have very high
expectations of ourselves and don’t expect any less from those we trust. We only trust
people who have demonstrated their worth. #2 If an INTJ seems to be impossible to befriend,
it is most likely because they have made a conscious decision to focus on their career
or their own personal growth. INTJs, especially those who prioritize their work over anything,
are so preoccupied with their work that they won’t dedicate any time to interacting with people
outside of their workplace. #1 Getting to know us may be more
difficult if you are unable to discuss theories. I find small talk to be a waste.
I only talk about the weather with my family when I don’t know what else to talk about
or when there's an awkward pause in the conversation.
I’d rather talk about what might happen in the future as well as new scientific findings.
However, every INTJ is unique, so find out what he or she enjoys
and start a discussion on that with them! The hard part for me is keeping friends,
not making them. Despite the fact that I desire to have friends that I can share ideas with,
I don't feel the need to have friends for the sake of avoiding being alone.
I'd rather be alone than to be in terrible company. Because of this attitude, I've stopped
communicating with several acquaintances who I found to be uninspiring.
The less knowledge we have about you, the longer it takes for us INTJs to evaluate whether or not
you have potential to be a friend. We don't build friendships very fast, and we don't want to.
For us, you must contribute something to the relationship like useful information or opinions.
Also, persistence is important. Don’t give up if we don’t seem interested at first.
We just need some time to see whether you are more interesting than our own thoughts,
but we’ll make it clear if we’re not interested in being your friend.
There are only four Intuitive-Thinking types that account for a bit over 10%
of the population. This group of people is very small to begin with. INTJ is a rare type within a
group of already rare personality types. INTJs set high expectations for everything,
including friendships. Ni and Te are their strongest functions,
and the good part is these together make it easier to see through other people’s facades.
There are many reasons why INTJs have a hard time making friends.
One reason is there are not a lot of people who share the same interests. INTJs define a friend
as someone that they can enjoy pursuing similar interests and being productive with. Boredom is
a cause of distress for them. If their friends refuse to be involved in their projects or if they
believe those friends are not up to the task, then there's no point in having that friend.
A second reason is that most INTJs do not feel comfortable in social situations. When they do
socialize, it's only for a short period of time. Introverts are used to living in their shells, but
Ni dominants are even more so. Social situations consume so much of their mind that they often give
the impression that they are bored or daydreaming. To top this off, their Ni and Te combination makes
for a seemingly unfriendly gaze, also known as the death stare. This means they look cold,
unapproachable, or angry a lot of the time, but they may just be thinking
or even trying to act friendly with you. A third reason why INTJs don’t have many friends
is that people don't know how to communicate with them. An INTJ’s thought process and perception of
reality are different from the majority of people. Their interests or hobbies are quite unique
but not especially broad. Ne users tend to enjoy discussing a broader range of subjects
than Ni users. To clarify, this does not mean that INTJs can’t discuss many subjects; rather,
they just prefer to focus on certain concepts and ideas that few people care about.
This can explain why it’s hard for INTJs to relate to others. They often seem to be in a
different dimension. But many INTJs already accept this. They don’t see this as a weakness since this
allows them to become even more self-reliant, and as a result, less dependent on people.
You may wonder since they don’t have too many friends, does it mean they have many enemies?
The answer is “most probably not”. INTJs are one of the few types that prefer not to make
enemies because it's easy for them to see things from other people’s perspectives,
so they simply agree to disagree. However, if someone crosses the line, they will be
completely removed from their lives. There is no turning back once you've crossed that line.
INTJs will give you many chances before cutting you out of their life.
To conclude, INTJs are not bad at making friends. They are just very decisive about who they want
to be friends with. Someone new that rubs them the wrong way is just going to be an
immediate ‘no’ without a second thought. This ‘I already decided I don't like you’ mindset
is not helpful in making a lot of new friends, but for the INTJs, it is helpful in not getting
involved in relationships they don't want to be in or will come to regret later.
Keep this in mind: developing a friendship with an INTJ doesn’t happen overnight. It can take
even years before you can gain this level of attention and trust. Until then, you might
consider the INTJ your friend, but from his or her point of view, you’re just an acquaintance.