There is a reason why in cultures that practice ritual sacrifice,
no one was mortified
when people were sacrificed in ritualistic ceremony.
There's a reason why in the 11th century,
no one thought anything was out of order
when people didn't use forks,
because it was considered blasphemous.
There's a reason why people found it normal in ancient rome
to wear an erect and often winged penis around their neck
to represent one of their gods,
in the same way that christians of today wear a cross.
There's a reason that in the middle ages and even longer,
really before germ theory came along,
the people supported the practice
that surgeons not clean and sterilize their surgical equipment.
In fact, a surgeon could be fined or get locked up for doing so.
There's a reason that no one found it odd or upsetting
that in all of europe by the 1600s
over half of all women
sent their babies away at birth, to be nursed by other women.
Even higher class wet nurses, sent their own babies away
to be nursed by poorer wet nurses.
Up to 80 percent of them died in their infancy,
most on route to their wet nurses,
who often lived far away.
There's a reason that no one thought anything
of a pregnant woman smoking and drinking alcohol in the 1950s.
Do you want to know what this reason is?
Because it was normal.
To generalize,
human beings tend to acclimatize to and accept
anything that they are chronically exposed to.
This is even more true when we are children.
Whatever we experience as common in our environment,
becomes our idea of normal.
What is normal?
Normal is whatever conforms to a standard,
whatever is usual, typical or expected.
The thing is,
normal is no measure of health.
This is why that quote from krishnamurti,
which is so brilliant,
is so in need of listening to.
"It is no measure of health
to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Normal can become a blinder through which we see the world.
It can be a way of staying in denial,
remaining unconscious
and never being able to heal or progress.
A critical part of becoming aware and also of progressing,
is to clearly see cause and effect.
This is a necessary precondition to deciding what needs to change.
How to create improvement.
Here's the thing you guys,
I am making this video on normalization,
well aware
that me making a video on this,
is still not going to change the way that you see things.
It's not going to change the fact that you still
are going to tell yourself the story
that what happened to you and in your life
is normal.
So many,
I mean so many
of the things that had a profound negative
and even a profound positive impact on you
you don't even recognize,
you don't even notice,
you don't even think are important.
Why?
Because in your reality,
they're "normal".
If you see something as normal,
it will not stand out as important,
It will not stand out as notable,
you are going to completely overlook it.
But this tendency to normalize things,
can go so far beyond this basic human tendency
to decide that something is not out of alignment
just because it is the norm,
it can become a super dysfunctional coping mechanism.
When we normalize something,
we can avoid the pain that might be involved
with seeing something as not right and not good
For example,
imagine that in our childhood it was common and typical
for both parents to be away from home all day working.
Because it was normal,
we don't see the emotional neglect we suffered.
By normalizing it,
we don't see that emotional neglect
had a profound effect on our psyche.
For example, we don't see how it has led to the pattern
of selecting unavailable partners as an adult
and ending up so depressed and lonely,
that we're on psychiatric meds.
Because it was normal,
we don't see how unhealthy our societal structure is.
So we do nothing to change it.
We don't have to see that our parents hurt us,
so we don't have to acknowledge any rupture
between ourselves and them.
This means, we can follow in their footsteps.
Thus validating what they did with us,
which establishes closeness,
we can get through christmas
as if we have a perfectly normal functional family,
which means no family conflict...
We can stay in denial about the whole thing.
But the problem is, the effect is still there.
We just can't attribute it to a cause,
much less the correct cause.
By the way,
if you want to learn more about emotional neglect,
because this is a big thing that's being normalized by people today,
watch my video titled:
Today's Great Epidemic (And How To Cure It)
Normalization can also serve as a social control tactic.
Let's say that somebody is in distress
because of something that they're encountering.
If we want to desensitize them
and get them to agree with us and accept it,
all we've got to do is normalize it.
This is how the normalization of deviance can come about.
Now it might be tempting to think that normalization is something,
when it's used in this capacity as a control technique,
something that's only done by really abusive people
or by perpetrators and their victims...
Sociopaths...
That's not actually the case.
In fact, normalizing things
is a strategy that politicians use,
it's a strategy the teachers use,
it's a strategy that, first and foremost, your parents love to use.
It's a personal favorite tactic for parents to use
to justify their behavior.
How many of you
have tried to maybe confront your parents
about something that might have happened or might have hurt you,
to only have them retort something like this:
"Every parent did that with their children,
for god's sakes,
you got more than most children ever got.
That's normalization,
also minimization.
Okay, so, one thing you've got to get is that
minimization goes hand in hand
a lot of times, with normalization,
to create a sandwich of lack of awareness.
To minimize something is to downplay the significance of it.
When you use minimization against yourself,
it's a form of self-deception.
You do it to avoid acknowledging and dealing with negative emotions
and painful beliefs associated with them,
by reducing the severity and negative impact
and importance of the events
that gave rise to those emotions and beliefs.
You also do it to avoid interpersonal conflict.
It allows us to rationalize and justify and negate.
When it comes to normalization,
our favorite way to minimize is through comparisons.
Things like this,
and I hope you see yourself in this statement:
"Well, you know, like, I went through the normal stuff,
I mean, it's not like I was one of those kids
that came from like an alcoholic home,
it wasn't like anybody hit me,
it's not like I came from one of those countries
where kids work in freaking sweatshops."
"Come on Teal, I didn't go through something like you did."
That's minimization through comparison.
And by the way, when you're doing that,
you're "normalizing" your experience.
When you normalize it,
you don't see anything as standing out as significant,
when it actually did have severe negative impact on you.
When someone does this to you,
meaning normalizing and minimizing,
it's gaslighting.
It's a form of invalidation,
manipulation and even abuse.
If you want to learn about gaslighting,
you can watch my video titled:
Gaslighting (What is Gaslighting and How To Heal From It)
Normalization makes the process of becoming aware of,
acknowledging and creating a change to a pattern,
impossible.
And when it comes to personal growth,
minimization is a favorite tool of resistance.
I would be rich beyond measure,
in my line of work,
if I got money every time
I was trying to make somebody aware
of the actual and true negative impact of something they experienced
and they answered with something like this:
"Well, I mean, it's not like I was getting raped
or starving to death like some other kids."
Or:
"It's not like it was that uncommon,
I mean,
everyone I knew had that same experience."
Anytime a person normalizes in front of you,
or anytime you normalize,
I want you to imagine
that the very thing that needs to be resolved
is popping up
and you or the person who is doing the normalizing,
looks at it and goes:
"Now, that's not it",
and stuffs it underneath the floorboards.
There is an expectation that if something is normal,
and if everyone is doing it,
or if that's just the way things are done,
then it must be right or good.
This tendency to equate what is normal
with what is good or right, can be very very dangerous.
There is also an expectation that if something is normal,
it will not have a negative effect on someone.
I want you to think about that for a minute,
because there may be a lot of people who have normalized things to you.
They say things like:
"Well, everybody was going through that",
as if somehow the fact that everybody experienced that,
made it so that there was no negative impact of that thing.
You guys,
if somebody takes a knife and cuts you open,
it doesn't matter if that's something that 14 people experienced,
or one person experiences,
you've still got a wound and you're still bleeding.
Just because something is normal,
does not make it right and does not make it good.
And when I say this,
I don't want you,
those of you who are into awareness,
to start to get into an argument with me
about the overall objective concepts of right and good.
We already know they are philosophically weak.
This is using right and good
for the sake of communication.
Just because something is normalized,
does not mean that it is right and does not mean that it is good.
It was normal to own slaves.
Is that right and good?
And just because something was the norm or is the norm,
Does not mean that the negative impact of that thing
somehow does not exist.
In other words,
the law of cause and effect is in order
regardless of whether or not something is common.
So here's some bad news,
but will also be good news, once you realize it:
Everything you experience regardless of how normal it may be
absolutely affected the trajectory of your life.
You must recognize cause and effect.
Things you would at face value write off as insignificant,
can be the very traumas that are ruining your life today.
Instead of normalizing it,
you need to see the actual impact of things
like being weaned,
new siblings being born,
the punishment rewards style of parenting,
being one of 30 kids in a classroom,
being expected to do what pleases your family
no matter what you truly want.
Not having certain emotional needs met,
growing up with a single parent,
being teased,
eating processed foods...
Or anything else that might be "normal"
in this day and age.
You will never be able to heal
what you cannot consciously acknowledge and feel and change.
You will also never be genuinely aware,
if you simply accept something
or to the contrary, simply write it off
because it is "normal".
It might just be beneficial to ask yourself
and really put some thought into the following:
"What if this thing I think is normal,
really isn't?"
"And what would be so bad,
and what would it mean
if this thing I consider normal,
is really not right, not good and not okay?"
And never ever forget
that those things you don't bat an eye at today,
because they're so normal,
might just be the very things
that cause the people in the future
to look back at you in absolute horror.
Have a good week.
If you liked this video,
be sure to share it, like it and also subscribe to my channel
so you can see more content like this.
But I want to personally thank you for taking the initiative
and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness
Not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com