Speak up!
Say how you feel, but say it in your voice, and I think people will be really receptive to that.
It will definitely be worth it.
Factors that inhibit speaking up
are definitely group-think, you don't want to go against the grain when you know
everyone is really excited about a certain idea
and everyone's sold in, you don't want to be
the person who always looks really negative and is trying to do the right thing,
or the goody two-shoes.
I think what makes it difficult for me to speak up is when I feel like
I don't have the platform to speak up.
If someone comes at me with a lot of force and has really thought through what they're saying,
and I don't have a response to it,
but I still kind of get that icky factor, I can see myself
probably making a decision that wasn't smart.
It's always easier to say things we've said before.
Think about a speech you may have given or a class presentation you did.
If you practiced it in advance in front of a mirror
or with friends or family as your audience,
you were able to identify the phrases
that needed to be re-written,
the passages where you wanted to go slowly for emphasis,
the places where you were less sure of yourself
and maybe needed to spend a little more time.
And if your practice audience provided you with encouragement
as well as constructive feedback, that was all the more helpful.
I make notes on what I want to say
because that helps me really have a clear message
and not be swayed or get off track.
I also call someone — usually my sister
and talk it over with her, "How does this sound?
Does it sound offensive? Am I being mean?"
Because I always want to have it come from a really good place.
I think going in blind is a terrible idea…
from personal experience.
If I'm not confident,
there is a very large level of nervousness and
almost apprehension that I feel.
So if I'm confident I really do believe that I can do anything.
If we literally rehearse our responses to values conflicts,
we're not only more likely to express ourselves effectively,
we're more likely to speak up at all!
We've heard ourselves uttering the words,
we've found a way of expressing ourselves that feels natural to us,
we've considered the best context for the conversation:
When?
Where? With or without others in the room?
And so on…
Because I came from the oil and gas industry and,
you have those pressures you have...
because people are paying a lot of money for those —
for the equipment you're using.
So there's a lot of of emphasis on getting things done quickly.
And in trying to achieve that you tend to…
I mean, how would I put this nicely—
You tend to cut corners and do things you typically shouldn't do.
For example, I worked with a service company that was very strict on procedures,
I mean, on paper they were very strict with procedures,
but in the field, to get things done you had to...
your managers wouldn't say it, but it was one of those
implied things,
but it was good until you got caught and then it became something else.
I didn't go directly to the manager because
it was one of those things, like, just observing
the protocols of the environment,
it felt like, okay, if you go up to this guy,
he will hound you, you will get...
what's the word… victimized.
So at that point, self-preservation kicked in, and it was just
put your head down, get your work done, and
when your tour is over you can leave.
If I was in an environment where the framework was…
the regulatory framework actually existed,
I probably would have spoken up.
Or if the company culture encouraged people
to speak up, it would have worked because the oil and gas industry,
it seems to be a very old,
wait-your-turn type industry,
"wisdom comes with age" type industry, so
it wouldn't have really helped my career if I had spoken up or been the
"ethical" guy.
There are situations when you
are intimidated by other people involved in the situation,
and it really helps if you have already prepared your points,
you know what you want to say,
and you've practiced about it.
It's also important to remember what we've learned from others
who've expressed their views confidently and effectively when it came to ethics.
And it's important to remind ourselves
that we don't know how our audiences will respond.
Don't assume that they are uninterested.
We can think about what context will make our audience most comfortable
and most likely to listen with an open mind,
and frame our perspective in a way that will appeal to the values
and perspectives that we share with our audience.
Most importantly: practice!
You're more likely to say those words that you've pre-scripted for yourself
and already heard yourself express.
I develop relationships with people
and that tends to help me when I have ethical... I face ethical dilemmas.
So, I think for me it's just sitting down and going through the different scenarios.
If I said this, you know, what would their position be on that?
What questions would they say to challenge me?
Or if I said X, Y, and Z, would they agree to that?
Is that something that would align with their values?
You want to know who your audience is.
You want to know what their perspective is,
why they're making that argument,
and you want to have a clear idea of whether
you will ultimately accept that argument or you will not, and why not.
Assuming positive intent on the other person,
because I think that coming in with that attitude
just makes the whole conversation a lot healthier and more productive.
The most important thing is to practice,
and to practice in front of other people and make sure that
the message you're trying to convey is being conveyed in a way that's articulate and clear,
and that I'm not driven entirely by emotion,
that I'm able to remain steady and confident in the decision I'm making.
I think the more and more you practice, the better that goes.