( music playing )
If our music video in the last segment
didn't make you hungry,
then what we're about to talk about will.
That's right, McDonald's has just announced that,
after a two-year absence,
they are bringing back their dollar menu
- starting January 4th. - ♪ Ah ♪
But, but, but, this is a big "but,"
we believe there are some glaring problems with it.
Mm. Yes, this seemingly happy story
- has more layers to it than a triple cheeseburger, y'all. - Oh, my gosh.
So, in fact, let's start
with the triple cheeseburger.
It is on the new dollar menu...
But how much does it cost, Link?
...where it costs
three dollars.
Hey, Link, is three dollars a dollar
or is it three dollars?
Last time I checked, Rhett,
three dollars was not one dollar,
it's three of those dollars.
Right, the dollar menu
just doesn't have dollar items,
it has one-dollar items, two-dollar items
and three-dollar items, including the one-dollar items:
- Yeah. - sausage burrito, McChicken Sandwich,
cheeseburger, and
- any size soft drink. - Now this is what I'm talking 'bout.
- Right. - I look at something and I say, "Dollar."
- But that's it. - Look at something else, I say "Dollar."
If you want a dollar to make you holler,
it's just gonna be these four things
because we're going up to level two-dollar,
which is Sausage McGriddle,
Bacon McDouble,
and small McCafé.
They also have the...
And I put the triple cheeseburger there,
- that don't go there. - Yeah, please don't do that.
The two-piece Buttermilk Crispy Tenders,
which our local McDonald's was out of today.
Apparently, they're really in demand.
And then, the three-dollar menu
is the Sausage McMuffin with egg,
the triple cheeseburger,
the Happy Meal,
and also the classic chicken sandwich,
which has not yet been released, but will
come out with the new menu, so we don't have that.
Man, somebody
bit my triple cheeseburger.
You did. Now, here's the problem, guys.
Okay, because I've seen these dollar shenanigans
done before by other outfits.
You see, you go into a Family Dollar or you go into a Dollar General
and you're like, "Everything's a dollar!"
- No, it's not! - Mm.
There are things in multiples of dollars.
That's basically, like, every other store.
You gotta go to the Dollar Tree
if you want the purity of a dollar-only item.
Or the 99 Cents Only store.
So as a policy, I do not let my family enter the Family Dollar
and I generally do not visit the Dollar General.
I plant myself in the Dollar Tree
because they have the purity of one dollar items
and you guys are pulling the same shenanigans, Mickey D's!
Mm. That is-- that is a travesty.
So, the first request we have is that you just change it to what it is,
Dollars menu.
It's not a dollar menu, it's a dollars menu.
- Yeah. - and make the "s" capital so everybody knows.
And that is not the only problem
with the new McDonald's dollar menu.
- There's a bigger problem. - There's a bigger problem, guys.
And there is something glaringly missing
from the dollar menu,
and what I'm talking about is fries.
There are no freaking fries on the dollar menu.
This is not just a travesty,
- this is a McTravesty. - ( chuckles ) Yeah.
But you know what?
I think that collectively, we can help fix this problem, mythical beasts.
- Yes, we can. - We are creating a hashtag.
#OneDollarFries.
We actually did it in French fries.
To get them on the dollar menu.
McDonald's will listen if we band together
and hashtag it up,
#OneDollarFries.
This is an important cause, guys.
Please get in on this.
Make this trend so McDonald's will see it and respond.
Our demands are not unjustified.
The old dollar menu, guess what it had on it?
- Rhett:
Rhett:
I don't know what those are,
but bring those back too!
But let's not confuse the issue.
- #OneDollarFries! - #OneDollarFries!
Hold up the sign.
- Hashtag... - #AppleDippers.
One dollar fries!
I might tweet that once,
but I'm gonna really tweet this,
#OneDollarFries.
Now, if this has not convinced you enough, Mickey D's,
we've done some math.
Now, here's a large fry.
This is 5.9 ounces of fries
and it costs $1.89.
Doing the math on that, that is 32.03 cents per ounce.
So that means you're willing to charge 32.0 cents per ounce
for French fries and the small fry
which only contains only contain 2.6 ounces.
If you do the math the other way,
that would come out to 83 cents,
so you can't say that you'd be losing money.
You're charging $1.39 for the small fry.
You actually could be charging 83 cents.
Hey, let's meet in the middle and charge a nice even dollar
and then we won't have to report you to the McBetter Business Bureau.
Mm. #OneDollarFries! Hold up the sign!
Both: #OneDollarFries!
And you know what, McDonald's?
You don't want us on your bad side.
- Oh, no. - 'Cause we know your dollar secret.
- Secrets. - ( laughter )
We know the secrets.
Yeah, we do.
And do you want us to spill all the beans?
- Well, you know what? - You're not gonna go there.
- I'ma prove it, I'ma prove it. - Oh, you're not gonna go there.
- I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go there. - I see where you're going.
You know? Where is that triple cheeseburger?
Three dollars for this thing?
When you can do is spend one dollar
on a cheeseburger and get three of those.
You not only get three patties,
you get three times the buns,
and three times the toppings!
And you can make one of these!
- This is a three dollar burger right here! - Guys,
show-- now bring in the three dollar burger.
- Guys... - Look at that!
This the same price at McDonald's!
I could be getting this much bun on.
Go for it.
I could be having this kind of experience.
For the same price!
Give me the sign. Where is the sign?
#OneDollarFries.
Now that's worth three dollars
because I love bread!
#OneDollarFries.
Take another bite, do it!
Mm. I don't think I can.
Come on! This is your moment.
Okay, guys.
This is where it counts, Rhett, take another bite.
I can't. ( stifled laughter )
This our chance to make a difference as a community, people.
Get out there and use #OneDollarFries.
Raise your oily, salty fists in the air
and let your potato- drenched voices be heard!
#OneDollarFries!
Too much padding. There's just so much padding in this.
- It's so soft. - It's so safe.
- I love it. - ( sighs )
We believe in you.
Keep watching to find out
which of you will be receiving my actual mustache in the mail,
when we reveal your amazing art.
And did I mention #OneDollarFries?
Get our "Book of Mythicality" wherever you get books.
Like, a bookstore. Or go to bookofmythicality.com
to find out where you can get your hands on it.