- Am I, the first white guy you've ever spoken to?
- Oh, I'm really into black guys.
And I'm like (winces)
- My queen, my like, Nubian princess.
- Can't repeat some of these things on camera.
(upbeat music begins)
- [Producer] What is it like dating as a black woman?
- It's a minefield
- Pretty, difficult.
(claps once) - The ghetto
- Gotta let it slip because, we're in demand.
- In one word,
difficult.
- Changes from person to person, experience to experience
- The guys that I do attract go from like,
I really like you to borderline stalkers.
- If you're using dating apps,
then you're definitely more fetishised.
- Hello, chocolate princess,
or just things like that, when you're just like,
it's just been awful.
- If people are trying to make a connection
with you based on your heritage
and not trying to make a connection with actually you.
- There's like, almost like a questionnaire,
a bit of a test beforehand, to see whether I like, qualify.
(vinyl scratch)
It sounds really bad doesn't it?
But it's the truth of the situation.
- [Producer] When did you start dating,
how did you find it? All that good stuff.
- Urgh
- You find yourself like going through pictures
and it's like no blacks, no whites, or like only Asians.
- It was literally everything on my list
and it's just like, hmm, hmm,
are we going to move forward?
Like what's still in the same position
after a couple of months.
Come on, come on, sir.
- I see people in talking stages
for like six seven months,
I'm like what are you talking about,
some people don't have the cholesterol
to be out here in the streets, get it over with, move fast.
- And even like going on dates
- Like a dinner, I don't know you,
So do I really want to be sitting at a table
with you for two hours?
It could just go to the left.
- It's hard,
it's hard.
- I have had some meaningful, interesting experiences.
- Not great, hence being single, still.
- If you're black and you go into certain settings
and you can't even move your hips,
then you're probably going to be a guy
that doesn't get a lot of pumps.
(vinyl scratch sound)
- I want this guy and he's moving like a snail,
but the one I don't want is trying to take me out,
he's trying to, you know, send the flowers to my house,
but I don't want you,
I want the other guy, I want John,
- Are we in the right sort of spaces
to actually be appreciated
by the people who should be appreciating us?
- You probably get more success going out
and actually being in blacker spaces.
- I shouldn't have to go to the black club, you know.
- More often than not it's quite a positive experience
because you know, it always has a happy ending.
(vinyl scratch) (laughs)
- [Producer] Do you feel there's, like, a difference,
in dating you because you're a black woman?
- Um
- I think a lot of people can be quite closed minded.
(laughs)
- You do get the, the really ignorant sort of comments.
- I just have to figure out,
are you just racist or are you actually a good person?
- I remember my first boyfriend and actually, you know what,
because he's an ex, I do actually feel like I can out him
in this moment.
His sister was like,
"I never imagined him being with a black girl".
- Well, I mean, being a gay black man
is very, very different to like straight men.
- If you were a white person, you can just be
whereas if you're black you have to be a certain type.
- Obviously there's like, a lot of homophobia
in the black community.
- I could tell when somebody, obviously you know,
really wants to get to know me,
wants to the date me
as opposed to, hey, you're cool or exotic or whatever
(laughs)
- 'Cause you'll just find from those kinds of people,
you just probably wouldn't pursue anything serious,
you probably fulfill their jungle fever fantasy
and then just keep it moving.
- [Producer] Do you feel any pressure from your family
to date someone of the same race?
- One hundred percent. A hundred percent, hundred percent.
- I'm Nigerian.
(laughs)
Let's just leave it as that.
(laughs)
- I just love it, I'm just like, okay, cool.
I can date who I like.
(laughs)
- No you need to date like a black guy,
you need to date this.
- No matter who you bring home
just make sure they're a good person.
- My family would much rather
that I reached the top of my career field
before I get married.
- Within my family, we're very multicultural,
you know, we're very accepting.
- I always tell black women to go where you're celebrated,
I don't feel like life should be just limited to black men.
White people can love,
(laughs)
white people can love.
- You have that African mother,
you're getting older
and she don't see the grandchildren,
she's like, "You know what date whoever you want to date".
(laughs)
- [Producer] Have you ever felt fetishised?
- Yes, stuff like that,
that's like, that goes without saying.
- Chocolate king like,
I want to taste the melanin and all this, like
- My queen, my Nubian princess.
- But the thing is about fetishization, yeah,
I think we all do it to each other.
- For me, I like me some chocolates, so
- Everyone expects you
to have the long strong innit, (vinyl scratch)
they want you
to be the Mandingo fire so, (vinyl scratch)
or at least you have to lay down
the smack down properly. (vinyl scratch)
- Oh God, don't come near me, don't touch me.
- You can't repeat some of these things on camera.
- Never. (vinyl scratch)
Thank God. Cause I would deck you in your face, fam.
- [Producer] How do you think dating is different
for black women in comparison to black men?
- To be honest, I couldn't tell you
because I'm not a black woman, however
- I'm very aware of desirability politics,
so I understand that as a black woman,
I am not considered to be
at the top
of what men want,
even men within my own race.
- When you see black men like, bashing black women,
it's just like, whoa,
like your mom's literally like, darker than her.
Like, what are you doing, like
- Black men can just, you know,
two things like,
beard and have a decent job.
- Black women have so much to offer.
- Women have to be the table,
instead of bringing something to the table.
- They're not given the space to,
and I feel like
now they're creating their own space
and their own lane.
- Don't let them pick us guys,
we pick them.
- You're breaking the barriers,
and men should learn from that too,
black men, especially.
(laughs)
- [Producer] Do you think there's a stereotype
that black men have to live up to to date successfully?
- Yeah.
- A guy has said to me that he can not date someone
that earns more than him
- To do certain things or be in certain positions
by a certain age or achieve certain things
because of your background.
- Spending your last 500 pounds on a designer bag,
or T-shirt and then you're broke, like
- I feel like if you don't fulfill them stereotypes,
I don't think you'd get one to stick around anyway.
- Not everyone is going to be successful,
not everyone wants to be successful.
Some people's success is just being happy.
- I have to have some sort of USP.
- I'm a woman and that's like,
that's me
- I'd rather not be with someone
who tries to put me into a box.
- We shouldn't have to do all of that
to basically be seen as,
as individuals who deserve love you know
- I think we need to stop placing pressure on each other
and expectation on each other
- For people to actually be more open
to the type of people
- Being more open minded
- Even when it comes to sexuality as well,
I would say because that's quite sort of a touchy subject,
I would say within the black community
- Everyone's kind of woke now, they know what's going on,
I feel like we need
to kind of hop in it before it fizzles down a little bit
- Look to the future and not to the past.
- We should learn to work together
- We just need to let down the walls a bit,
just that, be comfortable, don't take things too seriously.
Not saying that I'm all for going with the flow.
- Let's work something, know what I mean,
something out of the ordinary
Some mad spontaneous and say, do you know what,
I liked the way you think
Know what I'm saying
(laughs)
(producer laughs)
(jazz fusion music begins)