Hi, I'm Sean Hayes.
I'm the brown-haired, more feminine Ellen.
[LAUGHTER]
So Ellen's not here.
She's gone to a better place.
She's at home.
So her home is like a castle on a mountain.
So trust me, it's a much better place.
I'm kidding.
I can't tell you where she is for personal reasons,
because it's a boob job.
[LAUGHTER]
And she's going for the big ones.
So next time she's here, watch out from row.
[LAUGHTER]
No, here's what happened.
Ellen had a little accident.
She tripped and fell, and was trapped under the weight
of her own wallet.
[LAUGHTER]
No, she didn't.
All right.
OK.
I really don't know where Ellen is.
I assume she's at Home Depot, that's
where all the lesbians go.
I don't know.
So I'll check on my way home.
Now, I've never hosted a daytime show before.
But I have hosted soirees, get-togethers,
and that thing where you all put your keys into a bowl.
You know that?
Oh wait.
I'm thinking of John Stamos's birthday party.
Never mind.
[LAUGHTER]
Of course, I do know my way around a television stage.
I'm on a little show called Will and Grace.
[CHEERING]
Thank you.
And before that, I was on another show
called Will and Grace.
[CHEERING]
Yeah.
I've also been on Broadway.
Maybe you've heard of the award-winning musical Hamilton.
[CHEERING]
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I saw that too.
[LAUGHTER]
But I'm really looking forward to hosting this show.
I've been preparing this for months.
OK?
I rehearsed my, I'm interested in what you're saying face.
[LAUGHTER]
And just because I'm guest hosting,
I'm not going to change anything.
OK?
It's going to be the same show you love--
cheating spouses, angry exes, OK?
And at the end, I'll reveal who the father is.
I'm going to be honest, I've never seen the show actually.
I've never seen the show.
I know that I have to start out by dancing,
because that's what Ellen does, but I'm not a dancer.
Actually I'm a little shy doing it in front of people.
And I like to turn the lights down and keep my shirt on.
I'm still talking about dancing.
But I don't really have anything prepared, so I just--
I don't know.
These shoes aren't even good for dancing.
And I had Poquito Más for lunch.
And I wouldn't even know what to do if there--
[MUSIC - MEGHAN TRAINOR, "NO EXCUSES"]
What you sippin' on that got you talking crazy?
Looking at me sideways, always coming at me?
Why you, why you acting hard when you just a baby?
Boy, I keep it real with you, but you trying to play me.
Have you lost your mind?
Open up your eyes.
Huh!
Someone else you must've confused me, confused me with.
Someone else.
There ain't no excuses, excuses babe.
Someone else.
Your mama raised you better than that.
Huh!
Hit it.
Your mama raised you better than that.
Have you lost your mind?
Open up your eyes.
Huh!
Someone else you must've confused me, confused me with.
Someone else.
There ain't no excuses, excuses babe.
Someone else.
Your mama raised you better than that.
Huh!
Hit it.
You must've confused me, confused me with.
Your mama raised you better than that.
There ain't no excuses, excuses babe.
Huh!
[CHEERING]
Thanks, guys.
[CHEERING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
I think I'm better.
[CHEERING]
Wow.
Those dancers are from Break the Floor Productions,
and just so you know, that's how I get to all my chairs.
If you want to learn the dance, go to Ellen's website
to learn more.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball-peen hammer.
And also some videos of Ellen, and other celebrities,
if you're into that sort of thing.
[YELLS]
[BLEEP] God [BLEEP]!