our next guest i think this is third is this your third collection of stuff huh fourth collection
of stuff i you know i believe i've read them all we'll talk about it when you come out here
he's a very funny man and uh you can frequently hear the guy on public radio on the
author of three best-selling books including his latest me talk pretty one day here's david sedaris
all right this one i've read enjoyed it immensely thank you naked i've read that
also enjoyed it immensely what am i leaving out the santa diaries uh holidays on ice
which you read and enjoyed immensely and uh barrel fever oh yeah yeah all very good
it's it's great as you probably know it's very funny uh observational essays and and biographical
information it just couldn't be more entertaining thank you how you been okay tell people why you
live in france some of the time i moved to france two years are you from originally north carolina
sure and then i lived in new york for 10 years and i moved to france for the smoking because that's
it's heaven heaven for a heavy smoker you can you get dirty looks there if you don't smoke and
when americans go to restaurants and they say we wanted the non-smoking section the waiter just
takes the ashtray off their table and says there you are the non-smoking section great
and then so i moved there for the smoking and just stayed for the health care really which is
you can i was in the hospital i had a kidney stone so i was in the hospital too much i understand
that's very painful it really really hurts um and i went and i was uh in the emergency room
on a demeral drip and the the nurse said can we get you anything else and i said ashtray and they
brought me an ashtray and then i realized there's no point in ever returning to the united states
and it's so cheap too so here on the demerol drip enjoying a cigarette in the hospital
watching an episode of charlie's angel stubbed into french
but it's i went to the i was in the emergency room with the kidney stone
and i was the one who brought it up and i said so where do i go to pay and they said oh
you can pay the next time you come in really never asked to sign anything my god and it costs
i went to a dermatology hospital to have like a hideous growth removed from my face
at 25 please it costs more to see a movie than it does to have a blood test
really if i had like a heart transplant it would cost 17 17 wow
do you speak french i talked like yoda is what i i went to school i've studied french right
i studied it yeah then i've i've been in the united states for a month and i imagine all the
shopkeepers in my neighborhood saying where's that nice [ __ ] fellow because i i just
like i'd be in the butcher shop and i would say
lord they had uh cavs brains at the butcher but
i didn't the word slit my mind so i could say are those the thoughts of cows
i can talk but there's usually it comes a point when i have no idea what's being said to me
and like i went back to the doctor to have my kidneys x-rayed and the nurse said come
come follow me and then she said undress to your underwear which was a phrase that i knew and she
said something else i'm sorry but a phrase you knew i got this medical it's in a phrase book
and it's common and you're all right that's fine so uh she brought me into a little room
and told me to undress to my underwear and then she said something i didn't quite catch and then
she came a few minutes later and called me out and i walked into a room of about 40 or 50 people
and i was the only one in my underwear everybody was everybody was fully dressed and i imagine the
second part of her sentence was something pivotal like there's a robe on the back of the door
i didn't catch it
now
would you mind telling the story uh about your your sister and your father and you
and your sister wearing the fat suit oh my dad is just obsessed with my sister's
weight all of my sisters how is her weight generally amy weighs
gosh maybe a hundred pounds so there's not really anything there to worry about she's fine no but i
have other sisters too and then he's the sort of person that you know he would he'd call you on the
phone and say your voice sounds fat you know he's he's like that he's nervous about it yeah and uh
so amy got a fatty suit but she couldn't afford the whole thing this is the thing with padding and
yeah you're loaded up so you look like 250 pounds yeah but she couldn't afford the whole thing so
she just got the bottom so she has that kind of body where you're slim from the waist up and
you look like two people fused together in a horrible experiment and so she wore it home
on the plane and my father just went nuts just absolutely went nuts and she said i just all
i had was like for danish on the plane i haven't leave me alone leave me alone about it but really
it looked like the back of her pants looked like a beanbag chair that's how big it was
and she kept that thing on until her legs were chafed until my father was begging and
that's his big thing he has huge great faith in that duke rice diet
um he wanted to send her there too and he was he confiding in you that she had a problem
and you needed to help straighten her out we tried to keep it from her and he tried
and he did keep it from her for about two seconds but that rolling really makes problems worse
if you keep on top of somebody for something like that then really and if she actually did
have a body like this it would just be exactly what he deserved for riding for all of her life
you have plans for the 4th of july i'm going to the periodontist on the 4th of july
it's just it's just a tuesday in france it's just another day oh that's right
so uh
on the fourth of july like when people are picnicking
a doctor is going to take a scalpel and cut my gums and scrape the i have this gum disease my
own fault right for for smoking lots of cigarettes and so i read about this gum disease and i went
to the periodontist and i said does this mean i have to quit and she said don't be dramatic
it's a whole different deal all different deals this is doing very well for isn't it
me talked pretty one day this gentleman is david sedaris nice to see you sir thanks for being here