Are you growing that beard because it made your
warrior ancestors harder to punch? You might want to rethink that.
Nature is full of sexual dimorphism – the differences in appearance between males and
females of the same species. It happens all the time. All the pretty peafowls are guys,
and male elephant seals not only grow much larger than their female counterparts,
but they also develop a wad of floppy nose flab to attract a mate. It helps them…seal the deal.
As can be seen, sexual dimorphism is everywhere,
which brings us to the most bizarre animals of all: people. One of the most apparent examples
of sexual dimorphism in humans is that some can grow beards while others can't.
"And he had one thing you haven't got."
"What's that, sir?"
"A great big bushy beard!"
Compared to some of the examples the animal kingdom can throw our way,
the human beard isn't anything to write home about, but still: What's the point?
Why do roughly half of all human beings possess the ability to develop itchier, warmer faces
but not the other half? Researchers have been combing for answers to that question for years,
and here's what they've come up with: A fat, hairy nothing. But there are some theories.
Obviously, the face is not the only area of the body that some humans grow hair.
We have hair on our heads, our bodies, and around our nether regions. Each of those
examples of naturally-occurring human hair serves a purpose. Some patches keep us warm,
while others add protection from germs and bacteria.
Eyelashes, for example, help protect our sensitive eyes from dust and particles,
while eyebrows help keep our eyes free from sweat. It's reasonable then that facial hair
may serve some or all the same functions. But that doesn't really answer the question of why
some humans grow facial hair and some can't. If beards really made a massive difference
in keeping germs out of our mouths, it would stand to reason that everybody would have them.
According to University of New Mexico professor Geoffrey Miller, the most commonly accepted beard
theories fall into two camps: Intersexual attraction, and intrasexual competition.
Intersexual attraction boils down to "ladies dig beards." That theory was supported by
evolutionary biologist Charles Darwin in his 1871 work, "The Descent of Man." That's
a notion the lushly-bearded Darwin himself had a conflict of interest in, it's important to note.
Meanwhile, "intrasexual competition" says that beards evolved to scare off rivals,
which is sometimes referred to as the "Pugilism Hypothesis." In other words,
other dudes find facial hair intimidating.
There's another theory: Could a human beard offer our face and jaw extra cushioning should we come
to blows? Scientists explored that question in a 2020 study called "Impact Protection
Potential of Mammalian Hair: Testing the Pugilism Hypothesis for the Evolution of
Human Facial Hair," and they found that furry objects do absorb 30 percent more impact when
struck by something like a punch, which could support the "Pugilism Hypothesis."
But there's also something called the "Handicap Principle," which suggests that
a long beard might not be such an advantage after all. Logically, a long beard makes for
prime grabbing material in a fight, so the risks would likely outweigh the benefits.
There's also the fact that hair does nothing to protect any other part of the body from blows.
Basically, there are a lot of theories, but no concrete conclusions. So in the end,
we may never have a definitive answer as to why some dudes grow luscious chin locks. For now,
the best we can do is be grateful that they do. If not for facial hair,
we wouldn't have mustache-maestro Sam Elliott movies or ZZ Top or a million
guys trying to look like their favorite Game of Thrones character. Then where would we be?
As Forbes points out, certain humans may grow beards just because they can,
and we've all just retroactively conceived a number of theories to explain why that happens.