(creepy music)
(bicycle bell) (laughter)
- Oh move it or lose it, Trap.
(laughter)
We hired you to be writers. (subtle creepy music)
Why don't you write?
(sighs)
Hi Lloyd.
Bit slow tonight isn't it?
(laughs)
- Yes it is, Mr Trap.
What'll it be?
- I'm awfully glad you asked me that Lloyd.
You have nay local draft beers?
When I'm traveling I like to try the local stuff.
- We have a local sour beer, sir.
- Blech, sour.
Awfully trendy, Lloyd.
Is that what you guys do here?
You just follow trends?
- No sir, we also have a local lager.
- What are the tasting notes like on that?
- Similar to a Stella, sir.
- Wow, (laughs) really cracked the case for me there, Lloyd.
Just answer me this.
Does it have too much tangerine on the palette?
- No.
We also have a Sam Adams seasonal.
- Yeah, you and every airport bar in America.
Am I right, Lloyd?
- Would you like to look at a menu, sir?
- Menus are for diners.
A good bar man should be able to recommend
me a drink.
- Sir, I heard your writers.
They might need some correcting.
- How 'bout wine?
You got a good Nero d'Avola?
- No sir.
- Do you have anything tannic?
- We have a lovely Cabernet, sir.
- Oh, of course you do, a Cabernet.
Great, what are the tasting notes on that?
- It's pretty big and...
- Big?
Mm-hmm. - Big and fruit forward, sir.
- So, I'm hearing wine, Lloyd.
Just make me a Gin Hudson.
- What's in a Hudson, sir?
- Lloyd, this is basic fucking shit here, okay?
A Gin Hudson, it is London dry, Creme de honeysuckle,
Sage liqueur, and Charcoal bitters.
- We don't have Charcoal Bitters, sir.
- Fresh Charcoal will be fine.
- How 'bout a martini, sir?
- Oh, fine!
Dry Boodles, up.
- We don't have Boodles, sir.
- Old Tom? - We don't have that.
- Burleigh? - No, we don't have that.
- Four Pillars? - We have...
- Ferdinands? - Hendrick's,
- Bingle Bangles? - Royal Guard,
- Fords? - That's it.
- Four Pillars. - No, that's it.
- Oh, all right.
Royal Guard then.
I'll slum it.
- Your writers.
They might need a firm hand.
- Lloyd, you ever notice that tips have gone up?
What's with that; you know,
it used to be 10%, and then it was 15,
and now it's 20?
I mean, what's going on, right?
It's not like you're doing anything different.
It's the same drink, it's the same...
(boom) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's the ice you're using.
It's too small, Lloyd.
It'll melt too quickly.
Anyway, the whole tipping thing is a scam.
It's like what, because you're gonna charge me more
for a drink, you deserve more of a tip?
Here's a tip, Lloyd.
Work harder.
Anyway.
(gentle music)
- Lloyd, no, no.
Did I, or did I not ask for a dry martini?
The vermouth balance here is just a mess.
Mm.
Mm-mm, mm, Mm-mm.
Now Lloyd, this one is too cold.
- Perhaps if you give it a moment, sir.
Sir, you should kill your writers.
- You know, I hate to do this, but I'm gonna
have to talk to your manager.
- Absolutely.
- What seems to be the problem?
- Hi, thank you.
I don't wanna be a problem customer, but
I mean, your bartender can't make simple drinks.
- Perhaps you'd like to try our Barrel Aged Manhattan?
It's to die for!
(maniacal laugh)
(laughs)
Oh, because he's dead.
(horn blares)
- [Announcer] Pump eight, please begin fueling.
(tires squeal)
- 'scuse me, 'scuse me.
I'm wondering if I could cut you in line.
I'm, I'm in a bit of a rush.
I'm rescuing my friends from a murderer.
- Oh, we, we all are.
That's why we're here.
You're all rescuing your friends from a murderer?
- Yeah, this whole area's pretty popular for that.
- Do you all have the shining?
- Yeah, of course.
- I guess they could wait a little bit.
- Hey, it's Grant from College Humor.
Click here to subscribe to the channel.
Click here for more fun stuff.
And...
Sorry, you guys, it feels like I'm out.
Am I out?
I, 'cause I can like, I can see the top of the camera.
So it's...
Is this better?
All right, it feels worse.
Okay, thanks for watching.