aubrey how's it going today hey lindsay i am great yesterday was a super busy day for
me i was helping my brother at his art show because he had errands to run oh and then i
was driving kids everywhere i had to take kids to soccer and softball and a play date and yeah
it was like that's crazy crazy easier well we get to be on the mic today so that's always a
good thing guys we love being on the mic for you guys this is by far my favorite part of the entire
week it is so good but uh aubrey have you ever had conversations have you had conversations recently
especially with your colleagues maybe on our team about memories or traditions from their childhood
right things that people did yeah yes things like this come up all the time when jessica and i are
chatting sometimes when we're recording podcasts over on ielts energy and sometimes just when we're
chatting before or after something else something will trigger a memory and you'll just say oh man
when i was a kid we did that all the time or maybe i never did that as a kid what was it like
natives do this all the time where they bond about what their childhood was like
yeah and we've been talking about this a little bit lately we've had a few episodes around this
topic but we're gonna get very specific and teach you something new today guys because
yeah when we start to talk about what we did as kids it's like you can connect with a different
part of that person right oh yeah it's much deeper right so many conversations just stay quite
superficial you sort of stay on the acquaintance level yes but when you're wanting to dive a little
deeper and i really want to get to know this person this is one of the best ways to do it
is to ask about a meaningful meaningful childhood ritual or experience or memory and whoever you're
talking to is really going to feel that like oh they actually really want to get to know me
yeah i love that and this idea came up because a few episodes ago maybe a few weeks ago aubry you
were sharing a story about ice fishing with your dad right yes and we we mentioned we're like oh
we should do a follow-up episode because this is a skill we want you guys to be able to have
to be able to ask about those memories but sometimes you are getting a little more personal
so i can see non-native speakers hesitating a little bit like how do i ask about this
how do i get personal is it okay yes right go to that deeper level but you do want those
conversation starters those what can you say to start that to get deeper exactly and i wonder
if this is cultural too so when i imagine our listeners thinking i want to ask this question
i wonder if in different cultures this is not okay or it is okay i mean we can tell you here
in american english it's totally okay obviously you're not gonna do it the very first time you
meet someone but as you've been spending a little more time maybe you've been working together
working side by side that's a great time to open that up a bit more right aubry yes and this is
the best way to learn about a colleague's values are they close to their family are they active
what do they think is important right because as you talk about how you were raised how you grew up
that all comes out and you share more of that but you're exactly right that in the culture in
the united states this is very accepted but you're right that's a good point that you would never do
this the first time you meet with someone you're gonna have a couple of chances to have small talk
first especially with a co-worker and then maybe you're going to have that opportunity where you're
having lunch together or you've decided to go grab a coffee yeah you have a few minutes that's when
you want to dive deeper yeah this is huge so let's get right into it aubrey and give our listeners
the vocabulary that they need to do this because if we don't have the words we can't open up the
topic right exactly so what is the first question that we might ask someone if we want to open it up
what do you think so this is a great one you can say what is something you did when you were young
that strengthened your relationship with your family because if you keep it more
general guys and just say like what was your childhood like or what did you do as a kid
that's still very surface level but if you are intentionally asking a question that gets deeper
if you say you know what something you did that strengthened your relationship with your family
they're going to start thinking about okay hmm what memories do i have that built my family
bonds yeah and that's where they're going to get deeper they're going to start talking about how
what they did to spend real meaningful time with their family yeah i love it it makes it gives
them a chance to think on a deeper level about their own lives and we love anyone that lets us
do that we love that as human beings right yes we want to connect right yes for sure okay so aubry
can can you give me an example are we going to answer these together are we just giving
a listen through a role play in a minute where we can use these definitely so we'll give you three
guys three ways to start this conversation and then we're going to show you a role play where
lindsay and i are trying to get a little deeper as colleagues and yeah we would actually use these in
a conversation yeah okay okay all right all right so we'll come back to these and we'll share the
actual answers right at some point later in the episode all right oh i see what you're saying
yeah no we should let's answer these ourselves i like that yeah let's give them meat of it
yeah for me it was definitely skiing so my parents um they that was like our religion as a family
they said on sundays they said instead of you know going to church or anything like that we're gonna
go together to the mountain and we're gonna do ski lessons they put us in lessons in the morning so
they could ski and then when we got out of lessons we all skied together as a family and this was
before cell phone so i didn't have to worry about that but something about being on the mountain
with your family no one else is around it's it's such it was so good for me yeah i love that you
were able to do that with your family yeah i not every family is able to do that unfortunately
and i think more and more it's getting you and i have talked about this how it's getting so
expensive right the cost is really exorbitant now of a for at a lot of ski resorts i have a
friend that wanted to take her kids and it was mind-boggling how pricey it was for lessons
yes to take multiple kids i think when we were young it wasn't so bad because i went with my
family too and we were not rich no no i could afford lift tickets yeah no no this i mean the
prices that we were paying in the 90s literally for a half day of skiing in vermont twelve dollars
right it was really reasonable you know what it cost for a twelve dollars or a half day
ticket 200 i mean 100 150 it has just blown up i don't know what happened but it's terrible it's
terrible yeah what about you what did you do we went camping um all the time we went skiing a
couple times i remember those memories so vividly but we would go camping multiple times a summer
and i think that was the best thing for my parents to take us to do that was not expensive we'd go
fishing hiking all kinds of outdoor activities with the whole family yeah i have such strong
memories sitting around the campfire making s'mores you know and just chatting playing games
and yeah i really felt like my parents loved spending time with us and valued that um you know
making us feel special like that they they weren't too busy to spend several days with us you know
yeah camping is the perfect way to do it because it's free or cheap right and you're outside and i
can't think of a better way to get your family together and i think it's really good to teach
kids at a young age that it's okay to be you know dirty and smelly and not have makeup on yeah
i mean so many people are like i would never go camping i have to shower i have to have my makeup
that's a good it's a good trait to be able to be without that i completely agree yeah i know that
i i like camping too it's it's fun you know i think for me it's a maximum of two nights
after two nights i gotta come home i gotta take a shower see that okay um but two nights fantastic
way to to just relax into it so what would be the second question that our listeners could
ask their colleagues aubrey yes so you could say what about your childhood shaped your character
okay and i love this question but you do want to keep in mind some people might be a little bit
like huh i haven't thought about that recently and there can be a little conversation sort of
getting there right yeah so i could imagine a follow-up question saying like like for example
where did you get your amazing work ethic right so if you've noticed something great about them
and you know that that had to have come from how they were raised you can sort of give that
as an example if they're kind of like i don't know i've never thought about that because that
happened right lindsay yeah cause you're saying aubry that this could sound a little bit too
theoretical and figurative or too abstract if we're not specific here right so maybe the answer
you're trying to get is that question and then we could put it into slightly different words if if
we get a blank stare yeah kind of rephrase it right so you could say what about your
childhood shaped your character right and i think a compliment is appropriate here if you say like
i've noticed that you are very loyal or you're a great leader or something like that something
minor that you would have noticed at work and then say did you know did the way your parents raised
you helped create that in you right right and if we want to even simplify that even more you could
say something like how did you learn that right how did you learn that you're a great leader how
did you learn that right who knows it could be um you know grandparents or cousins it could be
anyone adoptive parents right whoever inspired you and helped you learn these character traits
very good point you don't want to limit someone just you could just say how did you learn that
how did you learn that i love it okay do we have a third one for our listeners guys
i hope you are writing these down because this is the key to connection right here
yes right yes okay our third one is did your family have any traditions or rituals that had
a big impact on you and then this also i could see a follow-up question right to say something like
you know what did it or especially if they give you an answer like oh yeah
we always went to disneyland every year or like i said we went camping every summer and some of your
co-workers might not be that chatty they might just stop there and not give tons of details
yeah so that's when you could ask a follow-up question and say something like that's amazing
you know what did it mean to you that that they clearly wanted to spend time with you and that's
where you get deeper because they're gonna think about that and say yeah that did show me that that
they loved me right they cared about me i love it i love it so for you aubry you've shared again the
ice fishing was part of the tradition right with your dad uh anything else important there yeah so
my my parents would take us on like individual dates especially school shopping i remember they
would always take us one at a time and i think that one-on-one time some some of our listeners
might be an only child so they got that all the time but if you have multiple siblings
that doesn't happen automatically often all the kids are together with the parents so
parents have to be more intentional about making that one-on-one time and i remember
feeling really special and important when they would take me on a date just me and one parent
or just my parents and me for sure that's amazing i love that i love that so good um what about you
oh man so many i'm trying to think well i know we had a tradition around christmas time around
thanksgiving we used to together as a family put all the lights up and it would always be
such a disaster my mom she hates anything that is gaudy right the word gaudy is a good
bonus word i'm sure that'll be in the app for this episode aubry gotti what does that mean
like sort of garish that's another good vocab word
but it means a little bit ugly a little bit too much and it's not classy it's not classy it's
not beautiful yes it's a little extra a little extra like tape not not tasteful plastic right
this idea so she hates things like that and so but we my dad and me and my brother we wanted to
put as many lights up as we possibly could and it was so gaudy they were everywhere all in the woods
in front of our house all over the house and she'd come out she didn't want colored lights she wanted
white ones to look tasteful tasteful yeah but we went nuts with the lights and i just remember that
being really fun because we felt kind of devious you know like we're doing something you know
we're challenging my mom so that was and this follow-up question would be perfect for you to say
you know what did it mean to you to know that your dad was willing to let you yes you know do it the
way you wanted fun even though that wasn't what mom wanted right exactly it's like the idea of
learning that you can challenge people a little bit you can push the boundaries you could take
chances you know so for sure i love that so you guys three questions are so helpful yes yeah i
mean look what's happening like we're getting to know each other we're opening up this connection
and now with your colleague doing business is going to be so much better right because
we're human beings at work we're not just machines right aubry yes exactly i love when anyone asks me
about my childhood here's a big part of that it's because it brings up all of this great nostalgia
yes most of us when we think of our childhood we remember the good times we remember the fun
memories right and we love to that's a fun thing to talk about everyone's gonna have something
that they they want to chat about so these are great questions to dive into that to divide it
into that night that good nostalgia i love it well let's jump into a role play real quick aubry we're
going to run out of time on the microphone here yes okay let's do it let's jump in so here you and
i are co-workers and we're sharing a lunch break so we know each other a little bit at this point
right pretty well but we haven't really had any deep conversations yet so this is gonna be the one
yes here we go okay i'm excited for this chance to get to know you better
we are both always so busy we haven't had a chance to chat much i know right it's been fun to get
to know you but i'd love to know more about what makes you tick same i know you said you grew up in
ohio what was that like was it a small town yeah a tiny farming town what was your childhood like
oh you know just average nothing special did your family have any traditions or rituals that had a
big impact on you yeah actually we did every year we would hike to a waterfall and have a picnic and
i really looked forward to it oh that's amazing what did it mean to you to know your parents
wanted to create that special time together well it definitely made me feel special and loved
it also was a great way for them to pass their appreciation for for the beauty of nature onto me
you're gonna see that i intentionally started it with kind of the what not to do or you know how
you would follow up so if you just say right what was your childhood like yeah they might just kind
of be like it was nice yeah nothing special right and you're going to need to ask these questions to
dive deep to get them thinking you know wow what was something interesting where we can get deeper
right so after you said what was your childhood like you said did you have any family did your
family have any traditions or rituals that had a big impact on you right and then you'd say yes
actually right you're you're staying kind of surface level with the like oh my childhood's
great and then you realize yeah we did i'm going to talk about this interesting tradition for sure
and then i followed up after you said that too to give that other question what did it mean to you
to know that your parents wanted to create that special time together
then we get into the feels as we say right we really start thinking a little more emotional like
yeah what did that mean to me i love it so good we're gonna get into a takeaway
real quick for our listeners but we have one more bonus something that we said here
i'd love to know more about what makes you tick what the heck does that mean are we talking about
like deer ticks like little little bugs on animals or what are we talking about here yeah this is a
really fun idiom that just means what makes you you you say what makes you tick almost like a
clock ticks away right clock tick oh a battery or a chord what makes you tick is what makes you you
what what makes your character what makes up what makes you uh an interesting person exactly exactly
i love it so guys write that one down because that is a super native natural expression you're not
going to hear that or see that in any textbook i can guarantee that aubry what's the takeaway for
our listeners today yes you guys want to go deeper with co-workers colleagues and friends it's so
easy for conversations just to stay surface level surface level with small talk for years if you
let that happen but that will never build those stronger connections so today's questions are
going to give you that jumping off point to get deeper to ask about meaningful childhood memories
yeah i love it and guys you know the thing about this is that the thing that everyone can talk
about with authority is their own experience so if you open up a space and you show that you're truly
interested don't do this if you're not interested right do something else talk about politics
it'll feel fake but if you're truly interested you open up that space there's no better way to
build a relationship with a colleague than this or a friend that you want to get to know right aubry
it's so true right the first step is to really be interested right don't have this conversation with
someone if you're just trying to make a sale and you don't really care to get to know them deeper
they're probably going to sense that they're probably not going to want to talk about their
childhood exactly if you do if someone you do want to get to know better these are great questions
to do it all right i love it well thanks for coming on the show and talking about this today
this has been great aubry yes so fun i'll see you next time alright talk to you soon bye bye