You know I've always been suspicious of friends.
What starts over a shared interest in paintball
comes to a screeching halt
four years later when I have to memorize your wife's name.
Nice try
Gary why don't you go home to blonde hair and blue shoes.
Friends are dangerous and no one knows
that more than America's number one friend Donald Trump.
He went to the G7 summit this weekend
which, in case you don't know,
is where the U.S. meets with our top allies
to discuss the world economy and diplomatic priorities.
So you know what Trump did.
Ask Info Wars: he body slammed it and that's not hyperbole.
This is actual footage of Trump walking into the summit.
Here he is, walking in... there it is and SLAM.
SLAM. Take that.
That'll teach you to be ideologically aligned with us
on almost every geopolitical issue.
Of course the leftist media sees some sort of problem
with this. That Trump is alienating all his allies
and acting like a petulant child.
But does this look like a petulant child?
This is obviously a power stance.
Everyone knows the real way to be in charge
is to make your body resemble a pouty mini refrigerator.
But get used to it world.
For everyone wondering what the Trump foreign policy
doctrine is.
History got an answer. Three words.
Senior White House official quoted today
the Trump doctrine is "We're America, bitch."
We're America...
Bitch. What a doctrine.
Now I know there's a word in there
that liberals will find offensive.
America. Those bitches need to chill.
This is what "we're America bitch"
looks like. You show up whatever the hell you want to.
Trump left late for the summit on Friday.
Landing an hour behind schedule.
When asked why he was late, one White House official
told NBC News quote "He is the president."
He, again, showed up late this time 20 minutes
late for a breakfast discussion on gender equality.
They should be happy. The meeting was on gender equality.
So Trump graciously only participated
in 77 percent of it.
He didn't stop there. Trump took his doctorine
to America's upstairs neighbor Canada.
Canada drives me crazy.
It's like somebody took Bernie Sanders
and stretched him into an entire country.
And, it's
led by Prime Minister "swimming pool eyes" Justin Trudeau
who set himself and his country
up as America's enemy number one.
If you were Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
just heating up. -Canada maybe the closest U.S. ally
and promised retaliatory trade moves in response
to steep new tariffs announced by the Trump administration.
Trump firing back calling Trudeau weak.
His advisers are saying Canada's Justin Trudeau
stabbed the president in the back.
Oh you can't stab Trump in the back.
He's got eyes back there. He sees everything.
Listen to Trudeau's vicious vulgar threats.
Canadians, we're polite we're reasonable
but we also will not be pushed around.
Oh, filthy! Filthy.
I am sorry that everyone at home
will have to wash their DVR's out with soap.
Pretty big words from someone who is taking advantage
of America
by taxing dairy from us at 270%,
according to Trump's Twitter.
What is Canada trying to do to us
with this 270% milk tax?
Milk comes in 1%, 2%,
and whole. What kind of a monster country demands
270% milk?
This shit is dense like a black hole of lactose.
No.
Bean counting economist nerds are taking Canada's side
saying that Trump is a bully
and pointing out that Canada brings in twice
as much dairy from the U.S.
as it exports and that dairy
is only about point two percent of the total value
of goods exported to Canada.
But last I checked one fifth of 1% is still some.
So Trump isn't being a bully.
He's just pushing around a smaller weaker kid
and literally stealing his milk money.
Stop picking on us, Canada!
We're America, bitch!
You know what, Trump doesn't have time for any G7 nerds
because right now the president is in Singapore
sitting down with Kim Jong Un
negotiating historic peace.
And if they're lucky, North Korea
will one day become the type of ally
that we can bodyslam on the world
stage.