But it's hard, though, it is.
It's hard to not pretend, it's hard to know who you are
in any given situation and not pretend ever, right?
Like, we all do it, we all pretend in moments.
We all think we matter more than we actually do, right?
We all think we're special, but we're not, right?
You know the worst kind of people nowadays,
that think that they matter more than they actually
matter, hands down?
People that work out and won't shut the fuck up about it.
I cannot stand their shit.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, click, click, reload.
Bang, bang, bang.
Can't stand it.
Workout, go home.
You don't matter that much, okay?
All this inspirational culture that's going around,
this fits pull lifestyle that they're trying
to convince you of, who the fuck are you inspiring?
That's what I want to know, right?
These dudes will be like, "You know, I used
to weigh 90 pounds, but now, through hard work,
determination, perseverance, never backing down,
not stopping, remaining focused, never veering off track,
not looking over my shoulder, never dying,
no days off, now I've got bigger muscles.
Okay, you know what?
Eat dicks, okay?
Eat all the dicks you see around you.
If you're like that and you see a dick,
you eat that shit.
Arg, arg, arg, like that.
Like a log trimmer, just (mechanical noises).
With dick chips spinning out of your mouth.
(mechanical noises)
Throw a dick up and just swallow it whole,
where there's a dick outline in your neck
and then muscle it down.
That's your new workout, okay?
Eat dicks, of course.
(crowd laughing)
Like you're not really doing much, okay?
Who the fuck are you inspiring?
You're not running for political office,
you're not joining the army.
All you do is move weight around
and eat extra chicken, right?
You like protein?
Cool, there's protein in my dick, eat it.
(crowd laughing)
You work hard?
Congragu-the fuck-lations, I work hard too.
I don't hashtag it blessed all day long.
Eat my dick.
These guys are so self-involved, it's so fucking annoying.
They're so ridiculous.
They'll take, like, a selfie in the mirror
and be like, "Keep your friends close, enemies closer."
(crowd laughing)
Nah, not really, man.
You know why?
You're not a warrior, that's why, okay?
You just, like, have job at the movie theater
or some shit. Just keep your friends real close and you can
go see movies with them.
It works out fine.
You don't rule the nation.
(laughs)
They're ridiculous, these guys.
They're just ridiculous.
"You know, like, hey, just so you know,
life's a journey, okay?
It's not about the destination,
it's about the tools you use
and the path you take."
Aw, really? I didn't know I was dealing with
the Dalai-fucking-Lama, dude.
"You know, don't be afraid to (laughs).
Don't ever be afraid to reach your dreams."
Oh, cool, man!
"Don't ever fucking be afraid to make your dreams
a reality, and succeed, you know?"
"Used to be a shell of a man, but now (laughs).
Now I know exactly what's inside that shell.
All equal parts that make me, me.
Don't ever be afraid of being you."
You know what my favorite one is?
"Just be you, everyone else was taken."
Fuck that shit.
(crowd cheering)
"Hard work, determination, perseverance,
never backing down, not stopping, remaining focused,
never quitting, fighting the desire but also following
the desire, never looking over your shoulder,
fucking army of one, no days off,
Rome wasn't built in a day, buildings, robots,
carpet, iPad."
You're just saying words, okay!
You're like words?
Here's more: Eat my dick.
There's three.
(crowd cheering)
(cool music)