-Welcome, welcome welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here. Thank you for watching.
I appreciate that.
Guys, this Sunday is Easter. [ Cheering ]
Yeah. And I saw that on Monday,
the Bidens will host the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.
Yeah, on Monday.
[ Laughter ]
It's like someone saying come to my epic
New Year's Eve party on January 2nd.
[ Laughter ]
It'll be weird when the Easter Bunny hugs Biden,
and underneath the mask, you hear,
[as Donald Trump] "You have to pardon me, please."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] I heard that this year the White House
is debuting a new bunny mascot.
Yeah, it's a little different than the bunnies
the last president hung out with, and...
[ Laughter ]
The White House Easter Egg Roll is always a fun event,
but I hope it goes better for Biden than it did last year.
Oh, man.
-He's off.
Pull your feet in!
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
Oh!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[ Audience "Ohs" ]
Is he alright?
[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yes!
[ Laughs ]
That's the best --
that's is the best video I've ever seen in my lifetime.
[ Screams ] He always gets hit by...
It's unbelievable.
Falls in a river. Oh, my God.
-Speaking of Easter, since eggs are so expensive
right now, this is real, a group called Potatoes USA
said that Americans should paint potatoes instead.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Painting potatoes instead of eggs.
I know that's not true, but in my head
it's what Easter is like in Russia.
[ Laughter ]
Even your grandpa, who lived through the Depression was like,
That's bleak.
On the bright side, Mrs. Potato Head
is like makeover.
[ Laughter ]
Some business news.
Sweetgreen has renamed their Chipotle chicken burrito bowl
after they were sued by Chipotle for trademark infringement.
Yup, Sweetgreen said that they won't make that mistake again
and introduced their new
Sweetgreen cheesy gordita crunch.
[ Laughter ]
Guys, baseball is back.
And here in New York, fans are excited about the Yankees.
21-year-old rookie shortstop Anthony Volpe.
Is it or is it -- is it Volpe or is it -- or is it "Volpa"?
I always -- I heard it both ways.
-Oh, come on. If you're going to talk about the players,
you've got to know how to pronounce their names.
-Oh, so you know how to pronounce every
Major League Baseball player's name?
-[ Scoffs ] Yeah, I'm an announcer.
It's kind of my job, you know?
So go ahead, test me with some names.
-I'll give you a names. Real quick.
Who's this?
-Oh. Jerry Springer. Come on.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright. Who's this?
-Zac Efron.
You've got to give me some hard ones, man.
Rapid fire me. -You want rapid fire?
Alright, here we go. Who's this?
-That's Eva Longoria.
Jurassic Park.
Oh, Yummy Cheerios.
Finding Nemo.
Wendy's in Panera.
I see a killer Falafel.
[ Laughter ]
All about that bass.
Oh, Boba Fett. That guy right there.
Nick at Nite.
Colin Poke.
Loose Urine.
Juicy Fart.
Areola.
Great Crotch.
My Willy's Castrated.
Masturbates.
No, no, no, no.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, okay, okay, okay.
Last one. Last one.
I'll give you his name and you tell me if it's correct.
Okay? -Okay, great.
-Pierce Johnson.
-Well, I just call him by his nickname, Ouch.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Steve Higgins, everybody right there.
Steve Higgins.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, guys, I saw that there's a new documentary
on Hulu called "The Pope Answers,"
which features young people asking the Pope questions.
Yeah, I guess the pope is trying to connect
with the younger people, but I don't know.
I think he's trying a little too hard.
Take a look at this clip I saw.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Ice --
Ice cream and Fruit Roll-Ups?
This is going viral, guys.
This is real. This is funny.
Someone ordered a cake from Costco
and they gave them a design to work from,
but I think they took it too literally.
Here's the design, right?
Alright, and here's what they got.
[ Laughter ]
It's weird, they completely messed up,
but they also did a great job?
Costco immediately apologized and redid the cake.
Here's the cake now. There you go.
That's perfect. There you go.
[ Applause ]
You guys, there's a lot going on in the news right now,
but instead of me just telling you about it,
I thought it'd be nice to give you the chance
to decide what we talk about.
That's right, it's time for You Pick The Joke. Here we go.
-♪ You pick the joke ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ You pick the joke ♪
-So, here's how it works.
I'm going to show you two news stories,
then you guys get to pick which one we talk about, okay?
Alright, here we go. Let's take a look at story number one.
-Finland is officially joining NATO
as the military alliance's 31st member.
-Okay. Here's story number two.
-A bizarre story out of Northwest Oklahoma City.
A woman was trying to break into a home.
She gets stuck in a chimney,
and it turns out she was not wearing any clothing.
-Alright.
-Which story do you want to talk about? One or two.
[ Audience shouts ]
Good choice. That's a good choice.
That's right, a woman got stuck in a chimney naked.
It sounds like Mary Poppins got an OnlyFans.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let's do another pair of stories once again.
You guys get to pick. Here's story number one.
The U.S. housing market split in two.
Prices are falling on one side of the country,
still holding in there on the other.
-Okay. And here's story number two.
-Police say that a man went to extremes
to avoid capture after breaking into a home in Florida.
They actually found him in the attic,
buried in the insulation with his face
against the air duct system to breathe fresh air.
[ Laughter ]
Which one are you talking about? One or two.
-Two. -Two.
-That's right a burglar tried to hide himself
by burying himself under insulation.
This is also what it looks like
when you go skiing with Gwyneth Paltrow.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let's do one final round. Here's story number one.
-Gas prices could soon be headed higher
after OPEC plus countries announced
a major cutback in oil production.
-And here's story number two.
-In Brevard County, a ride to a job interview
ends with some charges.
A man was arrested after allegedly
going 100 miles per hour in a 40-mile per hour zone.
He told police he had to get his girlfriend
to a job interview at a Taco Bell.
-Alright, which one?
Want to talk about one or you want to talk about two?
-Two. -Two? Great choice.
Usually if you hear 100 miles per hour in Taco Bell,
it's someone running to the bathroom.
There, you guys. That's You Pick The Joke.
-♪ You pick the joke ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ You pick the joke ♪
-And finally, as I mentioned,
the White House Easter egg roll is on Monday.
And the thing I look forward to every year
is seeing the White House Easter Bunny,
because every year the bunny looks different.
Here, I'll show you what I mean.
♪♪
♪ Bunny in a vest ♪
♪ Bunny in a dress ♪
♪ Bunny on a porch ♪
♪ Bunny hugging George ♪
♪ Bunny with Biden ♪
♪ Bunny looks frightened ♪
♪ Bunny is Spicer ♪
♪ Bunny took Pfizer ♪
♪ Bunny looking basic ♪
♪ Bunny needs Lasik ♪
♪ Bunny wants kisses ♪
♪ Bunny is complicit ♪
♪ If Bunny tells all ♪
♪ Then Donnie might fall ♪
♪ So give hush money ♪
♪ To the White House Bunny ♪
We have a great show.
The Jonas Brothers are here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Chloe Bailey is joining us,
and we've great magic with the Foodie Magician here tonight.
Stick around, we'll be right back with thank you notes.