hey guys welcome to a new video
don't let your kids watch it so in this video it's going to be like a weigh-in a weight loss
talk and just talk to you a bit about what i've been doing and why i haven't made a weigh-in video
so i kind of just want to sit here and explain why i haven't done a weigh-in on camera i think it's
just a lot easier for me to just be like yeah i'm 570 versus stepping on the scale for you guys and
you guys seen that number for yourself because it is embarrassing i am very much ashamed oh my main
reason was i wanted to reach a certain weight before coming on here because i am constantly
filming these weigh-in videos where i'm just fluctuating i'm just going back and forth gaining
and losing the same literal 10 pounds i'm just like what is the point of that in the back of my
head i feel like a lot of people won't believe me even if i do step on the scale because i do have a
scale that is for car equipment and stuff like that and it's a very heavy duty scale but so i
wanted to make like a big statement i wanted like a bigger loss so then i could come back with a new
low weight so there have been a lot of just like people telling me you know do a weigh-in on camera
do a live weigh-in we want to know what your weight really is because we don't believe you and
just all this stuff and that hurts me a lot that people don't believe when i say i am 570 but a
lot of people like it's my top question ever or a message that i receive or anything is like what's
your weight you look freaking huge you look the biggest you've ever looked what are you gonna do
weigh in weigh in weigh in weigh in weighing my in like that's all people are talking about there's
more to me than my weight i can tell you that but there is an option on it where you can tear
weights i don't really know much about it i've never done it before the only reason why i found
out about it is because people in the comments would talk about it and say that i'm faking my
weigh-ins because i can tear the scale i don't i don't know but i get it i can understand why you
guys are like okay where does this like weigh in because it is interesting i i admit like i follow
some weight loss channels and if they go mia with the weight loss content i'm like ma'am ma'am i'm
here to watch you lose weight where's the weigh-in maybe i should just bring back weigh-ins to my
channel i don't see any reason not to because there's just constant speculation of like are you
over 600 pounds are you the heaviest you've ever been there's like a portion of you who are like
you look the biggest you've ever looked so i'm just like have you guys seen my past content have
you guys seen what i used to look like there's a clear difference let's go back to a few moments
in time i'm at the hospital look how dry my lips are i've been trying to drink a lot of
water though but my temperature slowly rose evenly just right on things that we picked
out that i needed or just wanted or whatever so i figured i would film a haul so let's get to
it so the mixture of like swelling coming back from vacation having all the sodium
period like it's just been a lot of different things wait i think i got in my nose
i'm getting heartburn those were really really weird there's like a shadow i currently have the
light and the only place it'll swelling is going down a bit plus i'm just like forcing myself just
gotta force yourself so yeah i have two appointments for a mental and i i finally see
it and i have measured myself because in the past like i have measured like around my stomach i have
measured around my arms i am losing weight and i am getting smaller slowly but surely and i'm proud
of that and that's something that's like making me more excited to continue losing weight because i
notice the smaller i get the more stamina i have the more energy i have so i do plan on
doing some more weight loss content for you guys i want to do more of like what i ate today like
i want to do very much like how i was doing i think it was like in the beginning of january
i don't know maybe it was like november like i'm so bad at timelines but i don't know if you guys
remember when i was doing like weekly weigh-ins so i don't know if that's something i want to do it
is something i'm a little interested in so i could see that happening in the future if not like near
near future if not you guys might even just get another way in next week future so i want to talk
to you guys about how i've been doing have i been losing weight like how have i been eating so i
have either been counting calories and sticking to it and being great with that or i've been having
these like little binges there has been no in between it's either on track doing my damn thing
or completely off track and caving into my eating disorder and that winning there's no compromising
there's no winning it's either one or the other and i just want to like be open and say like i'm
not perfect i do suffer with binging and i know a lot of people don't like me to say binge eating
disorder when i'm doing the calories i'm doing the damn thing i'm drinking my water i'm doing
my walks i'm actively losing weight but no matter how much i do this when binging starts again all
of the hard work i did over here with my calorie counting and my walking and my drinking and my
determination and my willpower all of it just diminishes i'm eating healthier and i'm proud
of myself and i do my exercises and then at night time it's just like craziness takes over
i gain weight so fast when i binge it is insane due to like water weight into like
fat consumption and sodium consumption and just calorie consumption i it just happens so fast
i gain weight quicker than i lose it which is so unfortunate like there has been plenty of
times in the past where me my friends will eat the exact same thing but yeah i'll gain weight
and they won't i know that the professionals told me that after my hysterectomy not only
having a hysterectomy and being on menopause is drastically going to slow my weight loss
but i'm on a pill to create estrogen so i don't go estrogen free because i am young i am only 31. so
they said by taking that medicine it's also going to slow down my weight loss so i want to explain
when i said that i'm either counting calories or i'm like having little binges the difference
between like big binges and little binges with my journey my story my eating disorder the way
that i do things around here they're completely two different things overeating i'm aware of what
i'm doing i'm like okay this is fine an average joe overeats you're able to control yourself
stop yourself um but when i binge whether it's a little binge or a huge binge there is a mental
block where it's like an out-of-body experience i literally look i literally feel like i'm looking
at myself do it i can't control it it's like a possession to feel like you're out of your body
kind of watching someone else control it where you literally feel like you cannot control yourself
and you just i binged so bad that i was stuffing my face
and i felt literally sick to my stomach i was so full and you know what i did
i kept eating i kept eating and i couldn't stop um anyone who binge eats totally understands so
the difference between okay i eat five slices of pizza whoops i over eight or it was a cheat
meal versus five slices of pizza where i did not want it like you know how many times i have binged
and i have been eating the food and i'm like i do not want this i do not want this stop eating stop
eating and i literally can't these are things i talk to my psychologist about because you know
therapy will help you but therapy doesn't help everyone as you guys know
i am back doing the whole eating disorder therapy situation say deal i i was very open and honest
because the reason why i quit was because like i wanted to count calories i really wanted to
focus on weight loss and i was really honest and i said i ca i can't be a part of something
that doesn't want me to like focus on weight loss like i want to lose weight for my health and for
millions of other reasons and thankfully they understood so we're doing like a little compromise
moment which i love i'm still going through therapy with my psychologist while trying to work
on my like physical health with my weight loss so the two together i feel like is gonna be a perfect
recipe for success everything that i'm learning about myself is literally all mental it's a
i can't wait for the day to be able to look at like and be like wow i was more successful
than unsuccessful and i wanted to call myself a failure and my psychologist would get so mad at
me if i did that during my therapy sessions like i have never noticed how much i like actually hate
myself and think so much bad about myself until i got the psychologist because she is constantly
like why do you talk so bad about yourself you're constantly blaming yourself and not anyone else
and i think i'm delusional with you guys so when i sit here and i talk i think it's
more so like out of defense it's like a defense mechanism like i have my walls up with y'all so
i sound like i'm blaming everyone around me or i'm like blaming you guys but i feel so safe with a
psychologist i feel so safe speaking to her about anything and everything she was like you literally
blame yourself for everything and you talk down to yourself about everything i want to see more
success in a month versus failure it's taken me a while to like process that binge eating doesn't
make you a failure it just means that there's something wrong it needs to be fixed you need
to go to therapy you need to see professionals which is finally what i'm doing and it just it's
truly working because i understand myself more and eventually that's gonna play out more in
future binges wow i'm like completely rambling so let's get in to the weigh-in moment so today
i weighed in at 489.00 so that means i am down 83 pounds in total but a week ago i was 487.8 so i've
gained 0.2 in the last i mean i gained 1.2 in the last week that was due to the fluctuations like
one day i'd be doing the calories next day i would have the binge then i would do the calories then
i would have the binge next day i would have the binge then i would do the calories then i would
have the binge and i can look back and be like you know what i'm happy that the binging wasn't daily
i had the willpower to be really high baby i had the willpower to be stronger than my eating
disorder and that doesn't always happen but when it does i'm like see how i'm a boss [ __ ] i'm
a boss ass [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] okay i don't know what that was
but yeah so my lowest weight so far in this whole journey moment has been 487.8 so a few days of
like counting my calories and i'll be back at that yeah i've been enjoying calorie counting but
i just feel like i'm in more of like a positive state she's so sweet i just feel like i'm in
more of like a positive state and i just feel more at ease with my life right now
and i think i'm gonna take advantage of that and definitely do the damn thing so i hope you guys
enjoyed this weigh-in video hi baby oh i see we are i'm always trying to see through your flaws
cause i know that you got so much more to give