(gentle music) - Aww.
- A girl and she's tall. - Hmm volleyball, basketball?
- I mean she was just born. - Ooh, she just kicked.
- Ooh, soccer. - Soccer.
(whimsical upbeat music) - Did you see little Hannah's
already walking? - Yeah, her mom has her
in movement classes. - Should we be in movement
classes? - We need to get her in
movement classes. - If she doesn't do movement
classes, she'll walk late. - Then she'll run late.
- Then she won't make the track team.
- Google movement classes. (rapid typing)
(gentle upbeat music) All the gymnastics classes
are booked. - The wait list is three years
long. - So we needed to sign up,
- Before you were pregnant? - Do you know anyone at the
gym? - Why, do you want me to
bribe them? - I mean, she needs to refine
her motor skills. - Okay, seems normal.
Seems like every family would do this
for their two-year-old,
to bribe someone to go into a class
where they just
roll around in their
poop-filled underpants. (quirky upbeat music)
- Do you see her squatting? - She is eating out of
the dog bowl. - But that squat.
- That form is incredible. - Give her some extra weight.
See how she does. - You know they say Olympians
squat like that as babies? - An Olympian.
She says she wants to try soccer.
- I know, but, but it's too late.
- What? - Every team's at tryouts
and they want five years experience.
- It's a team for four-year-olds.
- I know, we're so behind. (dramatic music)
- Honey, you're five.
That means it's time to pick a sport.
- No more of this waffling.
Like, trying things for fun. - No more just running around
without kicking things. - No more sitting there
without catching things. - I saw you goin' down the
slide the other day. - Slides?
- I know that was fun. - That's just sitting.
- So, like, no pressure, but what's it gonna be?
(upbeat music)
Simone Biles did not start gymnastics
until she was six. - Perfect.
- She can totally be the next Simone Biles.
- Let's watch Simone Biles on the vault. (gasps)
(Kim gasps) Is she one singular muscle?
- Holy (beep). - My ACL would be in my
stomach. - There would be pee just all
over that mat. - You know what?
Our daughter's probably too tall
for gymnastics. - Yeah, she's too tall.
- That's why. - That's it, that's the only
reason. (upbeat music)
- Her teacher says she won a contest in P.E. today.
- What? - Hanging from a bar
the longest. - Wow.
- Yeah. - Is that a sport?
- I don't think so. - Why not?
- It's not very fun to watch. - But she's the best at
hanging. - She is.
- [Kim] Let's Google hanging classes.
(rapid typing) (whimsical upbeat music)
- Okay, honey, while we wait for you to pick a sport.
- Let's try cup stacking. - Yeah, it's so much fun.
It's a great way to learn coordination.
- You take these cups. - And you stack them.
- And we can enter you in international
tournaments. - Look it up.
Oh, sweetie, why are you crying?
- No, no, hand-eye coordination
- But it's, - is fun.
- And you can do this.
(cups rattle) - So?
(slow whimsical music) Honey, she just hit a tennis
ball over the net. - What?
- She's a natural. - We need to join a tennis
club. - She's gonna be the next
Serena. - Hi, I'd like to join your
tennis club. - That sounds super
affordable. - Not at all.
- Hey, I'm gonna go watch her tennis clinic.
- You're going to watch the clinic?
- Yeah, to see who wins. - You know they're not even
keeping score yet? - Yeah, but I'll know who
wins. - Can I come?
- Let's go. - Okay.
(tool thuds on floor)
- Hey, she's gettin' pretty good.
- You know, maybe we put her in a tournament?
- I don't know, you ever see those tennis parents?
- They are real intense. - That'll never be us, though.
- We'll be the nice parents. - We'll be so chill.
- Are you freaking kidding me?
- That ball was in by a foot. - How can you call that out?
- Tell your mom you need glasses.
- Your parents raised a liar. - A lying liar.
- Liar.
- Oh, you wanna quit tennis?
- Because we screamed all the time
and embarrassed you? - So you wanna try something
new? - You wanna try poetry?
- Like Amanda Gorman. - Yes.
Let's get you poetry lessons. - I'll bet you'll be winning
awards in no time. - Do they have college poetry
teams? - Google it.
(rapid typing)
(upbeat music) - Whenever you're ready.
(throat creaks) (laughing)
- What is that noise? - (indistinct) made a funny
noise. (Kim moans)
- [Penn] Have you never made that noise before?
Okay. (tool thuds on floor)
Is this better than like the staple gun?
- No. - Yeah.
- Hey, so you're goin' to the clinic? (laughs)
(laughing) Do I not look natural
with any tool? - You're just, like,
wielding it around. - Put down that tool.
Can you name that tool?
You don't know how to use tools.
Why do we, they're decoration.
We don't even need them in our house.
What the hell, why do we own tools?
Why, why do we own tools?
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