At the time I was going through heartbreak but I felt really optimistic
about my future and music and upcoming things that I just thought you know if I
don't have this person anymore at least I've still got me.
I wrote it with Matthias Mora and when I went to his studio I told him I was like I just
feel really sad. I'm fighting with this guy and he was like, "look, no judgment let's
sit down. Let's write it." And if you listen closely you can really actually
hear me crying.
I broke my back 'cause I thought you would too
He wasn't meeting me halfway. At least he might argue differently, but according to
my account of things I was the only one breaking my back.
I'd run in circles
I thought you would too.
I just felt like I was always freeing my schedule making
sure that things were the way they needed to be for this person to feel
comfortable like I was running in circles. Once again he wasn't doing that
for me and I was like, "Damn, I need to rethink this."
Maybe in another life
It's a reference to my favorite Katy Perry song, "In another life, I would be your girl."
Oh my God, like maybe in a parallel universe you and that person made it
Everything worked out alright and things that made this harder passed us by.
We were caught up, cheap emotions like jealousy and insecurity. Little things
that could have been communicated like, damn, I probably didn't have to be so
jealous over that one girl. Or you probably could have called me back like
we wouldn't be here. Like you know, so this is like little things just kept
adding up and made everything a lot harder to deal with.
But there's no bad dream to wake up from.
Know I got it bad when it's the morning and you're all that's on my mind.
The morning is so lonely during your breakup.
If I don't have you, at least I'll still have me.
If you don't have that person along to watch you become a better person, like it's fine like you
still have you and you're still going to go on.
I never thought twice because you were my number one.
I put you first 'cause
you were my only thought.
This person was my number one priority. I have music and
then someone that I love and that's kind of how I live my life.
No more riding on
that train. No more smoking in the alley. Now my secrets only stay with me.
I went to college in Chicago, met this person in class, taking the L every day. Smoking
after school. You know you get into rituals with someone. I can't ride the L
without thinking of him and I don't smoke often because I don't want to
think about that.
Everybody knows I'm upset. They don't even have to ask it.
They know I believed in us last week.
When you believe in something and you're
telling everybody about it and you just like talking so great about someone and
then they turn around and disappoint you. And then you have to go back and be like
"Just kidding, I was wrong!" Like that's such a mortifying feeling.
I think that's why I'm nervous to put my relationships online because
then there's no explaining if something goes wrong.
There's no reason to speak
badly we just reached our end.
I've tried probably 20 different times to write a
mean song about this person and for whatever reason I can't. But I think it
just comes down to we're all different people living our lives. Just because him
and I didn't work out doesn't mean he's a bad person, no.
I will see you in parts of me, in who I was back then
No matter what like like he's Italian like every time I make spaghetti
I don't know how long that's gonna last, but I see him in that part of me.
The spaghetti-eating part.