NARRATOR: You don't know Jane Foster,
the medical professional who wielded
the hammer as the Mighty Thor?
Well, move over, because you're about to get a straight dose
of enlightening.
Clear!
Jane Foster fell in love with practicing medicine
while working as a nurse.
And the medical practice fell in love with her right back,
or, more specifically, her employer, Dr. Donald Blake.
[RECORD SCRATCH]
Uh, it was a time before HR seminars.
But Dr. Donald Blake wasn't just her boss.
He was also Thor's alter ego.
While Jane pined for the god with the bod--
[SCREAMING]
--who kept conveniently saving her from peril,
Donald pined for Jane to love his imperfect human form.
But Jane already did and told Donald to get it together
and make a move on her already.
So Donald made one heck of a move,
finally revealing his identity as Thor.
Have your cake and eat it, too, girl.
[LAUGHS]
NARRATOR: They hoped to be wed, but Odin, being the worst
dad/king of Asgard ever, didn't take kindly
to the idea of a Midgardian daughter-in-law
and made Jane prove herself with new goddess powers.
[SCREAMING]
But she was set up to fall-- or, I mean, fail.
Jane ended up forgetting about Thor
and moved on to dating her new boss, Dr. Keith Kincaid--
[RECORD SCRATCH]
--seriously, is there no one in HR?--
and Thor reunited with his intended, the Lady Sif.
[HEART MONITOR BEEPING]
When Jane became very sick and near death,
she called to Thor for help.
Sif answered the call and transferred
her life essence to Jane to give her a second chance at life.
After healing and leaving both Sif and Thor behind,
Jane leveled up to become a doctor
and continued to care for superpowered people
like the Avengers.
She was an independent woman who, yes,
had feelings for Thor, but it was extremely complicated--
[DREAMY SIGH]
--though he does look good in a cape.
What was I saying?
Oh, yes.
Ultimately, Thor lost his worthiness and his shirt,
which is a whole other story.
So his hammer, Mjolnir, went looking for someone
worthy of the power of Thor, who was revealed to be Jane Foster.
Don't stress.
Thor Odinson was fine.
He got an ax and worked on being a better god.
As the Mighty Thor, Jane began protecting the Realms,
but she was also fighting a personal battle against cancer.
Complicating matters, transforming
into the Mighty Thor was interrupting
her body's ability to heal.
Nonetheless, Jane took on Loki, Odin, Frost Giants,
Malekith, the Dark Elf, and a slew of other Asgardian pains
in the--
hammer.
Sadly, Jane's human body could only handle dishing out
so many god-tier butt-kickings.
So, when Mangog, the beastly embodiment of hate, attacked,
Jane knew the only way to save the world
was to transform into the Mighty Thor one final time.
But in the heat of battle, she realized
she had to sacrifice Mjolnir to win, returning
to her dying, mortal form.
She made the ultimate sacrifice and saved the world,
using love to conquer hate.
And thus, with a kiss, she died.
[RECORD SCRATCH]
Are you freaking kidding me?
This is how it ends?
Oh, wait, wait, there's more.
As the War of the Realms raged on,
Thor Odinson reclaimed his worthiness.
But many of the Valkyries, the mighty female warriors
who deliver the worthy dead to Valhalla, were brutally slain.
So Thor used his regained powers to give
Jane an immortal chance at godliness
as a badass new Valkyrie.
Thank gods!
Now, Jane protects the realm, Midgardians, and Asgardians
alike.
Just don't forget, that's Dr. Valkyrie to you.
And now, you do know Jane Foster--
I mean, Mighty Thor--
I mean, Valkyrie-- whatever, you get it.