- I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids
and I'm not married,
I would have a baby artificially inseminated.
I would feel like Mary, like Jesus is my baby.
(rock music)
I always pee all over my Spanx, it's a disaster.
They aren't crotchless enough.
I'll cry at the end of the day, not with fresh makeup.
In recent years I'm like too cool for duck-face
so that doesn't happen.
I read that I was obsessed with killing raccoons.
I had dinner with Obama once
and he just seemed very firm about the change.
And that's like, his motto.
Well a bear can juggle
and stand on a ball and he's talented.
But he's not famous, you know what I mean?
I would like die to be in Twilight.
I only just started wearing underwear a month ago
and I never wore underwear until then.
(applause)
(rock music)