- Are you currently single,
or perhaps you're looking for a long-term relationship?
Although we hope you found that special someone,
we understand that, generally, dating isn't easy.
Do you think you might be hurting your chances at true love?
Have you had a long list of failed relationships
but can't seem to figure out where it all went wrong?
Well, here are 10 things that might be keeping you
from finding relationships that work.
One, you have cynical views about love.
What's that saying again?
"Once bitten, twice shy."
It's common for people who have been stung by love before
to stop believing in the magic of romance.
You have every right to grieve, feel hurt,
and learn from the experience.
But being stuck in your negative ways
and dwelling on your pain, resentment,
and regret is only gonna close you off
from new opportunities to find the one
who truly loves you for who you are.
Two, you set unrealistic standards.
Nowadays, we see so many pictures and posts online
about couples who are #relationshipgoals
that it may start to cloud your judgment
and give you unrealistically high standards.
You might turn down great dating prospects
or throw away a special connection you had with someone
just because it wasn't everything you hoped it would be.
But the truth is,
sometimes relationships are more about
being the right person than finding the right person.
Three, you've set too many deal breakers.
You have standards, you know what you want,
and that's a good thing.
But expecting too much of your potential partners too fast
sets the scene for failure and disappointment.
Are you so quick to call it quits
and run away at the first sign of imperfection?
Just as you deserve a fair chance, so do they.
In the end, relationships take time and effort,
and sometimes those flaws make this person uniquely tailored
for your relationship.
It's in the complete acceptance of an imperfect person
that we find the kind of love that's meant to last.
Four, when you have unresolved past trauma.
Whether it's a messy breakup,
a toxic relationship, or an unhappy childhood,
your past can leave you with loads of painful memories
and emotional scars that you often never really get over.
You end up carrying that trauma with you
throughout your life,
unknowingly allowing it to ruin your relationships.
Resolution, acceptance, and being at peace with your past
will not only negate most of the detrimental effects,
but also help you be a better partner,
giving the relationship its best chance
to stand the test of time.
Five, you have low self-esteem.
I know you've heard the quote,
"You can't love someone else
until you learn to love yourself first."
When you suffer from low self-esteem,
you tend to lose yourself in your partner.
Instead of developing your own sense of self,
your partner is used as a substitute.
Since you feel like you're unworthy of their love,
you constantly worry
that they'll eventually realize that and leave.
The insecurity makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy,
through things like misinterpreting small actions,
catastrophizing, and constantly suspecting
your partner of things.
This can be exhausting for the other person and for you.
Six, you have a fear of happiness.
Hey, don't laugh, we know how it sounds.
Why would anyone fear being happy?
We humans are strange creatures,
and this indeed is something that happens,
even though most of us aren't aware of it.
Are you afraid of what would happen
if you ever did find the one?
So afraid that it leads you
to sabotaging your own relationships?
Do you push people away
before they can get too close to you,
because having an honest, emotional connection
with someone scares you?
You try not to get too attached
and suppress your desire for connection so much so
that others may misunderstand
and think you're inconsiderate, inconsistent,
and not at all interested.
Seven, you have trust issues.
Do you feel jealous about your partner being close
with other people?
Does it make you uncomfortable
to think of them going out without you?
Do you need to read their messages
and know where they are all the time just to feel secure?
Sad to say, nothing dooms a relationship faster
than a lack of mutual trust.
Behaving like you don't trust them
will cause your partner to grow resentful of you over time.
No one likes being constantly controlled
and under suspicion.
Eight, you think you'll lose your independence
by being in a relationship.
The rom-com movies always say,
"You complete me," which isn't the healthiest of messages.
Perhaps you subconsciously fear commitment
because you think you'll lose your independence or freedom
when you do find a relationship.
The truth is the opposite.
Remember this, in a healthy relationship,
you should never have to sacrifice your personality,
your independence, or who you are for a romantic partner.
The hallmark of every strong, enduring relationship
is learning to maintain your independence
while still being happily committed to someone.
Nine, you want someone you can't or shouldn't have.
Most of us are guilty of liking somebody
against our better judgments,
probably even more than once.
Whether it's because they're already taken
or emotionally unavailable,
it's easy to fall in love with the wrong people.
Obsessing over the forbidden fruit
closes off your ability to consider the more compatible
and better suited people for you.
And 10, you don't learn from your mistakes.
We all make mistakes.
We're only human.
But what mistakes have you made in your past relationships
and what have you learned from them?
What's changed about you and how you look at things
because of your mistakes?
If you don't know
or believe you've never done anything wrong,
this may be the most detrimental factor
to your ability to find a lasting relationship.
Mistakes allow us to learn, grow,
and be better the next time around.
If there's no learning,
the same mistakes occur and the cycle is endless.
A relationship takes more than one person.
Luckily enough, one of those people is you.
How do you think you're doing?
What went sideways in previous relationships?
Do you relate to any of these signs in this video?
Or perhaps you see a friend who has these signs?
Knowing the answers to these goes a long way
to helping you on your quest for love.
We hope you enjoyed this video.
What do you wanna watch from us next?
Let us know in the comments below.
Don't forget to like and share this video
and subscribe to Psych2Go for more psychology content.
We'll catch you in the next one!
Thanks for watching.