More often than not, we can be quick to blame someone else for the problems we face.
Why can’t they notice me more?
Be less narrow-minded, or listen to the words coming out of my mouth.
But are you putting in the same amount of effort on the table?
Can you be just as attentive as your partner?
The thing about relationships is you don’t just learn how to love someone, it’s also
an experience that teaches you how to be a better person.
But if you’re not in the right mindset, sometimes it’s worth postponing and working
on yourself first.
Here are five signs you cannot handle a relationship.
1. You put yourself first before anyone else.
It’s healthy when you prioritize your health and well being, but there’s a difference
between finding balance and just being downright selfish.
Clinical Professor Srini Pillay believes that selfish lovers often suffer from feeling inadequate.
When they show love to someone, even if it’s just a little, they start to worry that it’ll
all be gone in no time.
Selfish lovers are deeply troubled because they aren’t self-connected.
If you take more than you give to your partner, Pillay says it’s important to confront your
own pain and recognize the areas you need to develop in.
He also states that it’s helpful to focus your energy on hobbies that make you feel
more self-connected, like running, journaling, or meditating.
2. You’re prideful and you think you’re always right.
It’s important for both partners to feel heard and understood in a relationship, but
factors such as pride can get in the way of that.
At the end of the day, is it really worth being right if you’re going to lose someone
you love?
Another reason why some people are commonly reluctant to apologize is because they fear
the other person won’t take responsibility for their part in the conflict.
But when you sincerely apologize first, it lets your partner know that you’re not proud
of what you did, and will take better measures next time instead of repeating the same mistakes.
It’s important not to emphasize on who was right or wrong, but rather focus on what the
two of you can do to prevent any mishaps from occurring in the future.
3. You always depend on your partner to make you happy.
Do you get anxious when you’re away from your partner or generally feel lost without
them?
This might be a sign of co-dependency. Ask yourself if you really love your partner or
are you just emotionally dependent on them.
Love is about appreciation, not possession.
Psychologists state that co-dependancy stems from the lack of self-sufficiency.
Since co-dependancy is often rooted from your unmet childhood needs, treatment often involves
going to therapy, where you can get in touch with the feelings you’ve buried for so long.
As cliche, as it sounds, talking things out, will ultimately help you get better.
Once you confront those deep-rooted insecurities, it also allows you a chance to express them
to your partner.
That way, the two of you can create a plan that helps your relationship move forward.
4. You expect people to read your mind.
Communication is an essential part of making relationships work.
If you’re passive aggressive and chose not to tell your partner what’s upsetting you
in fear of creating conflict or to test if they care about you, is it really fair to
be mad at the other person, when they don’t even have a clue?
To strengthen your communication skills, avoid attaching blame when you make your "I" statements.
For instance, instead of saying "I’m upset because you never help me with the chores",
you can say "I’m upset and would appreciate it if you can help me with the chores".
That way you can still let them know what you want without pointing fingers, which can
often cause your partner to become defensive.
5. You have commitment issues.
Commitment phobia, otherwise known as relationship anxiety, is when you have a fear of relationships.
If you think you have this, note that it doesn’t mean you never want to establish a long term
connection with someone, you do, but your anxieties are getting in the way.
Many past events could have caused this, such as witnessing your parents getting a divorce
or having an unhealthy romantic relationship. As a result, you might hesitate being vulnerable,
scared that the other person will either leave or disappoint you.
If this is an ongoing issue, it’s best to visit a therapist and get insight on how to
manage this phobia, while learning techniques that help you practice vulnerability.
What are some dating struggles you’re going through right now?
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