♪♪
-Wow! Nothing like first snow of the winter.
-Wow, man. The tree looks great, doesn't it?
-It's beautiful.
♪♪
-Well, want to help me carry it to the curb?
-Sure, man.
[ Chain saw buzzing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-From Studio 6B in Rockefeller Center
in the heart of New York City,
it's "The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon."
-♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
-Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests --
the co-hosts of "Queer Eye"...
JB Smoove...
comedian Matthew Broussard...
and featuring the legendary Roots crew.
-1579!
-And now, here he is!
Jimmy Fallon!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
-I love you. Thank you. Awesome!
Thank you very much. Hi. I see you. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yes. I love you! I see you. Thank you very much.
♪♪
Oh! Wow! That's the energy right there.
Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well guys, today New York City got hit
with the first big snowstorm of the year.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's always so beautiful in the morning.
Then by noon it's like walking through a frappuccino.
[ Laughter ]
Thankfully, I got to the office without a problem.
Outside I saw a guy shoveling Sixth Avenue,
and I said, "Thank you.
Thank you so much, Mr. de Blasio."
[ Laughter ]
And this was strange.
On the way in, I passed by a bunch of snowmen
on the sidewalk, and then I realized they were just people
who had been standing in line for rapid tests.
[ Laughter ]
It's not just New York, though.
A massive snowstorm also hit Kentucky,
and a bunch of cars got stuck on the highway.
Luckily, one guy seemed to be in pretty good spirits.
Watch this.
-Hey, it's Father Jim reporting live on Interstate 75.
It's pretty bad, and so we've been here now
about two and a half hours.
And thank God the bourbon fairy came by.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Thank God. The bourbon fairy. -The bourbon fairy.
-Yeah, right after that, he got a visit from the D.U.I. fairy.
[ Laughter ]
Yup, that's Father Jim from the Church of the Heavenly Buzz.
Meanwhile, I heard about a man in Texas
who was arrested after allegedly driving drunk
with a lit barbecue pit in the back of his truck.
[ Audience oohs ]
Now, in Texas, a man drunk, driving a lit barbecue,
is actually the state bird.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah. That's correct.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughs ] It's the state bird.
Let's get to some news.
The White House is finalizing plans for the Postal Service
to deliver 500 million rapid tests
straight to people's homes. Yup.
It is the first time anyone said the words "Postal Service"
and "rapid" in the same sentence.
[ Laughter ]
Asked why he chose the Postal Service,
Biden said, "I want everyone to have them before Christmas."
[ Laughter ]
Mr. President, here is my advice.
You want to get 500 million tests out
right away? Forget the post office.
Domino's.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That pizza tracker is accurate!
[ Applause ]
That's right. The White House plans to send
at-home COVID tests to Americans as soon as next week,
but not everyone knows how they work.
I've had to test a lot recently,
and so let me just break down how to interpret the results.
For example, one line means you tested negative.
However, two lines mean you tested positive.
Up next, if you get three lines, you have a new variant
and they'll probably name it after you.
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, four lines mean
you've been to Florida in the past two weeks.
And finally, if you get an X, it means
you stuck the nasal swab in the wrong hole.
I hope that helps. I --
-The wrong hole.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Hey, I read that Twitter is testing a new feature
that lets you react to other people's tweets
with a short video.
Yeah. I fell like we're a day away
from Twitter just renaming itself TwitTwok.
[ Laughter ]
But the videos are easy to post.
You just open the app, tap on the camera,
and then verify that you're not Donald Trump
or Marjorie Taylor Greene.
That's all. Very easy.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Very easy to do. Anyone can do it.
Speaking of Trump, I saw that he plans to launch
his own social-media app in February on Presidents' Day.
This is real. The app is called Truth Social.
And he said it's different than other social-media platforms.
For example, you can't send a tweet.
but you can send a...
-Bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing, bing.
[ Laughter ]
-And when you get a notification, it sounds like...
[ Horn honking ]
When asked what else is different about his app,
Trump said...
-It's tremendously big and tremendously wet.
[ Laughter ]
-When asked who can use the app he said everyone, including...
-Person, woman, man, camera, TV.
-But you can only use the app if you agree to show...
-Total respect for Donald Trump
and for Donald Trump's very, very large a-brain.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Trump actually has an account already.
Of course, the first person he followed was...
-Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia!
-He also posted his very first message. It said...
-God bless the United Shtatesh.
-There you go. Well, that's --
[ Cheers and applause ]
Should be a fun time.
Hey, listen to this.
In South Korea's presidential election,
one candidate pushed for government-funded
hair-loss treatments
and has gained the support of a lot of bald voters.
Yeah, it's the first time a politician's been praised
for staging a massive cover-up.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, according to a new survey,
on average, men rate themselves a 5.9 out of 10
on the attractiveness scale.
Women heard and were like, "Ugh. Inflation strikes again."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Good for you."
[ Applause ]
Well, get this. A group of Canadian influencers
filmed themselves partying maskless on a flight,
sparked a huge public outrage,
and now they're all stuck in Mexico
because airlines are refusing to fly them home.
Yeah. What better way to teach someone a lesson
than forcing them to spend more time in Cancun?
[ Laughter ]
"These frozen drinks are for you guys, too, you knuckleheads!
Learn your lesson. Never do that again.
Bottomless margis."
Finally, a man in Nebraska took an at-home DNA test
and was surprised to find out he has 18 half-siblings.
-[ Audience oohs ] -He was shocked.
Mostly because he thought he was taking a COVID test.
Yeah, it was an at-home DNA test,
so he can't be sure they're his siblings
until the PCR results come back. We have a great show.