As a dietitian, I find that many women know what to eat, but struggle to do so as they
battle with binge eating, emotional eating, comfort eating or restrictive diets.
As the stress of trying to conceive increases, disordered eating is often exacerbated.
In today's episode of Nourish, I'm going to chat with a very special lady who herself
has been through, and come out the other end of trauma.
Stay tuned.
Welcome everyone!
Today I'm honoured to have Susan Bridgette with me, author of 'One day in Heaven'.
I read - or should I say, devoured -
Susan's book curled up on the couch in one afternoon.
Susan's story is one of heartbreak, regret and ultimate restoration.
In her teens, she experienced a sequence of events that ended in her making - well in
her words - "the worst decision of her life".
She underwent an abortion which impacted her in ways she could never have imagined.
For decades, she carried her secret with guilt and grief..
Let me warn you - it's a tear jerker!
But, there is a happy ending!
Before, I introduce Susan to you all, I'd just like to elaborate why I've brought her
in to talk about this subject.
As a dietitian my goal is to help women eat well to optimize their fertility or pregnancy,
yet over and over again I find that guilt and grief impact what women choose to eat.
On that note, let me introduce you to Susan.
Welcome Susan.
Thank-you.
So, Susan your book is such a powerful read and just really touched me heart as I said.
You describe your story as being one of trauma, followed by one of restoration.
So, could you provide us with a brief overview?
When I was 19 I had two events leading up to my other traumatic event.
And I found that those other two previous ones
plus finding out at 19 I was pregnant with an unexpected pregnancy
just took me to a place where I just couldn't function. The doctor basically said to me
We need to take you in, you need an abortion, didn't ask me if I wanted it.
And before I knew it, I was in the clinic not even knowing what an abortion really was.
And, from there, it became, after the abortion, there was a lot of trauma after it.
The post traumatic stress, which is understandable. I carried that guilt and that shame and the grief with me
for the following 40 years as a very deep secret that I'd never told anybody until writing the book.
Wow.
Are you able to describe to us, how did the abortion impact on your emotional well being.
It's something that they don't tell you when you have an abortion is
they say, look it's your body, it's okay. You know, do what you want.
But they don't tell you that it leaves lasting effects every area of your life.
It doesn't matter, little things can trigger the guilt and the grief and the shame.
And, I think what happens too, is your heart closes down a little bit
because you try to protect yourself so you can't fully give your love to people like you'd like to
So, it does impact every area and you're carrying it 24/7, it doesn't leave you
It's stuck down, deep in there and it's sort of something that becomes part of you.
Did you regain control? And if so, how on earth did you manage to get through what was for you a real trauma.
I did eventually, it's taken me 40 years, so I hope it doesn't take other people that long.
Getting back my life I suppose, the biggest step was forgiving myself.
It took a long long time. But with the help of professional people such as yourself
and some counselors and people like that I was able to work slowly and start
unpacking the layers of guilt and the grief and the trauma and just get back to a place
where I felt that I was actually a reasonable human being again,
because you do really become and feel insignificant. I did.
My journey was I felt very insignificant.
It was only that I knew I had these people that I could trust because once before I tried to reveal my story to someone
and it didn't go too well.
So finding people I could trust and they could walk with me through that journey
and people like yourself that just have empathy and compassion
and slowly you can walk out the other side but it does take a lot of work.
Especially when it has been so long
So where are you today with your journey?
Well that I think, and it's only in the last few years that,
the forgiving of myself. Writing the book itself was a healing journey.
It was really healing. It took me three years to write it. It wasn't easy to write.
Because a very emotional journey. Certain times I'd get to spots and just couldn't keep writing.
But today, I've ended up coming out the other side and I feel that
because I've let go of this deep, dark secret, it's like I've been set free.
And I've come out the other side.
I turned 60, in December, and the last two years I've learnt to paint and become an author.
And know I'm writing children's books
This was all lock down inside, it was locked up in that emotion. I was too scared
the fear that held me back from doing things I wanted to do and wanted to get out there and try.
And that was part of my journey again, it was just that fear and now I just feel free to do it
Once again. it's a bit of a journey. But it's been exciting and it's still very exciting.
That's so exciting to hear.
That again, why I wanted to bring you on today.
Because I just see this with so many of my clients, that their grief and trauma
is holding them back from being the woman that they really want to be.
Impacting upon, the way that you eat and just every part of life.
Everything.The way you mother, the way you relate to your husband and partner.
It just impacts everything. They way you look at yourself especially.
Really how you look at yourself.
Some of us are put in position where it wasn't our choice.
It wasn't something that you wanted to do, but you were made to do it.
And even if you did want to do it, it's still the after effects.
And if I can just encourage girls to seek out professional help. Just people that are compassionate and caring.
they really will come into a place of being free to be who they are intended to be.
That's a great space to leave it. So thank- you so much for joining us Sue.
Susan’s book touched me because it’s written with such honesty and vulnerability
and for years, I too, had struggled with my own secret guilt – but of a different source – that overshadowed my life.
I too, am blessed to have dealt with my shame, and have come out the other side
but I have first hand experience of how guilt can infiltrate every part of your life
and I speak to so many women who try to fill their broken heart with food
– or punish themselves with starvation.
I’d highly recommend that you grab a copy of Susan’s book. We’ll link to her details in the notes below.
And, can I just encourage you, that if you’re struggling with secret guilt,
please don’t suffer alone. Reach out. You’re not alone!