- Hey everybody, today we're gonna talk about
rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, which is very common.
And I think you'll be surprised how many mental illnesses
it is linked to.
And stick around because we are going to dig into
what it is, what it can look and feel like,
and how we can better manage the symptoms.
(smooth music)
Obviously, no one enjoys being rejected.
It's upsetting and can be emotionally painful.
But most of us are able to recover from rejection
fairly quickly
without having it affect our other relationships,
or our mental health.
We can lean on friends and family,
and our stockpile of resilience to help get us through.
But not everyone is able to bounce back like that.
And many experience what is called
rejection sensitive dysphoria,
which is an intense emotional reaction to any real,
or perceived rejection.
RSD can happen as a result of someone criticizing us,
but it can also occur
when we fail to meet our own expectations,
or feel like we have fallen short of one of our goals.
Any shortcoming pointed out by ourselves or someone else
feels extremely painful
and can cause us to lash out or shut down completely.
The symptoms we may experience are all dependent
on whether we are internalizing
or externalizing the pain that we feel.
And this may differ from one situation to another.
If we externalize this dysphoria, we can lash out in a rage
at those who have said or done hurtful thing.
In a way, because we feel so hurt or vulnerable,
we puffer fish to the max to keep people away
and help us feel safe and okay again.
We can also seek revenge
on those who have caused us that pain.
And on the flip side, if we internalize the upset,
we can feel anxious, depressed, hopeless, and even suicidal.
Many with RSD, talk about feeling a lot of shame
for all the people that they have let down,
or even humiliated that they've even let it happen at all.
And because interacting with people is one of the main ways
that we can feel or experience rejection,
those of us with RSD can struggle to go out at all
or meet with anyone, preferring to stay home alone,
'cause it's technically safer,
which can lead to a misdiagnosis of social phobia
or social anxiety, as well as depression;
and in some cases, even agoraphobia.
Af we're forced to be out of our home
and in social situations a lot
because of our work or maybe our family,
we can become people pleasers
as a way to try and minimize the likelihood
that someone will reject us in any way.
In one article I read,
they mentioned that this constant people pleasing
can lead to us putting on a show for others,
acting in a way that we think they will like and admire.
But because we fear rejection so intensely,
we can find ourselves putting on the show all day every day
and end up losing a sense of ourselves,
like what it is we like and don't like.
We only know how to make sure everyone else is happy
so that we don't experience any feelings of rejection.
As a result of our RSD,
we can also refrain from trying new things
for the fear that we will fail or let someone down
or not be able to complete the task.
This can affect our ability to move up at work,
start a new relationship, try a new sport,
or learn anything new that can't be learned solo.
If it could be because vulnerable
to critique our possible failure,
we will find ourselves avoiding it at all costs.
RSD has been linked to ADHD, OCD,
childhood trauma, eating disorders, anxiety, depression,
and autism spectrum disorder, just to name a few.
And there are some hypotheses about why that is,
many tying the sensitivity
to hurtful messages we received as children;
not feeling like we fit in or that we were good in school.
And when it comes to abuse,
we know how that can erode at our self-worth,
make us hypervigilant to our environment,
which is easily connected to some of the symptoms of RSD.
And you might be wondering,
how is this any different from BPD,
otherwise known as borderline personality disorder,
or depression, since many of the symptoms are the same?
Well, the main differentiator
is that RSD always has a trigger:
feeling rejected in some way.
And the episodes of our anger and upset
usually resolve within a few hours,
whereas depression lasts for least two weeks
and BPD doesn't resolve that quickly either.
It can kind of go up and down one week
or a couple of days at a time.
Whatever the cause or link, let's dive into it ways
that we can better manage the symptoms,
because it's extremely upsetting
and it can affect our ability
to do that things we need to do each day.
And when it comes to therapy,
the best options available are CBT and DBT,
otherwise known as cognitive behavioral therapy
and dialectical behavior therapy.
CBT works because it will help us recognize
some of our unhelpful
and downright negative thought patterns,
can also dig into our beliefs
and work with us to change them.
If you think about it, RSD thrives on the belief
that we aren't good enough, that people don't like us,
and we won't get or do better.
If we can notice those thoughts
and fight like hell to get them into a more balanced place,
the intense, emotional upset that we may be feeling
will lessen little by little.
Some of the CBT tools that can help are: thought tracking,
because we can't change them
if we don't first know what they are;
and two: playing it out to the end,
meaning that if we think through
an entire situation or event
and consider the worst case scenario,
then the best case scenario
and finally, the most likely one.
I know this can feel tedious,
but it helps us check our facts and possibilities.
And it stops our brain from always assuming the worst.
Now DBT takes all of that one step further
by also offering some emotion regulation skills.
One hugely impactful tool is taking care of our basic needs
so that we aren't as vulnerable to our emotions.
This means that we use the HALT acronym:
checking in to see if we are hungry,
angry,
lonely,
or tired.
Also considering the story of our emotions.
Where did it come from?
What triggered it?
Where was I, and what time was it?
What was my action urge?
Like, di I lash out? Stuff it down?
What emotion was I feeling?
Doing this can slow things down
and help us look back on past upsets,
and hopefully better understand them
so that we can possibly choose to act differently next time.
I know therapy work is hard,
but I'm telling you, it's the best way
to make lasting change in your life.
However, when I was researching this, and don't worry,
I've linked all articles that I read and used
in the description down below.
But anyways, many of the psychiatrists
in those research articles
talked about the effectiveness of two medications
that were actually created to help lower blood pressure.
But they have seen them be successfully utilized
to help those of us with RSD symptoms.
And those two medications are: number one,
Guanfacine or Intuniv, and Clonidine or Kapvay.
And I might be saying those wrong.
But just know that there are other options out there,
since therapy can take some time.
And of course, please consult your doctor
before considering any medication changes,
and ask them any and all questions you have
about the medication, so that you can decide
if it's the right treatment for you.
I hope you found this helpful.
It was really interesting to look into this.
But if you have other experiences
or thoughts about rejection sensitive dysphoria,
please leave those in the comments down below,
and I will see you next time; bye.
(smooth music)