Hey Steve, it's Thursday, and I'm sitting in my backyard because these are the last
days in Phoenix where this is going to be possible.
So here we are.
We're fully into the Paschal season, and that means meat on meat on meat...
Although I haven't been to In-and-Out yet, which, frankly, is a crime.
Alright, let's answer questions.
Question one, do I ever feel like a minor character in God's story?
All the time, and frankly, thank God.
Because the reality is, I am a minor character.
I mean, in a sense, we're all minor characters because the story isn't really about us.
The story is God's story.
It's about how God has acted to save his people.
He's the one that the story's about.
Not me.
If I'm invited into that story in any way, it's only to participate in what God is already
doing in the world.
I think that sometimes my worst moments come when I start to think that I'm more important
than I really am.
And when this happens, that's when I start thinking that the story is actually about
me.
And in those cases God actually becomes the minor character in my story.
He becomes a kind of cosmic "ask Jeeves" when I need something.
And when I don't get what I want, or God doesn't act that the way I think that He should, then
it can even feel like He's more of an antagonist in my story.
So, in fact, remembering how small I am, remembering that my life is but a blip on the radar of
what God is doing in the world, that keeps it in perspective.
But I don't mean a blip in the sense that I don't matter at all, or that I'm basically
the human equivalent of pond scum.
But rather, it speaks to me of the greatness of God's character.
That He would choose a minor character like me , and for reasons I don't understand, decide
that I'm important enough to want to include in His grand narrative.
Question two, do I strive to honor both my soul and my body?
Dude, sadly, I feel like I often neglect both of these things.
I wish that I could say that I was super disciplined about anything in my life, but the reality
is I'm not.
I don't know that I ever feel the temptation to ignore the body because I'm too busy tending
to the soul.
And I certainly never feel the desire to do the opposite.
Caring for either, caring for both, honestly, it frequently feels exhausting.
I feel like I'm doomed from the start.
So sometimes, I lose motivation to do anything at all.
I often start routines, and then fail at them a couple days in.
I might decide that I'm gonna work out every morning, and then I sleep through my alarm
one day, and everything is lost.
Or I might decide that I'm going to wake up early and pray, but then I'll fall asleep
saying the Jesus prayer, so I think "why not just sleep, and pray later?"
The amount of sustained effort that it takes to build these things is exhausting.
And so frequently, I feel like getting started is one of the most difficult hurdles I face.
Question three, what do I do when I realize that I've reached my own limits?
Mostly, I get grumpy, complain, and despair.
Usually in that order.
I usually try to not let too many things get to me, but sometimes I just can't do it anymore.
For the most part, I'm pretty understanding of others, pretty easy to get along with,
pretty willing to go along with what others want, but sometimes, I don't know, I just
can't anymore.
So sometimes I start to feel pushed aside, or dismissed, or overlooked, and of course
people aren't doing those things to me, I'm just not showing up for my own life.
So when I feel like I can't let things go anymore, when I can't be easygoing, I tend
to get upset.
So I start to complain about this or that or all the things that I feel that I can't
change, which leaves me feeling really powerless.
Which makes me feel even worse.
Powerless to change the situation, powerless to change somebody's mind, powerless to change
myself.
Our contemporary culture might try to have me believe that I can change parts of myself,
that I can look into parts of myself that have unmet needs and self-actualize on my
own potential.
But I know that doesn't work.
My powerlessness isn't just felt, it's real.
I do have limits.
When all is said and done, I am actually pretty powerless.
I have no choice but to wait for God to come and rescue me.
Once again, He's the main character in the story.
He's the hero.
But there is something that is in my power.
I can choose to confess my powerlessness, to reach out to the One Who does have the
power to save me and to heal me.
So, after I despair, I try to repent.
I ask the Lord to forgive me for depending on myself and for not learning the lessons
that he keeps trying to teach me over and over again.
I'm pretty stubborn I guess.
But I do hope that one day I can be transformed by God's grace and His love for mankind.
Because that is something in His power.
Alright Steve, that's all I got, I'll see you on Monday.