hi Craig hi what's up you know it's my
quest
screwattack top ten my last one ever
that's the end of our conversation yeah
that's all we're gonna say it's my last
careertech top ten
don't worry top tens aren't going away
but you can find out where I'm gonna be
going on October 10th here in a little
bit pay attention
October 10 October 10th you'll find out
where I'm gonna be I always had a bunch
of dumb [ __ ] top-10 ideas that I
couldn't make because they were really
too stupid because Craig you wouldn't
let me you suck so I thought I'd get
them all out of the way on a single list
for my final top 10 so here we go
I don't know why I always do karate but
it's the last the top 10 dumbest I'm
[ __ ] top 10 ideas it's the one and
only tactic you should really use in a
bar fight
top 10 head butts breaks out the top 10
dumb [ __ ] top 10 ideas because I
really almost made this one but it's too
[ __ ] stupid and I couldn't come up
with enough injuries I could have thrown
down Shepard head-butting Croghan
[ __ ] in Mass Effect Batman head butts
tons of people in the Arkham games we
could list Balrog and Street Fighter or
even a Honda who does the wildest flying
headbutt of all time head-butting is an
attack that's been in video games for
decades even dating back to the old
school in games like Battletoads which
features a head smash that's transcended
generations and is in killer instinct to
this day or in the cases of characters
like Ferengi a way to show people that
you have a great ass without taking off
your pants
I actually pitched this list a couple of
times top ten letting them habits let
them have it let's see uh subscribe this
got you remember Avengers when Loki is
all like Rimmer marry me and then the
Hulk lets his ass have it or Lethal
Weapon 4 when Riggs and Murtaugh fight
Jetley on that dock and then they go in
the water and Riggs gets an A K and
let's gently have it double-barreling
fools in Gears of War three stabbing
people in the head with a knife an army
of two putting two rapiers through
someone's [ __ ] face in Assassin's
Creed Black Flag or pretty much any
disarm from dead to rights
friggin rollin under somebody and using
bullets to make them levitate number
eight shout-out to youtube commenter
eclipse night 95 who probably didn't
know a suggestion would be on this top
10 top 10 Vince crawls some of the
dumbest top 10 ideas would have to be
ultra specific actions crawling through
Vince is almost too iconic and idea to
not make which is why it ranks so high
on the list of dumb [ __ ] top 10 ideas
like Final Fantasy 7 remember being in
the Shinra headquarters and crawling
through the vents to spy on Hojo Hey
hi dick egg Deckert could never say his
name right and president Shinra call
about the countless Metal Gear Splinter
Cell and Deus Ex event crawls or perhaps
the most iconic video game bit crawl of
all time
Goldeneye double-oh-seven where you can
sit idly and watch that guy take a [ __ ]
before shooting them in the head that's
what been crawling is all about whether
it's from the first person view and
fallout or [ __ ] out children by the
thousands in Yoshi's Island
I think childbirths would be an awesome
idea for a top ten births are super
important in video games you obviously
couldn't even play fallout if you
weren't born right what about important
moments in videogame history like the
birth of EDI the thottie they thought
but in Z watching a pus and blood
covered baby squirt out of a poon is fun
and all but what about Yoshi's Island
you can crap out your eggs and throw
them at the bad guys that franchise is
all about the true beauty of creating
life the internets always coming out
with lists about killing and destroying
life but the internet needs to be
positive
and talk more about creating life number
six how about I make a list about the
top ten hand jobs companies like
Nintendo they got some more hand jobs
than any other company out there I'm not
gonna talk about how blatantly lazy and
repetitive Nintendo is with its hand
bosses because you probably forgive them
anyway but it's not just Master Hand or
and Ross that would be on the top ten
hands list
what about Glover the sentient glove
that's contented with rolling balls all
day or Bionic commandos rad Spencer who
loves to swing with his wife no I don't
mean they're meeting people in a dirty
mattress room for a gangbang I'm talking
about how he swings with his wife his
arm is his wife if I got the chance to
make this list I'd probably even talk
about our own gamer hands which takes us
straight into the next entry number
fingernails who knows why they exist
except in video games where they exist
to murder you so we should cover that in
a list I'd throw down characters like
Lady Deathstrike with their fingers
coated in anime Neum those sons of [ __ ]
dead claws will swipe your damn head off
saberwolf who doesn't carry a saber but
will still chop the [ __ ] out of you with
his razor-sharp clutches or maybe even
the witch from the leopard dead series
who really needs to file her [ __ ] down
because girl
damn including entries like IRS's super
cute pink nails from dota 2 would round
out the list probably topped by Chronos
as unkept flaky tragedies
the top 10 invisible first-person
shooter player models you know those
models that are really just an arm
holding a gun attached to a floating
camera you're shooting aliens in the
Black Mesa research facility or blessing
altar or Corp on Mars and you look down
and you don't have any legs
I probably based this list on the
quality of a game that has an invisible
player model which should have a visible
player model all that polishes the
Bioshock games and you can't give me a
pair of legs when I look down sure you
can debug the game or whatever to see
what the models look like but that
doesn't matter
don't forget what will likely be one of
the most notoriously horrible and
visible first-person player model
blunders of all time that one from no
man Scott
remember when those two players couldn't
see each other on that planet when they
made up it's not because of netcode or
instancing it's because the player
models are invisible he's silly Lilly's
number three
developers with exception probably don't
think about this when they're trying to
create horrifying creatures and video
games but have you ever played a game
like Silent Hill 4 or Kirby you know and
thought man I bet it'd feel really good
to put my penis inside that thing's face
moments like that make me think I should
make a top 10 faces that look like
vaginas I mean the smelter demon in Dark
Souls 2 is a really really tough boss
not because of its difficult attack
patterns but because of that truly
bangable face although I could be
watching Return of the Jedi in sing
Lando Calrissian sidekick or if I'm
playing on Borderlands game in her rack
eye pops out of the ground
I always oh god I always have to set my
sex modes are off to avoid distraction
but top 10 faces that look like vaginas
would still be a spectacular top 10
topic this is the dumbest thing I have
ever written for a top ten number two
sometimes in games normal climb above
surfaces won't do ladders are no good
and stairs and slopes are just
impractical for moments like these it'd
be really important to build a top ten
of contextually Klima balsamic arena of
time giant beasts and Shadow of the
Colossus vega's cage and Street Fighter
that weird [ __ ] games like Uncharted
and Mirror's Edge have contextually
climb oval surfaces that are highlighted
and make it easy on players that are too
stupid to not know where to go next
even the old PlayStation classics like
croc would be great for this list number
one would undoubtedly be the wall of
honey in dkc2 look at that this is the
Super Nintendo and the monkeys have
animations where they take a bite of the
sweet stuff while they're climbing
that's awesome it's
number one you're playing the game
you're having a good time you're on the
precipice of greatness and your finger
slips into a screw hole on the back of a
controller it displeases you and you
perish in your game devastation loss
confusion questions pop into your head
why did this happen to me
how will I ever be the same again only
the finest of controllers have screw
hole arrangements that are pleasing if I
were to count down the most adequate of
screw holes on the back of a controller
number two would be the Xbox one
controller but what's number one you ask
yeah look at that you know what the most
pleasing screw hole layout is a layout
with no screw holes and there's no other
controller with a smoother ass out there
than the LEAs and the who has never been
number one at anything except for
failing expectations shout out to a
great popsicle for that entry