Hey, you need this?
Oh yeah, thanks. Good work today, Steve.
[phone vibrates]
Let's get dinner tonight. Can you pick? I don't care where.
I've heard those words before...
Always an ordeal...
Never ending well. "We always go there!"
"Just pick one!"
"Anything but that."
"But everything is closing!" *Groan*
I'm starving. What are you doing for dinner?
Not now, Steve!
What should we eat? What should we eat?
What should we eat, what should we eat? What should we eat? *Gasp of realization*
Hey!
So did you pick a place?
Even better. You did.
What? How is that possible?
Because I finally learned how to answer the most difficult question a couple has to face every day.
"What do you want to eat?" You see, in the past, no matter how many suggestions
I give you, you reject all of them! We debate for hours and hours! Sometimes to the point.. where I go hungry.
But not tonight. I've got a plan that's gonna figure out exactly what we want to eat for dinner with zero stress and 100% satisfaction.
How long will this take?
Have a seat!
Let's start with this.
What is that?
It's a fortune from Panda Express. See, I know you're always craving their orange chicken and their honey walnut shrimp.
It's like your comfort food.
And what's more comforting than a fortune cookie which you always end the meal with?
I always ask for two.
But when I was dropping off our dry cleaning this morning,
I was checking pockets, and I found this fortune in the pants you wore to work yesterday, so I'm guessing you just had Panda. Not surprised.
Okay, but what does that have to do with tonight?
Well, do you remember what your fortune said?
Uh, something about having to smile soon.
Exactly, and smiling made you think of "cheese!" and cheese made you think of cheeseburgers, and judging by the extra burger shack napkins that you
have in your purse over there...
I'm guessing that's what you had for dinner yesterday.
How did you...
Ah!
But, while you were eating your burger, you immediately started to crave something else. Mexican food. Why? Because as you were eating, you started to think...
why is it called a hamburger if...
If there's no ham in it. Seriously, why?
Ham, pig, pork, you wanted a carnitas bowl, which is what you have for lunch today.
But something was missing. Say ah.
Ah?
No avocado.
But you love avocado. You would never pass up a chance to add avocado to a meal. Unless it was overpriced.
Why pay two dollars...
For a half an avocado you can get two for the price of one. You're so frugal.
It's basic economics.
But that left you craving avocados all day. You still had to seize your omega-3s, which leads us to the obvious answer.
Betsy's Diner for their famous cobb salad, avocado included.
Sounds great! Let's go there.
Sure, we could go there, except after you finish your salad, you would start munching on my chili fries,
and then you would begin to complain that you're eating too unhealthy,
considering that you're trying to slim down in order to look "hotter than the other bridesmaids" at Teresa's wedding next month.
Wait! I never told you that.
You also never told me that you had the answer to our dilemma this entire time.
I do?
Yep.
We've been watching nature documentaries this whole week. Tonight was gonna be about the salmon migration. Which, as I suspected,
you started without me.
After spawning, all Pacific salmon die and the salmon life cycle starts again.
Okay. So what? I got a head start.
What does it have to do with dinner?
Well, all you can think about right now is salmon skin rolls and sashimi. Therefore, sushi buffet!
Great! Let's do that.
But! There was a small earthquake on the Izu Peninsula that affected a nearby nuclear plant, causing it to leak into local streams
contaminating all farms of
Eutrema japonicum
Huh?
Also known as
wasabi. You'd see a clickbait video about the contamination on the way to the buffet and be afraid of getting sick.
I'd then suggest not risking it, because well, we're out of toilet paper.
You forgot to buy toilet paper.
You know how bad my memory is. My point is
why go out and risk nuclear wasabi poisoning when we could save money and cook a delicious meal right here at home?
Sure fine, but what will we make?
Obviously, my famous chicken carbonara that you love so much.
Actually, that sounds great.
But we're out of eggs
[chicken cluck]
You forgot to buy eggs, too
It doesn't matter.
Because you wouldn't want pasta anyways, because when we eat pasta we always pair with wine. My chicken carbonara recipe uses breast meat, and everyone
knows that white meat goes best with white wine, like a sauvignon blanc, which I also didn't buy,
but at home, all we have is red wines. And I'm not about to serve white meat with a Zinfandel!
So I was gonna go to the grocery store to buy toilet paper, eggs, and a perfectly dry Chardonnay, until I remembered that it's been
exactly three years since September 2014, the last time the sun emitted a significant solar flare,
which has since ever so slightly affected soil temperatures in the Burgundy region of France. Which,
undoubtedly, would ruin any recent production of our favorite brand of wine.
What!?!
Are you crazy? I just asked you to pick a place to eat. Why are you making it so complicated?
It should be black and white. It shouldn't be this hard!
Exactly!
Huh?
What's the opposite of hard?
Easy? No, soft. What's black, white, and soft?
Told you I had a plan.
Orange chicken and honey walnut shrimp always hit the spot. Thanks, babe. But next time, let's just go with our first instinct.
Hey, I guess your fortune was right.
What do you want for dessert?
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Not now Steve!
It's Chris.
Hey everyone, hope you guys liked that video. It was definitely inspired by true events. Why is it so difficult to decide what to eat?
Thank you so much to Panda Express for partnering with us.
We're actually doing a really fun contest with them where we're gonna be bringing a few special fans
Panda Express right to their door. All you have to do is on social media use Twitter or an Instagram.
Show us in a fun way what gives you comfort, and use the hashtag my kind of comfort.
It could be a picture of your mom. It could be a gif of your pets.
Just get creative. All the details are down below. We can't wait to bring you some Panda. See you guys next time. Bye!