>> Stephen: NOW, YOU AND I, WE
HAVE MET ONCE BEFORE.
IT'S THE BATHROOM AT THE GRAMMYS -- NO, THE EMMYS.
>> Stephen: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WITH KANYE IN THE
GRAMMYS, WITH YOU AT THE EMMYS.
A WONDERFUL PLACE TO MEET.
>> I WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND I WAS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND
THE BATHROOM AND I WAS, LIKE, HEY!
I TRIED TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND I WANTED TO COME IN WITH YOU,
STEPHEN, BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME, BUT HERE I AM NOW.
TOUCH ME AGAIN.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WORK OUT?
I WORK OUT.
ONLY THIS ARM, THOUGH.
(LAUGHTER) I'M LIKE ARRRRR!
TOUCH MY ARM AND SEE WHAT I DO.
>> Stephen: YOU FLEXED?!
I DID NOT!
>> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T CARE WHAT THIS FELT LIKE.
THAT'S A MAN SECURE IN HIS OWN MANLINESS.
>> YEAH, AND THAT WAS ME FLEXING.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN NOW.
>> I AM.
I HAVE BEEN FOR SOME TIME.
(APPLAUSE) THAT'S WHY IF TRUMP BECOMES
PRESIDENT I'M, LIKE, YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME, I'M HERE, IT'S COOL.
>> Stephen: YOU GOT IN UNDER THE TRUMP LIMIT, AS WE CALL IT.
>> THE SCOTTISH PEOPLE ARE OUT BUILDING A WALL.
>> Stephen: THEY ALREADY HAD ONE.
>> NO, THE ROMANS BUILT THE WALL TO KEEP THE SCOTTISH PEOPLE OUT.
>> Stephen: COULDN'T DO IT.
IT'S A LESSON FROM OUR HISTORY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU MORE PATRIOTIC THAN REGULAR AMERICANS
BECAUSE YOU CHOSE AMERICA.
YOU MARRIED INTO THIS FAMILY KNOWING WHAT YOU WERE GETTING.
THE REST OF US WERE BORN HERE.
>> TO BE FAIR, FIRST OF ALL, TRUMP WASN'T RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT WHEN I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN
(APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
AND I ALSO THINK, YES, A LITTLE BIT IN THE SENSE THAT
YOU'RE CATHOLIC BUT YOU WERE BORN A CATHOLIC.
>> Stephen: I CAN LEAVE ANYTIME, THOUGH.
>> YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW PEOPLE WHO BECOME CATHOLICS LATER ON IN
LIFE -- >> Stephen: THEY PRAY WITH THE
ELBOWS OUT.
>> THEY'RE A LITTLE MORE JESUS-Y THAN THE REGULAR CATHOLIC.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY CHOSE.
>> CHANGING YOUR NATIONALITY IS AN ACT OF FAITH, ANY FAITH IS
ENHANCED BY HAVING A LITTLE DOUBT AND CONCERN.
WHEN I LOOK AT MY OWN PATRIOTISM, IT'S STILL FERVENT
AND THERE, BUT IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS OF THE
JULY FOURTH FEELING OF BECOMING A CITIZEN.
NOW IT'S, LIKE, HOW DO BECOME INVOLVED IN ELECTING THE
PRESIDENT AND THAT SORT OF THING.
>> Stephen: DID YOU BECOME A CITIZEN JULY FOURTH?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE ASKING A GIRL TO MARRY YOU AT THE TOP OF
THE EIFFEL TOWER.
>> DID YOU DO THAT?
>> Stephen: NO, I'M NOT AS ROMANTIC AS I COULD BE.
>> I'M SURE YOU WIFE SAID OKAY, ANYWAY.
DON'T PROPOSE A WOMAN ON TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER BECAUSE YOU
WANT A WOMAN TO SETTLE FOR LESS.
>> Stephen: THE BOTTOM OF A MINE SHAFT.
>> THAT'S CORRECT.
IT'S GOING TO BE BETTER, BABY!
>> Stephen: WHY "JOIN OR DIE?" CAN I GET A SHOT OF THAT?
>> THAT'S A TATTOO ON MY ARM.
BEN FRANKLIN PUT THIS IN A CARTOON, WE MUST COME TOGETHER,
A UNITED CALLING.
SO IT BECAME A SYMBOL OF THE UNITED COLONIES WHICH BECAME THE
UNITED STATES AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET THAT WHEN I
BECAME A CITIZEN.
I HAVE OTHERS BUT THEY'RE ELSEWHERE.
>> Stephen: DOES THIS DEAL WITH A PART OF AMERICAN HISTORY.
>> I THINK THE FIRST YEARS WERE TOO CONTEMPORARY.
I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK A LITTLE FURTHER.
RIGHT NOW IT TENDS TO BE IN THE LAST 50 TO 100 YEARS AND TENDS
TO BE AMERICAN HISTORY.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE TOPICS -- >> Stephen: THESE ARE SOME OF
THE TOPICS COMING UP ON THE NEW SHOW, CAN I ASK YOU ABOUT THEM?
>> YEAH.
BUT I'M NOT PUTTING MYSELF OUT AS A HISTORY BUFF.
I'M NOT BUFF LIKE YOU ARE BUFF.
>> Stephen: OR IN THE BUFF.
WELL...
>> Stephen: RATINGS, RATINGS.
RATINGS ARE IMPORTANT.
>> Stephen: NEVER SAY NEVER.
I DON'T KNOW IF ME BEING NAKED WILL GET ANYBODY WATCH THE
HISTORY CHANNEL.
>> Stephen: WE'LL GET TO SEE THE OTHER TATTOO!
>> WE WATCHED DYNASTY AND NOW A NAKED DUDE, YEAH!
>> Stephen: WELL, IT'S THE HISTORY CHANNEL.
FOR A LONG TIME IT WAS HITLER THEN ALIENS.
>> THAT'S PART OF OUR HISTORY, STEPHEN, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR
NOT, HITLER!
>> Stephen: AND ALIENS.
WE HAVE COME FROM ANOTHER PLANET!
>> Stephen: YEAH, THAT WAS A GOOD HITLER ALIEN!
THAT WAS SPOOKY!
(APPLAUSE) >> YES, I ONLY WORK OUT ON THIS
SIDE -- (GERMAN ACCENT)
>> Stephen: MOST OVERRATED FIGURE IN AMERICAN HISTORY AND
WHY?
WHO'S THAT?
>> AT THE MOMENT, I THINK IT HAS TO BE KANYE, BUT LATER...
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: HE'S IN DEBT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I THINK IT'S A PLOY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
HOW CAN HE BE IN DEBT?
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU SEEN HOW HE LIVES?
IT WAS POSSIBLE.
>> HE'S GOT CLOTHING LINES AND, YOU KNOW, DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU
RICH IF YOU HAVE A CLOTHING LINE?
>> Stephen: I'VE NEVER HAD A CLOTHING LINE.
DO YOU HAVE A CLOTHING LINE?
>> I'D LIKE TO PUT ONE TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: WE'RE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS.
>> 50-YEAR-OLD SCOTTISH DUDE.
I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT GUY!
>> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE THINGS YOU HAD TO LEARN FOR
YOUR AMERICAN -- FOR YOUR CITIZENSHIP TEST?
>> NO, I DID IT WHEN IT WAS EASIER.
THEY CHANGED THE TEST AND MADE IT HARDER.
WHEN I DID IT, IT'S LIKE, DO YOU HATE AL QUAIDA?
YOU'RE IN!
>> Stephen: THAT WAS IT?
YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL SCOTTISH?
DO YOU HAVE DUAL CITIZENSHIP?
>> YES, YOU CAN HAVE IT REMOVED.
YOUR PEOPLE ARE ORIGINALLY FROM FRANCE, I WOULD IMAGINE.
>> Stephen: NO, MINE ARE FROM IRELAND.
IT'S SORT OF FAKE FRENCH, BUT I'M FROM IRELAND.
>> YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME TO FRENCHJT
>> Stephen: IT'S COLE-BERT, BUT I'M PRETENTIOUS.
>> HE SAID SOMETHING SO DEPRECATING AND YOU WENT, YEA!
YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?
>> I WAS THINKING ABOUT TRUMP BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT MIGHT COME
UP IN MY DISCUSSIONS.
YOU KNOW HIS MOTHER WAS SCOTTISH.
>> Stephen: I HEARD THAT, YEAH.
>> WELL, THAT'S THE (BLEEP) PROBLEM RIGHT THERE!
CAN I SAY THAT ON CBS NOW?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: OH, YEAH!
YOU CAN SAY (BLEEP) ALL YOU WANT ON CBS NOW!
YEAH!
THAT'S ONE OF THE BIGGEST CHANGES.
THEY LOVE IT!
>> IF I HAD KNOWN THAT I WOULD HAVE (BLEEP) STAYED!
(LAUGHTER) BUT HIS MOTHER IS SCOTTISH AND
YOU'RE LOOKING AT A MAN WHOSE MOTHER IS SCOTTISH AND NOT
ENOUGH THERAPY.
>> Stephen: WHO TEES THE GREATEST SCOT?
>> SEAN CONNERY, WITHOUT A DOUBT.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GUYS FROM THE SAME AREA.
>> NO, IT'S A EAST COAST-WEST COAST THING.
IT'S A BIGGIE TUPAC.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A BEEF?
>> NO, HE'S 84 YEARS OLD AND CAN STILL KICK MY ASS.
>> Stephen: "JOIN OR DIE WITH CRAIG FERGUSON"
PREMIERES FEBRUARY 18TH AT 11:00 PM ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.