YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM NEWSROOM," AND "X-MEN:
APOCALYPSE."
HER NEW MOVIE IS "OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY."
PLEASE WELCOME THE LOVELY OLIVIA MUNN.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> HELLO!
>> Stephen: OLIVIA MUNN.
>> HELLO.
>> Stephen: IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.
WE HAD AN AWKWARD THE TWO KISS --
>> I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER TO DO THE ONE KISS OR TWO KISS.
>> I DON'T LIKE THE TWO-KISS.
YOU SEE PEOPLE, "I'M EUROPEAN."
I'M AMERICAN.
>> Stephen: IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION.
ONLY KISS PEOPLE ON THE CHEEK ONCE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE I HAD SOME FUN WITH
YOUR MOM.
>> DID YOU.
>> Stephen: REMEMBER I TEXTED YOUR MOM USING YOUR PHONE.
>> YOU DID.
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE.
AND I SENT HER THIS TEXT THAT SAID-- YOUR MOM'S NAME IS KIM.
>> AND THEN LATER -- >> BECAUSE YOU WERE IN FACT NOT
ENGAGED.
>> I WAS NOT ENGAGED, AND-- AND YOU MADE THAT CONFUSING FOR MY
MOTHER.
>> Stephen: YES.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
>> BUT NOW, SHE'S VERY EXCITED BECAUSE ONCE SHE SAW IT ON TV,
SHE'S CONVINCED THAT SHE'S VERY, VERY FAMOUS.
AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH,, YOU KNOW, EVERY COME UP TO ME IN OKLAHOMA
AND SAY, "OH, I SEE YOU--" HEY, MOM.
SHE THINKS-- "EVERYBODY COME UP TO ME.
SOMETIMES IT'S HARD.
YOU KNOW.
EVERYBODY COME UP.
IT'S VERY HARD.
EVERYBODY SAY HI."
YEAH, SHE'S HAVING A HARD TIME.
IT'S HARD TO BE A CELEBRITY.
SHE WILL TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: SHE HAS TO LOOK HER BEST WHEN SHE GOES OUTSIDE.
>> SHE LOVES GETTING TEXTS FROM YOU HERE'S MY PHONE.
>> Stephen: LET'S DO IT.
>> I LIKE HOW YOU THOUGHT YOUR FINGERPRINT WOULD WORK.
>> Stephen: WELL, I NEVER KNOW, I NEVER KNOW.
>> THERE IT IS, "MOM."
>> Stephen: WHAT UP, KIM?
QUESTION MARK.
COLBERT HERE.
BOY, TOO SOON POORLY SPELLED!
>> IT'S COAL-BEAR.
>> Stephen: IT'S JUST TRANSCRIBING EVERYTHING WE'RE
SAYING TO EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M GOING TO SEND THIS TO YOUR
MOTHER.
BOY, WHAT I JUST SENT YOUR MOTHER.
WHAT UP, KIM, COLBERT HERE, IT'S POORLY SPELLED, COAL.
AND IT'S TRANSCRIBING EVERYTHING WE ARE SAYING RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE APOLOGIZE YOUR MOTHER FOR ME.
>> IT'S GOING TO COME THROUGH IN A SECOND.
I WILL IT HERE.
>> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
I UNDERSTAND YOU TOOK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY TO A PSYCHIC RECENTLY?
>> MY FAMILY-- A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE IS THERESA CRAPUTO.
SHE'S THE LONG ISLAND MEDIUM.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN HER SHOW.
SHE ASKED ME IT BRING MY FAMILY ON TO HER SHOW.
I SAID NO.
MY FAMILY IS GREAT, BUT THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON TV, I
DON'T THINK.
BUT ESPECIALLY PSYCHIC TV SHOWS BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ON THOSE
SHOWS THEY'RE REALLY WANTING BIG REACTIONS --
>> YEAR, THEY WANT EMOTIONAL MOMENTS WHEN THEY REMEMBER
SOMETHING ABOUT, LIKE, A DECEASED LOVED ONE.
>> THEY ARE SPEAKING TO PEOPLE THAT HAVE PASSED ON.
THAT IS AMAZING!
LIKE, THEY'RE TALKING TO YOUR DEAD LOVED ONES AND YOU HAVE TO
HAVE REACTIONS THAT ARE FITTING.
"OH, MY GOSH!
THIS IS AMAZING."
MY FAMILY, THEY'RE A BUNCH OF INTELLECTS AND THEY'RE VERY
SUBSUED DOOUD, AND EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER THEY WOULDN'T BE AGREED
GREAT.
SHE INSISTED.
WE'RE DOING THING AND SHE GOES TO MY BROTHER FIRST.
MY BROTHER IS JOHNNY SPP SHE SAID, "JOHNNY, DO THEY CALL YOU
JOHN-YAWN?
DOES EVERYBODY CALL YOU JOHN-JOHN?
WE CALL HIM MR. JOHN-JOHN.
AND NOBODY WOULD KNOW THAT.
AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH.
WE DO."
AND HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH."
( LAUGHTER ) SHE'S LIKE, "OKAY."
SHE MOVES ON MY 2 MY MOM.
AND SHE SAID, "I'M FEELING LIKE, DO YOU HAVE A NECKLACE?
ARE YOU WEARING A NECKLACE OR IS THERE SOMETHING FROM A
GRANDMOTHER."
I HAVE TO SAY I MADE THE MISTAKE BEFORE DOING THE READING, AND I
TOLD MY MOM, DON'T GIVE ANY NOAKS INFORMATION.
JUST SAY YES OR NO BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LET THEM TELL YOU
EVERYTHING.
SO MY MOM IS SITTING THERE AS IF SHE'S BEING INTERROGATED BY THE
EXPLIS SHE'S JUST SO RESERVED.
AND SHE SAID, "DO YOU HAVE A NECKLACE, A THING FROM A
GRANDMOTHER, A NECKLACE FROM A GRANDMOTHER?"
AND MY MOTHER IS SITTING THERE.
"I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE, YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW."
AND SHE SAID, "I FEEL LIKE YOU-- YOU DON'T HAVE A NECKLACE WITH
YOU?" AND MY MOM IS LIKE, "MAYBE."
SO AT THIS POINT I'M LIKE, OKAY, I HAVE TO, LIKE, MEDIATE OF
MEDIUM NOW.
AND I SAID, "MOM, IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN JUST SAY YES OR NO.
DO YOU HAVE A NECKLACE OR NOT?" AND SHE SAID, "YEAH."
AND I SAID, "WHERE IS IT?" "OVER THERE IN MY PURSE."
"WHO IS IT FROM?" "YOUR GRANDMA."
"SO WHEN SHE WAS ASKING IF YOU HAD A NECKLACE FROM YOUR
GRANDMOTHER, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?"
AND SHE SAID, "BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE IT ON ME.
IT WAS WITH ME IN MY PURSE."
AND I SAID OH, THAT WAS THE DISTINCTION.
>> Stephen: YOUR MOM IS A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK.
>> SHE IS.
I WANTED EVERYBODY TO HAVE A GREAT REACTION.
SHOOTING IT.
I WANTED HER TO HAVE A GOOD TV SHOW, SHE'S LEGIT, I THINK.
I SAID, "MOM, ISN'T THAT AMAZING.
JOHNNY, SHE DIDN'T KNOW YOUR NAME WAS JOHN-JOHN.
MOM, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW YOU HAD ON A NECKLACE FROM YOUR
GRANDMA."
AND SHE SAID, "I BELIEVE.
I FEEL IT."
I SAID I TOLD YOU, DON'T PUT MY FAMILY ON TV.
HERE IS MY MOM.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ARE YOU MAD AT ME?" ( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: JUST SAY, "IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT'S FAULT."
>> LET'S SEE WHAT SHE SAYS BACK.
>> Stephen: ASK HER IF SHE'S WEARING A WATCH.
( LAUGHTER ) FROM YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER.
I'M FEELING PSYCHIC CONNECTION.
WHEN I GO TO PSYCHICS-- AND I'VE ONLY BEEN A COUPLE TIMES BECAUSE
I'M AN ADULT ( LAUGHTER ).
>> BUT YOU BELIEVE.
>> Stephen: I DO NOT.
>> THEN WHY DID YOU GO.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I WAS DESPERATE!
A GIRL BROKE UP WITH ME!
THIS WAS A LONG TIME OKAY AGO.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: I WENT TO A PSYCHIC AND SHE GOT THE FIRST
THREE THINGS SHE ASKED ABOUT ME WRONG.
AND I SAID, "YOU'RE RIGHT."
>> BECAUSE YOU'RE SO NICE.
>> Stephen: NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET THE JU-JU.
I THOUGHT IF SHE GOT THE FIRST THREE THINGS RIGHT SHE'D FEEL
MORE CONFIDENT.
I'M WILLING TO BELIEVE ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M AN ADULT AND I'M A
CATHOLIC.
NOW, "OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY."
I HAVE THIS GREAT-- CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS PHOTO TO ME?
SHOOTING "OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY."
AT THE END OF THE DAY.
DID YOU TWEET THIS?
>> I INSTAGRAMMED THAT.
THIS WAS MY HAND AFTER I STABBED IT WITH A BALLPOINT PEN, BECAUSE
KATE McKINON TOLD ME TO DO WHATEVER I WANTED.
>> Stephen: THIS WAS TO KEEP YOU FROM LAUGHING YOU STABBED
YOURSELF IN THE HAND.
>> SHE WAS JUST DOING FART JOKES BUT IT WAS REALLY, REALLY FUNNY.
AND I WAS RUINING THE TAKES.
AND AT A CERTAIN POINT IT'S NOT FUNNY-- AT FIRST EVERYONE LAUGHS
WHEN YOU LAUGH AND AFTER A WHILE THEY THINK IT'S ANNOYING.
SO I HAD TO TAKE A PEN AND STAB MY HAND UNDERNEATH TO STOP FROM
LAUGHING.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> IT DIDN'T REALLY WORK.
BUT I-- I-- HAVE SOME IFNG POISONING NOW.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE AN OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY ACTUALLY COMING
UP A WEEK FROM THURSDAY, RIGHT?
A WEEK FROM THURSDAY.
AND WE HAD JASON BATEMAN ON.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: RECENTLY, FOR THE SAME MOVIE, AND WE INVITED HIM
TO OUR CHRISTMAS PARTY.
UP TO THE COME TO OUR OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY?
>> YES.
IS HE GOING, TOO.
>> Stephen: IF YOU GO.
>> I WILL GO.
HOW CRAZY COW GUYS GET?
♪ LET'S GET RIDICULOUS ♪ >> IS IT THE HAT?
>> HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!
TALKING ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS!
♪ RIDICULOUS THE PLACE TO BE WHIPPED UP,
FLIPPED, LIFT UP, MOVE YOUR FEET ♪ THIS IS HOW I ROLL ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT WAS GOOD
CHOREOGRAPHY.
>> I COULDN'T WATCH BECAUSE MY MOM WAS TEXTING.
"ARE YOU WITH STEPHEN COLBERT?
IF SO, TELL HIM I SAY HI.
TELL HIM TO BE NICE TO ME.
I AM OLIVIA'S MOM.
HOPE TO MEET HIM SOME DAY?
."
>> Stephen: OLIVIA'S MOM, YOU ARE WELCOME HERE ANY TIME.
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
"OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY" IS IN THEATERS TODAY!
OLIVIA MUNN, EVERYBODY!