Hi it's Stephan Erdman here.
In the last video: cynicism major obstacle for many guys to get success with women.\'a0\
Defined it as: general negativity: won't work, people are badly intentioned, selfish, can't
be trusted\ With the end result being: no action.
No trust in others who you could learn from.
Becoming unattractive to women because of your negative and closed attitude.\
Easiest way to show you how to deal with it so that it doesn't stop you from getting what
you want might be to tell you my own experience in dealing with it.\
Lets talk about how I helped myself to overcome cynicism or at least to manage it and be aware
of it.\ Often it can be helpful to understand the
purpose of sth to get a handle on it.
so what was the purpose Of my cynicism?
stop myself from getting hurt, wasting energy, looking stupid , getting rejected\'a0\
I didn't take action.
So I was frustrated but at least I was avoiding potential risks.\
Where did this cynicism come from?\ Cynicism sometimes came from bad experiences
or perceived bad experiences or failures then I'd generalise and say: because this woman
reacted badly it means that women don't like to be talked to by men.
Because one dating coach is a sleaze bag they probably all are.\
Then cynicism helped me to\'a0Absolve myself of responsibility\
2.
\'a0By generalising and making others bad or wrong or untrustworthy I was making myself
feel sort of morally superior and rationalised \'a0my inaction.\
2.5 one day I realised that I was using this cynicism as a way to deflect from my own responsibility
for why things weren't working out for me.\ It was easier to say : "meeting women in a
club doesn't work because they're just after free drinks and anyone who says its easy is
just trying to bullshit me"\ Than to admit that maybe I wasn't very good
at it.\ After all: The easiest way to stop myself
from making myself vulnerable was to say that other people were wrong, had selfish motives
and couldn't be trusted easily.\ (Which we have defined as a major factor in
being cynical)\ 3 one day I got real with myself i realised
that i basically was depriving myself of the longer term benefit of a better life by indulging
in cynicism \'a0because yes it made me feel clever or superior but it kept me stuck because
I wasn't taking any action towards the goals I had.\
So I was trying to solve this riddle for myself.
And I finally realised the underlying problem that stopped me from seeing this clearly before.\'a0\
I had always had this misguided idea in my mind that my motives were somehow better than
other people's.\ It was a great way to make myself feel somehow
morally superior when I felt like a failure or things didn't work out the way I wanted
them to work out.\ But then one day when I was having an honest
moment I realised how I was motivated: I wanted what's best for me in my perception\
4.
I realised that its the same for everyone.
Wverybody wants what they perceive as best for them.\'a0\
\ It's neither good nor bad.
It just is.\ 5.
There is no selfish and selfless.
Thats just a way of labelling other people for those watching.
It helps you to feel morally superior but it also blocks you from seeing the underlying
process.\'a0\ Everybody is motivated to do or get what they
perceive in their self interest\ According to who they are, how they grew up,
their values how enlightened they are about their needs...\
\ In detail in6 week dyc challenge.\
\ 6.
Some people are more evolved or smarter about what they perceive to be best for themselves
and others are less smart or evolved.\ But it's still all self interest in the end.\
And that's as it should be.
Without it we would not survive as a human race.\
\ Examples: mother Theresa,\'a0catholic nun\'a0\
she a girl that's
in love with you, she's in love with you because of how you make her feel and how she expects
to feel with you in the future,\
it's the same for you...It's the same for me\
When I understood this the defense mechanism of cynicism loosened and lost importance.\
It wasn't in my best interest to be cynical anymore...\
So I practised reminding myself that everyone wants what they perceive as best for themselves
(just like me) and that the key was to be enlightened about my self interest.\
What it did was it made me more open, learn from others, understand situations much better,
stop judging others so much.
Whether I can trust someone or not is not an issue anymore.\
I just trust that they want what they perceive as what's best for them.\
And you realise how enlightened and wonderful so many people are in the world.\
Of course, understanding where it comes from is great, awareness leads to change.
And once I understood that cynicism was basically my defence mechanism to protect myself from
perceived risk or feeling bad I could notice it when it came up.
And I can look beyond it.\ But the best way to really knock cynicism
aside is to teach yourself that things can work out.
That people are just trying to make themselves happy in the best way that they know.\
And that you can do best by doing your best to feel good and take action towards what
you want.\ Learn from others where you can.
know that more often than not we underestimate our ability to learn and grow and change.\
It's been my own personal obsession to become free and confident to do what I really want
without holding back in any situation and I managed to make massive changes.\'a0\
If you want to learn more from me about how I did it and how you can do it too then check
out the 6 week double your confidence challenge program.
\'a0It's got the most effective and easy to do methods I've found in my own journey to
become truly confident to do what you really want in your life...\
It is really great when you feel free and confident to do what you feel like.
I definitely recommend it.\'a0\ You end up very rarely getting distracted
with judging others or getting negative because you're too focused on confidently going after
your own goals.\ And that's a great place to be in.\
Anyway hope this was useful and thought provoking.
Share your thoughts and share this video If you think it might help others.\'a0\
And if you want more from me about getting after what you want and getting confident
and drop cynicism\'a0\ Then follow the link to the 6 week dyc challenge.
And of course my other programs are there for you too, including the 57 ultimate confidence
methods, pimp your lingo advanced conversation skills for men and approach at will.\'a0\
Bye speak to you soon\ }