- Today, we find out what you're doing
when no one's looking.
- Let's talk about that.
(gentle upbeat music)
Good Mythical Morning.
- We all use embarrassing personal products, right?
- Maybe.
- Some for hygiene, some for other reasons.
Things that we would be mortified to have the public know
we keep in our homes, let alone actually witness us using.
- Well, this kind of makes me think about the fact
that you have multiple times admitted
that you below dry yourself.
- Yeah.
- After you get out of the shower
and this involves bending over.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You gotta bend over.
I'm fine with talking about it
because I'm all about removing stigma
and getting everything completely dry.
So that's what we're gonna do today.
Not get everything completely dry, but remove stigma.
We're gonna try to take embarrassing products
and see if we can get more comfortable with them
using sex appeal.
- Okay.
- It's time for "What the Heck are You Describing?
A Steamy Telenovela?
No, It's Instructions for a Crotch Scratcher
Shaped Like an Umbrella."
- Okay, can we make embarrassing products sexy
or can we at least make a fun game about it?
- I hope so. - Okay.
- This is kinda like mystery countdown theater.
- Yeah.
- But the live action version.
- This is the same buzzer.
Does it make you feel like
you're about to get really competitive?
It makes me feel that way.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a little triggering.
Okay.
Today, we've invited a few very special guests
to read the instructions
of some very private mystery products.
- Yeah.
After each step that they're reading in the instructions,
we'll be able to buzz in if we think we know the product
that the instructions they're reading is.
- Yeah.
- If we're right, we get the number of points
still on the board.
- Yes and the overall winner in the end
will get to have their very own sexy scene
in Good Mythical More.
Okay.
(gentle upbeat music)
So we're starting out with 10 points up for grabs
in this first round and points will decrease
after each step that's given.
Let's meet our first guest.
(gentle jazz music)
- Oh, hello. I didn't see you come in.
- Here we are. (laughing)
Who are you?
- Hello, I'm Reginald Cat,
the owner and proprietor of Cat Fancy magazine.
- Oh, one of my favorites.
Cat Fancy. Okay.
- Don't let me come over to your house
unless you're okay with your couch getting destroyed.
(Rhett and Link laughing)
- Yeah.
- Do you have some instructions for us?
- Oh, yeah.
Apply to the affected area up to four times daily,
usually in the morning and bedtime.
- Okay. Apply four times.
- All right.
- Before use, clean the area with mild soap and water.
Rinse well and pat dry.
- Okay. Okay.
- Remove and protect the cover from the applicator.
Then attach it.
(bell dinging)
- Applicator?
- Yes, Link?
- Okay. This is an enema.
Boy, I never leave home without one.
- Oh, I'm sorry. It's not an enema.
- What?
- [Reginald] Can I have my music come back on? Thank you.
(crew laughing)
- All right, so you get to finish that line
before I can buzz in you
- Remove the protective cover from the applicator,
then attach it to the tube.
- Applicator.
- So you get a free guess here.
- Applicator.
Tampon? Do you need to pat dry before a tampon?
(crew laughing)
- That's not right, right?
- [Rhett] Okay.
- All right. Keep reading.
We're back into this.
- Squeeze gently to fill the applicator.
- The applicator.
- Try to empty your bowel and bladder.
- [Link] Got it.
- [Reginald] Yes, Link?
- Try to empty your bowel.
- And bladder.
- Okay. I'm familiar.
Hemorrhoid cream.
- Link, for six points, lift that cloche.
- Yes!
- [Rhett] Applicator.
- Oh, this is the good stuff.
Can I have this?
- Can you apply it four times right here for us?
- Can I demonstrate?
No, no, no, no.
You definitely wanna pat dry.
No rubbing when you got those things.
Not that I have them or want to admit to it here.
- Oh, and the punishment-
- Is you have to keep reading the rest of the instructions
using the Cat Fancy man's voice.
- Lubricate the applicator.
Find your anus with your finger.
I would've gotten it at this point.
- Find your anus with your finger.
- And gently insert the applicator-
- It's a lot easier finding your finger with your anus.
- Into the rectum.
- Is that what I sound like? Oh, my God.
- Yeah. You sound just like this.
Do not apply the product high up inside the rectum.
- You don't wanna go past the boys.
- Squeeze the tube so that the ointment is applied inside.
Can I say it again? Rectum.
Thoroughly cleanse the applicator after each use
and replace the protective cover.
Avoid having a bowel movement for one to three hours
after application from the rectum.
I added that last part.
- [Reginald] Damn near killed them.
- Why did it say avoid?
It says try to empty your bowel and bladder before use.
Oh, that's what threw me off.
I thought that was a step in the process.
- As far as I'm concerned, you can empty your bowel
and bladder whenever you want to. (laughing)
(gentle upbeat music)
- All right, let's see our next guest.
- Yar.
Avast ye, land lovers.
- Hi.
- Wow.
- Hi. Tis I, Captain Matt Lieb.
(crew laughing)
This is my other job.
- Okay.
- He's also a captain.
- Where you headed?
- (blowing rasberry) Catalina? You know.
(Rhett and Link laughing)
Sometimes you just need a little break.
- [Rhett] It's a very romantic spot.
- Anyways. Wash your hands well with soap and water.
- [Rhett] Okay. It could be a lot of things.
- And do the same with the product.
If this is your first time using the product,
start with the easiest level.
- [Rhett] Easiest level?
- Take your bottom clothing off
and raise one leg on a chair
or recline on your bed with your knees bent.
(Matt groaning)
(Rhett laughing)
Use a generous amount of water-based lubricants.
(bell dinging) - What? Did you buzz?
- I did buzz.
I'm actually, this sounds more like
what you guessed the first time.
Enema. My guess is enema.
- Sorry. You are wrong.
- [Link] (laughs) I thought it was too, but-
- Everyone thinks it's an enema.
You guys got butts on the brain.
(Rhett laughing)
- Well, you're lifting one leg, so what else is down there?
- Well, you should go back to school.
(Rhett laughing)
- Keep going, Matt Lieb.
- Use a generous amount of water-based lubricant
and insert the product.
- If it's not an enema, but it's inserted.
What's it called when you put it in a? A catheter?
- Incorrect. - [Rhett] Okay.
- Both of you have no idea.
- Okay. Keep going.
- Once it's inside, put your clothes back on.
- What? - What?
- As you tighten your pelvic muscles to support it,
you might notice the product naturally pulls up
and away from your fingers as-
(bell dinging)
- Okay, I buzzed in.
Is this like one of those-
- The product put naturally pulls-
- Is it like, one of those weights?
Like if you wanna strengthen your-
- [Matt] Say it!
(crew laughing)
- Is it like a vagina weight?
- (laughing) Yeah.
- Like if you wanna strengthen your vagina?
- Oh, Rhett, Rhett, Rhett, Rhett, Rhett.
- What?
- A vagina weight.
- That is correct.
(Rhett laughing) - Oh no, what?
(bell dinging)
- [Matt] That is right for four points.
- Oh, wow.
So you need to strengthen your vagina.
The darker the berry, the heavier, the weight.
- Is it? Which part?
Is this part up?
- No, because that would be nothing, right?
No, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right.
- Because that's not a lot to hold onto.
- Yeah. (crew laughing)
Well, no, if you're super advanced,
you can just put this part in and tighten it real quick.
- Is this to treat a condition?
- Take them home and find out.
Link, as punishment, you need to read
the remaining instructions as captain Matt Lieb.
- What is this? Does this fix a problem?
Try to squeeze for a few minutes.
- Okay.
- If you're successful, relax,
remove it, and repeat the process,
moving on to the next level on the following day.
Oh, so they're different weights.
- The darker, the heavier.
- Use for 15 minutes daily, preferably during body movements
such as light household chores, showering,
and getting ready in the morning.
- Mom was sweeping and the next thing you know,
this thing was on the ground.
- Kegel weights.
- Yeah. Kehel weights, man.
- Kegel weights for no one.
(Rhett and crew laughing)
(gentle upbeat music)
- Okay. This round, seven points up for grabs.
Let's meet our next guest.
(gentle jazz music)
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.
- My name is Mildred Vanderstuffen.
- Vanderstuffen?
- Yes. You name it, I stuff it.
(Rhett and crew laugh)
What do you want?
- [Link] I just want to hear some instructions.
- You got it, toots.
- I'm just very afraid of everything.
- Oh, don't be afraid.
All right.
Wipe the tip of the tube.
Place the tube inside the first opening.
- Whoa. The first opening?
- Move the nozzle to your mouth.
Apply suction until clean.
Use a saline solution, if you find the remnants
too thick or crusty.
You know what I'm talking about.
Clean the tip of the tube, then move to the second opening.
(bell dinging)
Apply suction again.
- Okay.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. I have no clue.
- I typically call these things nostrils, I think,
maybe is what's being described.
Like, I don't know.
So I'm gonna go with it's like, a nasal flusher thing
where you're like, a sinus cleaning flusher thing.
- I'm being told that no.
- [Rhett] I'm being told that no.
- That no.
- So let me hear the rest of the current instruction.
- Clean the tip of the tube,
then move to the second opening.
Wow.
(Rhett laughing)
- To second opening.
If it's not a nose, why wouldn't they say nostril?
- And there's crusty stuff coming out?
- Oh, yes.
- I'm gonna go with a nose.
I'm gonna go with a nose sucker, like a snot sucker.
- Okay.
- You were saying going in, I'm saying pulling out.
- But you ain't no sucker because you are right.
- [Link] Oh, yeah?
- [Mildred] Oh ,yeah.
- [Rhett] Oh, yeah. It's like for babies, right?
- What is this? - [Mildred] Correct.
- The parents sucks.
- All right, you finish reading the instructions-
- Parents suck! - Using her accent.
(gentle jazz music)
- There's not much much.
There's just applied suction again until clean.
- Can you do it to yourself? I think you can.
- Well, stick one. Yeah.
What happens if you?
You might create a loop.
- Oh, my goodness.
- [Rhett] Congratulations, Link.
- How many points I get, two?
- Thank you, Stuffen. What was your name?
Name and Stuff?
- Mildred Vanderstuffen.
- [Rhett] (laughing) Vanderstuffen.
(gentle upbeat music)
- All right.
For this final round, you're down by four points.
There are 10 points up for grabs.
- Okay.
- Who do we have here?
(gentle piano music)
- Oh, hey! I didn't see you come in.
I'm Tony Cab, the sexiest cab driver in the Big Apple!
Oh, hey, come on!
- (laughs) Wow, you're really steering.
- You kind of just seemed like a cab driver.
I don't know. Where's the sexy part?
No offense.
- Trust me, I'm very sexy!
I'm generous in the bedroom.
Oh, come on!
The street's full of King Kongs over here.
(Rhett laughing)
- Too many King Kongs in this city.
- Let's hear some instructions, I guess.
- Relax! It's normal to be nervous.
If this is your first time, try listening to calming music,
practicing deep breathing, or soaking in a hot bath
to ease your muscles and your mind!
- Whoa, okay.
- Okay.
- Push the pipe into the bulb.
Squeeze it to expel air.
- Pipe-
- Submerge the tip into your prepared liquid
and release pressure on the bulb to fill slowly.
Heavily lubricate the tube and the tip.
Get into the bathtub, recline on your side,
and draw your knees up.
- Okay. (bell dinging)
- [Tony] If you don't have a bathtub-
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- So I have to guess because five points,
it's my only chance of.
So I'm assuming this is something else
you're inserting into yourself.
- While in the tub.
- You need to be relaxed.
It is an enema, I guess, technically,
because it's going into your butt hole.
I'm going to say it's a-
- This would be the third enema guess.
- I'm gonna say it's a flavored enema.
Like a scented enema.
You know, like pumpkin spice enema.
- You know what? Let's not say that.
Guess something else and let's forget you even said that,
just for me personally.
- Okay. Forget I ever said it.
Pumpkin spiced enema.
(crew laughing)
- I'm gonna ask the judges about that one
and they're saying no.
- All right. Finish the instruction.
I get a free guess.
- Get into the bathtub, recline on your side,
and draw your knees up.
If you don't have a bathtub,
lie on a towel on the bathroom floor.
- Sexy.
- Is it a douche?
- I got a clue for you.
Rhett was close, but not specific enough.
- How's that not specific enough?
All right. Keep reading.
- Gently insert the pipe into the rectum
about four inches deep.
(bell dinging)
- Okay, I have to guess again because this is only.
Now, I can just tie.
Because it's not pumpkin spice.
What flavor is it?
(crew laughing)
That's what I'm thinking.
What's the next?
- What's a more specific enema, if it's not?
- Bubble gum flavored.
(crew laughing)
- I'm sorry.
The judges aren't accepting that one.
- Okay. I guess finish this line.
I gotta guess.
I know I've won, but I wanna win fair and square.
- Gently insert the pipe into the rectum
about four inches deep.
- Four inches. That's it?
- [Tony] Yeah.
- I'm gonna go with anal douche.
- Nope. I'm sorry.
The judges are not accepting anal at this time.
(Rhett and crew laughing)
- All right. Keep reading.
- [Reginald] Kind of close minded, if you ask me.
- Wow.
- Gently squeeze the bulb to introduce the coffee solution.
(Rhett and Link groaning)
- Dang it! Coffee enema.
I was thinking that at one point.
- [Tony] That's right! - I've heard of that.
- [Tony] If you want a little cold brew up the gabbagool!
- [Link] Wow.
- Pumpkin spice.
- [Tony] Rhett, I would've given that to you,
but I'm not the judge.
- I didn't say coffee.
- [Tony] I'm just the sexiest cab driver in the Big Apple.
- Like a freaking maraca.
That's a lot of coffee.
- Is it just regular coffee here?
- So Rhett, you got three points,
but do I still pull off the win here?
- Yeah, yeah. I think you won by a point.
- All right, so I get a sexy scene
and you have to finish reading.
- [Stevie] Well actually, Link has to finish
reading the instructions.
- [Link] Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Crew Member] Specific enema coffee.
- That's enema coffee?
What happens if you make regular coffee?
- It's great with an enema croissant.
- Slowly withdraw the nozzle and wait recommended time
before evacuating bowels.
Stay close to a toilet for 30 to 60 minutes after use.
Call your doctor if you feel any pain.
- Well, congratulations, Link.
I think we're all losers today, though.
- I mean, the ingredients just says organic coffee, so.
- I'm sure you can put it in your mouth.
- This is just coffee.
It's really just this thing.
- Well, congratulations and thank you for subscribing
and clicking that bell.
You're gonna get a sexy scene in Good Mythical More, Link.
- This has been used, I think.
Does it smell?
- You know what time it is! - We're gonna go to Catalina!
- Wow.
(Rhett laughing)
- This is Dicky the Duck.
Hello!
And he likes it when it's time
to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
That's why it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
It sure is.
- Wow.
(crew laughing)
He really likes it when it's time.
- Hey, man. Hey, we're with you.
- Whatever you say.
Click the top link to watch us give sexy names
to unsexy products in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality
is gonna land.
Join us for a special live stream today,
exclusively for third degree Mythical society members.
mythicalsociety.com for details.