Having a baby changes your life.
And if it's your first child, get ready for a steep learning curve!
But you don't have to go into it completely blind.
Here, real moms and baby experts reveal what you should definitely know before having a
baby!
Set those boundaries
Already sick of strangers touching your pregnant belly?
"At school everyone's just grabbing my belly all the time.
It's crazy."
Well, just wait until after you have your baby.
Christina Moreland, mom of two, and author of Secrets of the Super Mom, says,
Right after you have your baby, it seems everyone else feels they are entitled to touch, grab,
and have access to your breasts.
I personally was never comfortable feeding around anyone other than my husband."
"Create your new boundaries and don't be afraid."
And Moreland's also got a simple strategy for dealing with everyone's opinions around
the birth of your child: she says,
"Ignore them."
Free your birth plan
While you may have created the perfect birth plan, your new baby may have other ideas.
Jen Schwartz, postpartum depression survivor and founder of the blog, The Medicated Mommy
says,
"I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid a C-section because of [other people's]
opinions.
After 24 hours of labor […] I had a C-section."
"A week later I was hit with severe postpartum depression and having a long labor is a risk
factor for it."
Ultimately, Schwartz says,
"Being ready for all birth scenarios and knowing ahead of time that you aren't necessarily
in control of how your baby comes into the world will take the pressure off if it doesn't
go according to plan."
Number one complication
Catherine O'Brien, licensed marriage and family therapist, says,
"The number one complication of childbirth for moms is a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder."
"Around 20 percent of moms will experience a PMAD and ten percent of dads."
"You will feel like you are failing as a parent somehow or wonder if maybe you weren't meant
to be a parent.
This is not your fault.
You are not alone.
And with help you can feel better."
O'Brien advises seeking help as soon as you feel that something's not right.
Nursing ain't easy
Let's be real: breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally, or at all.
"No one even warned me about the cracked nipples"
"I wanted to stick my nips in tub of Chapstick and stay there.
Forever."
April Oury, mother and founder and president of Body Gears Physical Therapy, says,
"I wish I knew that nursing takes a lot of practice!"
"The tearful feedings that lasted weeks finally gave way to toughened nipple skin and desensitization
so that my focus was on the bonding experience.
The benefits of nursing kept me going, but through a lot of coaching and tears."
Moreland agrees, sharing,
"Don't be afraid to bring in the experts, like a licensed lactation consultant to help
you.
I needed one with both of my babies and they are four years apart in age."
Lots of help
After you have a baby, it's "all hands on deck."
Licensed counselor and psychotherapist Carolyn Wagner says,
"You buy all of the recommended gadgets, arrange for meals and visitors and help, sign up for
the baby and me classes, and decorate the nursery.
But when you're in the thick of it, you will always wish you had an extra set of hands
or a shoulder to lean on."
"Whether it's from friends and family or a postpartum doula or nanny, get the support
you need.
There's no special medal for going it alone."
Feeding your baby
The truth is, as long as your baby's eating, you're doing the right thing.
"Breastfeeding didn't work out.
Guess what.
World's still turning."
Schwartz says,
"Everyone will have an opinion on the best way to feed your baby."
"Whether it's formula, breastmilk, or a combination of both, it has no bearing on how good of
a parent you are.
You know yourself best, so do what works for you and keeps you sane, not what someone else
tells you to do.
And if anyone judges you or tries to make you feel guilty for your choices, tune them
out and advocate for yourself."
Stress test
No matter what your romantic relationship is, expect your newborn to impact it.
O'Brien says,
"Other parents...may even say it will ruin your relationship.
You will think that's not possible."
"But the truth is no matter how strong your relationship is, having a little sweet bundle
of joy will take a toll."
In order to pull through this trying time, O'Brien says,
"Have a daily check-in...Share the good things, but also talk about any challenges you are
having.
You can then offer a way to support each other."
Not loving every minute
Don't feel guilty if you're not in a constant state of bliss over your new baby.
"You're a mom.
Moms don't enjoy, they give joy.
That's how being a mom works."
Moreland says,
"Some moms have that immediate, overwhelming, love-at-first-sight feeling with their newborns;
others don't.
And that's okay..."
"I didn't feel overcome with love initially, but it grew and quickly deepened thereafter."
Clancy agreed, saying,
"Many parents that I work with wish that someone had told them that it is okay to not love
every minute of having a new baby.
It is a lot of hard work."
"Know that you are not the only one feeling this way, and you are still a good parent."
Just a phase
No matter what you're struggling with, when it comes to newborns, nothing is permanent.
Wagner says,
"Babies grow and change extremely rapidly during their first year."
"Whether it's sleep troubles, clinginess, or difficulties with feeding, give it time
and it will change."
And things will even change for you.
Wagner says,
"There will come a day when you feel capable and in control again.
Even though it looks and feels nothing like your pre-baby life, you'll look around and
feel at home in your new life."
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